How tf is hating Harper controversial? I hated her and wished Abby and Riley ended up together or even Abby staying tf away from Harper and her toxic, gross, weird family forever

KFVDJDBJSDBJSBS apparently the discourse over on twitter is that if you dislike harper you’re privileged and hate all closeted people??

i’ve been in more than one relationship where my partner was closeted and i had to meet their loved ones as their “friend” at first and i never had an issue with that; you can’t push someone when they aren’t ready, you can’t decide when the right moment is for them, and if you actively decide to be in a relationship with them you do have to be willing to support them in that decision.

HOWEVER. the key to a relationship like that is communication!!! you’re essentially asking your partner to hide a huge part of themselves until you’re ready. that’s a big sacrifice. so y'all both need to be open and honest about both of your boundaries and your expectations for one another to make it work. NOT lie to them and tell them for six months that your parents know and took it well, making them feel comfortable to the point they feel ready to propose to you, invite them home for christmas, and then tell them ON THE CAR RIDE THERE when it’s TOO LATE FOR THEM TO VOICE THEIR DISCOMFORT OR CONCERNS that actually you lied the entire time and you have to act like friends for the weekend. you trapped them and you aren’t giving them any choice in the matter or any time to even process.

also, being closeted is NOT a free pass to treat everyone around you like shit? it wasn’t a free pass to use abby’s parents as the reason for inviting her, withtout asking abby’s permission, so she had to hear about how she was an orphan all weekend when she explicitly said that’s why christmas is uncomfortable for her. it wasn’t a free pass to barely even defend abby when she KNEW she didn’t take that necklace, but let her get punished for it anyway. it wasn’t a free pass to not even treat your “”“friend”“” like a friend and abandon/ignore her for the whole trip, then turn it around on her and say she’s suffocating you when abby dares to get annoyed about it. it wasn’t an excuse to hang all over your ex boyfriend in front of your partner and not deny his advances because you were too afraid of how it would look. it wasn’t an excuse to then act accusatory towards abby when she went to hang out with the only person in the whole town who she was allowed to be herself around because you couldn’t make time for her. it also wasn’t an excuse to destroy something your sister worked hard on and completely pretend like she isn’t a relevant human being (justice for jane)!

you can absolutely require support from your partner when you’re in the closet, but you can’t throw them around like a ragdoll in every possible way and then blame it on that. that IS toxic. abby and riley 4ever.

/end rant

So I don’t hate Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz but I do think an argument can be made that in a lot of ways she’s the primary antagonist of the show. Every major problem that Steven faces can be traced back to his mother’s actions. Even the final confrontation with White Diamond is due to the fact that, instead of confronting her dysfunctional relationship, Pink just ran away and hid. So while she’s complex I think that canon Pink’s main defining trait is putting her own desires before everything.

OOoooh hahaha. Okay, I’ll bite. 

****MOVIE SPOILERS AHEAD!!*****

I agree(!) that actually Pink Diamond/Rose can be considered the main antagonist in the show. In fact, I think in a lot of ways, she fits the bill. Most of the things that come up in the show are directly because of HER action (or lack thereof). So yes, I definitely see where you’re coming from!

I disagree with the fact that her main defining trait is putting her own desires before everything. In fact, I think that although the outcome of her actions might look like this on the surface, nothing could be further from the truth. 

Pink’s defining trait is trying to do the right thing and having NO IDEA what that is. 

She is the forerunner of ‘kindness’ in concept on the Diamond front. She is the first who thought to THINK about other gems and what they might want. 

And you know what? She keeps fucking it up. Because she has no idea what it’s really supposed to look like. Because she’s never seen it before. It’s like forcing a kid to grow up in a dark room, and then the kid goes “I wanna paint with color” before they even know what color IS. 

Pink was raised with NO concept of consideration for others. The Diamonds did not display it towards other gems, and they did not display it toward her. She has no framework of it - she only has ‘I am a Diamond’ to work with. In a lot of ways, she is what Amethyst is like when first emerged. She has no other choice but to copy the way other gems interact with her. 

She copies Blue’s emotional turmoil. She mimics Yellow’s anger and physicality. She internalizes White’s strive to perfection. She TRIES to do something she thinks will have a good result and (surprise!) it fails. 

She wANTS to be good, but she has no idea how to do this.

With Spinel, I think the fact that she left isn’t a result of her trying to follow her own “desires”. Don’t get me wrong - that is what happens! Indubitably. 

But actually that scene, for me, was reflective of a MUCH larger personality trait:

She runs away. 

Doesn’t explain to Spinel. Doesn’t ORDER her. Doesn’t communicate at all. Just… leaves. 

Pink’s biggest recurring theme through the show is Secrecy. It’s Hiding. It’s avoiding the problem and blocking it out. She has NO idea how to have healthy relationships with equivalent exchange. She only knows that when she doesn’t want to give orders, she only has the option to withdraw and remove herself from the situation. 

I think it’s fascinating that Rose eventually DID get better about prioritizing other people’s needs (mostly with help from Greg). But in the end, her biggest flaw was still the fact that she didn’t know how to do anything other than hide and keep secrets. Having Steven, she also ran away from things. She was never able to learn another way to cope. 

And yeah, if you want to consider that selfishness, that’s a valid interpretation of it. But for how much she’s grown in other ways, I’d say that particular flaw is a bit more complex than just the caricature of ‘selfish brat’ the fandom’s been painting her to be. 

But THASSJUSMYOPINION. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯