I can't decide if I'm happy or sad at how perfectly a clip from Love Actually sums up how I feel right now.

I was really upset this morning so I decided to drink. I've been drinking for about 4 hours and now my parents are home and I'm being as sober as  a sausage! I've not eaten a thing, this is a bad idea.

If you've ever considered sexuality as a black and white scale of homo or heterosexuality, give this film a watch. As accurate or not as it may be, it really brings attention to the fundamental point; we are all different. We are all individual. No single person is the same and that applies to sexuality as much as anything else. There's nothing wrong with labels, provided the person you're attaching it to is happy with it. It's also a very good and well acted film. A definite 'must watch'.

Ranty Rant.

When people say they don't understand things in lectures and immediately turn off or slate it. They should realise them not understanding it says more about them than it does about the lecture, especially if they don't bother to try to learn what they don't know.

IRC Update

Another remark has been made. It was made yesterday in day 2 but it rolls into today. Found it during some snooping. But I think they've been thrown off the scent, luckily. Day 3 over and out.

Conscience

I hear my conscience and I hate it. I could achieve so much more if it wasn't such a prominent part of my psyche, for good or bad though, I don't know what kind of productivity it would be?

Cut-Throat Career

It's no lie to say my chosen career (theatre and film performing) is cut throat. This is probably one of my biggest fears. I can be pragmatic and selectively choose those who I work well with and who I think will help my grade but I worry that I'll unintentionally step on friends to get myself to a higher place and it won't bother me.

I'm no better than anyone else on my course. But I want to get a good mark and it's hard not to notice (as you're surrounded by people creating and performing) who's work you like and don't.

I was reassured that I'm not at that point by how hard I found it to cast 7 people (out of about 30) for my play and how personally bad I felt for each and every individual who auditioned and I had to turn down (a fair few were friends of mine). 

When sending out e-mails telling people they had not got a role I wanted to tell people how great I thought they were but the others helping me cast said if I put too much it'd probably sound like I was making up excuses.

I'm just glad that even at this level (and I'm FAR from professional) I want everything I'm involved in performance-wise to be fun and enjoyable! I love seeing people I know in shows in various roles on and off stage and I like being surprised by talent I was not aware of. I hope my show goes well. It has been written by me and I'm directing so a lot is on the line, establishing/networking-wise. Tedtopia guys, it's going to be scary!