Land Of Books And Irritatingly Meta References

imagine if you will, a fairly dry survival crafting game in which you live in a bunker and must periodically venture out to scavenge food, set up turrets for attacking monsters, etc

now, your computer inside the bunker has a game-inside-a-game on it which is a charming farming sim of undeniably greater quality and scope than the survival game you're playing. therefore, the object of the game becomes to keep your bunker secure so you can play the farming game more.

now, once you achieve the highest rating in the farming game, a secret shop inside it unlocks, and one of the novelty items you can purchase is a game console, giving you access to games-inside-a-game-inside-a-game. most of the games for it are typical mobile shovelware, but one of them is a highly polished, extremely brutal precision platformer with amazing level design and production values exceeding that of the survival game and farming sim combined.

it is only at this point that the purpose of this entire contrivance becomes clear: to create the most deranged speedrun community the world has ever seen.

yeah i don't have anything to say about this one guys

arya is probably the only person who has kissed and held balerion since his rhaenys died. you ever think of that

now i’m thinking about timeloop zhuge liang. first loop in the timeloop his mental abacus is constantly calculating when the generals around him will die; he must be able to plan his strategy around it. fifth loop in the timeloop his mental abacus is constantly calculating when the generals around him will die; whenever one of their times comes near, he must devote all his resources to saving them. twelfth loop in the timeloop his mental abacus is constantly calculating when the generals around him will die; he must be able to plan his strategy around the weeks of utterly disabling depression that follow each failure. seventeenth loop in the timeloop his mental abacus is constantly calculating when the generals around him will die; this is a most amusing intellectual exercise. twenty-second loop in the timeloop his mental abacus is constantly calculating when the generals around him will die; perhaps, if he wishes to win and free them all, he must plan his strategy around it

when he accidentally lets slip a reference to these calculations one blizzardy evening as they huddle around their wine and chess and portable stove, zhang fei does not even hesitate a tactful second before asking how much longer he has. i can’t tell you that. you court death so often, i can never tell which of your reckless gambles will be your last this time until the dice are already rolling. you give me a lifetime of worrying, yide, and i haven’t figured out how to change that. “twenty years,” he lies with a winning smile.

guan yu asks next, solemnly but with an eager glint in his eyes. whenever cao cao dies, you die not long before. if i want to extend your life, i must first extend that ill-fated prime minister’s. i don’t understand why this is, but i haven’t figured out how to change it. “thirty years.”

zhao yun asks to continue the pattern. i always get to keep you the longest. i get to keep you until it’s all over, more or less, but i am so afraid i will figure out how to change that. “fifty years.”

finally, indulgently, liu bei asks. not long enough, my lord. however long it is until i lose you, it is never quite long enough for what i want. the fault for this lies in me, i know, but i still cannot figure out how to change it. “ten thousand years!” he declares to sufficient laughter; his duty done, he bites his tongue in self-discipline until his mouth is full of blood

sorry about your strategist/civil advisor, my liege. yeah they put him in the time loop. its very traumatising hes not having fun. i think it's a metaphor for the cyclical nature of history and/or the process of reading a story with a forgone conclusion, hoping against hope that everything will turn out all right this time, maybe. idk might be a reach. good news though! he's really really improved his relationship with zhou yu. they make out in like 64% of the iterations. there was this really homoerotic qin duet in iteration #2008 you had to have been there.

yeah, he's still at it my liege. it's unbearable to watch. he is dashing himself against the temporal rocks over and over again. he wants to save everyone, and failing that, destroy himself as penitence. anything would be more bearable than living with this guilt. he thinks he's failed you, my liege, because you died and your legacy crumbled. he says he wants to revive the han but really he just wants your forgiveness. he doesn't understand that nothing made by human hands can ever last, that it's the journey, not the destination that really matters. i think he's been alone for so long that he's forgotten why he chose to follow you in the first place--it wasn't in spite of the fact you were a total loser, it was because of it. did you know he was a refugee too? he fled his home as a teenager to escape the war. did you ever tell him why you refused to abandon the people of xinye? even at the cost of your own life? even when you could not possibly protect them? it was because failure was the only option. because success was too painful to contemplate. kongming was one of the people who tried to convince you to abandon the refugees, wasn't he? but after that day he never doubted you again. he never tried to run away again. he thought he needed to give you an empire, but his loyalty was all you ever wanted.

yeah, so, you won't remember any of this, my liege. sorry. time loop stuff. but maybe you'll find a way to let him know that you still love him. and there was never anything to forgive. idk how, but if anyone can do it, it would be Emperor Sandal-weaver himself. Sure, the heavens may be absolute, but whats that to a stubborn man who's worked in retail?

jesse don't touch that that's the growth potion i've been synthesi-no jesse DON'T

yo mr white you're all tiny and shit now

New discourse: it's actually predatory to date someone with a different star sign than you, because the differences in your personalities means you'll never be able to have exactly the same life experiences, thus leaving a knowledge and power gap between the two of you which will inevitably lead to an abusive relationship!

also if you're a Sag and you're dating a Taurus, that means you're secretly seeking a May-December relationship, which is age gap coded!

Also, humanoid signs like Aquarius, Gemini, and Virgo absolutely cannot date animal signs. That is interspecies erotica coded fucko and animals CANNOT CONSENT.

Aries, Capricorn and Taurus dating each other make me sick, they're all bovidae it's so obviously incest I-- 🤢

in my head the star wars equivalent of tswift is some human woman named tay’lor spiff or something and her stans are losing their minds over theories that she’s secretly a jedi singing about the horrors of war, even though she’s from a neutral system that hasn’t seen so much as a moral panic in 50 years

the theories get even more egregious during the imperial era, with people straight up thinking she joined the rebellion in secret and is loading her songs with subliminal rebel propaganda. their main piece of evidence for this is if you play a certain song backwards, it sounds like she’s saying “freedom” in shyriiwook. the fans get really defensive if you point out she’s performed at the yearly empire day celebration thrice now and her family historically owned ewok slaves

i regret to inform both you beautiful people that this isn’t going to go how you think it will

spiff fans (also known as “spiffies”) insist that the two decommissioned venator-class destroyers spiff purchased, the bad blood and the reputation, are for diplomatic purposes that benefit the rebellion. jedi’lors have concocted theories that she served on both ships during the clone wars and was respectful of every clone that served there, despite her courtship of a gravball player that thrice advocated against the clone veterans being granted natural citizenship

🪐chirodactylmanisagatewaydrug Follow •••

all goofing aside I don't understand the urge to reimagine Tay'lor Allisoarn Spiff as a secret Jedi fighting for the rebellion when the rebel alliance is literally like overflowing with women fighting the empire. Gara and Ke'Cha and Mileu and Halcey are right there. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't like Taylor but why would you hang all your hopes of taking down the empire on her

🤖 thedroidteer-andthegarbagecompactor Follow

Isn't Lady Gara a force sensitive?

🪐chirodactylmanisagatewaydrug Follow

Hence why I put her in the list of famous force using women who are in the rebel alliance?

(okay ignore the fact I've put an image in here but this is ops icon)

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#im sure op has this post muted by now but Ur icon is so real op

The icon is because of this post

👤Eelinrmalice-deactivated201X023

btw to just clarify for anyone who sees this reblog of this post

op is basically saying something along the lines of "yea ik tay'lor spiff is a jedi but like. why is she y'all's only force using rebel icon when there are all these other force users in the rebellion???"

i might have worded this badly but hopefully i got the main point across

🪐chirodactylmanisagatewaydrug Follow

Hi OP here I most CERTAINLY DID NOT SAY TAY'LOR SPIFF IS A JEDI???

(based on this post)

My stance on Shuro discourse

ppl managing to live where they grew up is really bizarre to me

Hi! Croatian here. As an inland country, I found a job processing uranium. We have a lot of it.

God I wish I was processing uranium in Croatia

I think about this post every day

Hey, another Croatian here! Croatia has a coastline and I can’t find a single mention of uranium in Croatia. I don’t know what kind of paralel universe this person is from.

Scott McCloud’s incomparable “Understanding Comics”.

I swear you can open this book to any page and it’s amazing.

(ps it’s actually a digital image of a printed copy of a drawing of a painting of a pipe)

Highly recommend scott mccloud’s “understanding comics” as an introduction to all forms of visual media, but especially educational work like scientific illustration because the man does have a handle on some of the funkier stuff that happens when a viewer tries to interpret an image.

Also reccomended: james gurney’s “light and color”. The man did Dinotopia he knows what the fuck he’s talking about.

me: Storytime—I Bought That Mysterious Amulet You Said Was Cursed ‼️‼️

my apprentice: why are you talking like that

me:

my apprentice: is it the curse

me: My Apology Video (I F*cked Up!) 😱 Should Have Listened To My Apprentice 😭

seelie court official: INFO: how many ad breaks are in the apology video?

My Second Apology Video !! (Apologizing For Putting Ads In The First Video 😬) LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE ‼️