Me: *gets anxiety making a phone call* Also me: *feels completely at ease and downright cheerful wandering around unfamiliar city with only vague knowledge of how to get to where I’m going*

How to Write a Damn Essay

I’ve been a writing tutor for two years now. I’ve taught college students, and I’ve taught middle schoolers, and the one thing that’s astonished me is how many of them think writing an essay is the hardest thing to do on the planet. Plus it’s finals coming up, and all those essays people have been putting off are coming due. So listen up, cause here’s how you write a damn beautiful essay without all of the scariness. 

First off, here are the two most important points about writing essays that your teachers may have never told you, or didn’t explain properly. 

1) All essays are the same essay

You’ve heard it since elementary school: Introduction, Body, Conclusion. It doesn’t matter if it’s one page or 50, your essay will use the same structure. But what the fuck does that really mean? 

They should really label the three sections like this: “What you think,” “Why you think it,” “Why it’s relevant.” 

Furthermore, this structure also works for writing each of your paragraphs, just scaled down to a sentence level, rather than a paragraph level. 

Also, teachers like to break essays into types, like “informative essay” and “persuasive essay,” which is ridiculous. Every essay you write is basically an opinion essay. An informative essay is just an opinion essay where your opinion is that “these are the facts about this thing.” A compare and contrast essay is just an essay where your opinion is “these two things are similar or different in the following ways.” 

(The only possible exception is a narrative essay, which is really just a story that happens to be true and should be written as such; it doesn’t really need a formal thesis, and if it has an opinion or a point or a punchline, just make sure you get that across by the end.)

2) Your thesis is a mini version of your essay.

Say it with me, okay? The small thing (the thesis) needs to look like the big thing (your essay). 

When you’re writing an essay, it’s nice to have a blueprint (your rough draft thesis) to remind you of what you’re trying to build. But no one expects blueprints to look like the final design. A lot of teachers are like, “You need to turn in your thesis first so I can approve it,” which is super annoying and bullshit, because your thesis is going to be pretty much the last thing you finish. 

When you’re done with your essay, it and your thesis should match up. So if your thesis is roughly “Thing A is true because B, C, and D,” your essay should attempt to prove point A by proving B, C, and D, in that order, and show how they all lead to A. If they don’t match up, fix the thesis, not the essay. 

Right. Let’s go. 

HOW TO WRITE ANY ESSAY IN 16 STEPS, 

with minimal swearing

(WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A LOT BUT THAT’S JUST BECAUSE I BROKE IT DOWN INTO BABY STEPS)

1) Breathe. Make yourself a bowl of popcorn or cup of tea or something. You can do this. 

2) Figure out the thing you’re going to talk about: bullying, the book your teacher made you read, LGBTQ issues, the French Revolution, whatever. 

3) Do a lot of research on the thing. Google is your friend. Screw article databases with paywalls. Don’t forget to use your library–not only might they have books or ebooks on the thing, they may even give you free access to article databases. Bookmark anything that seems remotely useful. 

4) In all your research, you will likely form an opinion on the thing: the thing is good, the thing is bad, the way to fix the thing is to do this, the thing has a lot in common with this other thing… Write down your opinion about the thing. 

5) Rewrite your opinion so that it’s only one sentence long. Hand it in as your intended “thesis” if your professor is annoying like that. Pat yourself on the back. The hard bit is over. 

6) Take your opinion and paste it at the top of your document. Then jot down a list of all the things that prove that you’re right. Also jot down things that people might say to prove you wrong and how you would defend yourself. Figure out who you’re “talking” to–are they an expert or a novice? Someone whose mind you want to change? It’ll affect how you write. 

7) Write at least one paragraph proving each of the things. It doesn’t matter what order. Don’t worry about it being good. Repeat: do not try to write it good. Just put words on page. Use that stuff you bookmarked. Make little notes to yourself about where you got your information. 

8) Rearrange the paragraphs in an order that makes sense to you. Does one point have to be proved before another? Is there a chronological order? Do you want to start with your strongest argument or work your way up to it? Whatever order works, use it. 

9) Write an intro paragraph that includes any information the people you want to read your essay need to know before they read your essay. (This is what the thing is, here’s any necessary background on it, okay let’s go.) Stick your opinion sentence at the end. 

10) Write a conclusion paragraph that answers the question “So what’s the point?” You’ve made your point, now why is it relevant? What do you want people to do, or what do you expect will happen? 

11) Read your essay straight through, preferably out loud. Reading it out loud will help you catch more mistakes/weirdness. Fix anything that jumps out at you. Lines that sound weird. A point you forgot to mention. How you got logically from A to C. 

12) Take a fucking break. Fix yourself a goddamn snack because you deserve it. Give yourself some distance, refresh your brain. 

13) Repeat steps 11 and 12 as necessary. 

14) Revise your opinion sentence, which is now your thesis. It should match the content of your essay, see above. Squash it into something grammatical. 

15) Do the bloody citations. Take all those little notes to yourself in step 7 about where you got what information. Use the OWL at Purdue and some citation-generating software to turn those things into proper citations. It always takes longer than you’d think, but revel in the way it adds at least a page to your essay. 

16) Hand that lovely essay in and eat some celebratory ice cream. 

#essay, #reference

RELENTLESSLY GAY

I have goals for when I get a yard.

the arbitrary capitalization is my fave part

Oh Hampden. This was a couple years back, my recollection was that they eventually busted the homeowner for making the note. The yard was nicely rainbowed though!

Any Netflix movie/tv show recommendations?

For tv shows I’ve watched: Friends Friday Night Lights Gilmore Girls Gossip Girl Nashville One Tree Hill Switched at Birth The Fosters

I’ve watched a lot of movies so I’m not going to list those but any recommendations are greatly appreciated!

I like basically all of those shows! have you ever watched young and hungry? or of course the classics: How I Met Your Mother, Parks and Rec, The Office

The WB (old CW) has a bunch of good ones, but here are some highlights:

Felicity

Roswell

Charmed 

Popular

Veronica Mars

Everwood

NO NO NO

Apparently the fellow will not be in tomorrow because of an in-service exam.

The attending’s special patient who just agreed to start a research drug is septic and may need to go to the ICU. Because of this, can’t get the drug. She is super pissed.

AND I AM ADMITTING FOUR SCHEDULED CHEMO PATIENTS TOMORROW AND STEP 3 PART 2 IS FRIDAY. I AM ALSO ON CALL TOMORROW.

This fucking text just now: “act like a senior tomorrow, MD-a” from my fellow is NOT HELPING.

I am seriously going to cry now I want to just curl up in a ball and hide.

As a current chemo patient I want to say thanks for what you do. As a fellow health care provider I say hang in there, the bad days/patients can suck but you are making a difference in someone’s life whether it feels like that or not.

PS: Good luck on your exam!

Is for this reason that I’m Delhe Dalim :D

LOL, I get Golem Fibos. 

So, what is on top of your gymnastics wish list for 2016?

ONLY PICK THE ONE THING YOU WANT MOST

I’ll start…

2. Shang Chunsong wins an individual medal in Rio.

3. Aliya Mustafina back-to-back olympic champion on bars

4. Larisa winning beam in rio LARI BRING OUT THAT 2014 WORLDS TF-LIKE 15.5 BUT FIRST OF ALL DONT FALL

5. Aly and Larisa both winning AA medals in Rio (YES THIS COUNTS AS ONE THING OKAY)

6. Vika becoming Olympic UB Champion

7. Gabby get an individual medal in Rio

8. Simone and Gabby go 1-2 in the AA.

Afan wins a floor medal!

Laurie and Norah and Ragan go to Rio (*cries*)

Simone, Gabby, and Ellie Downie as the AA podium.

Are you behind on your holiday baking and have no idea what to bake? Why not take a card out of the Definitely, Maybe, Yours Recipe Box? Four delectable recipes are available for free right over here! Pie, cupcakes, cookies, mint, chocolate, marshmallowy goodness - we’ve got you covered.

(psst, the Spice Cake Cookies are especially holiday-perfect!)

If you’re feeling super gift-givingly ambitious, you could wrap up a batch of whatever you make and bundle it with a copy of Definitely, Maybe, Yours for a perfectly delicious and cozy holiday present - get yours here at Interlude Press.

NCLEX PHARMACOLOGY

Medication SUFFIXES

OTHER HINTS:

DRUG ANTIDOTES 

Human Behavior/Rock Show

There has been a lot of crazy/terrifying/horrific events lately I’ve seen, my heart is heavy with sadness for the victims and their families. It makes me think about why we as humans do what we do, why we kill, why we have hate and anger and rage to the point of ending someone’s life. We are evolved beyond animals to the point where we can create songs, paint a picture, compose an opera, direct a film, write a novel, build a skyscraper, invent a lightbulb, travel to space, speak our minds, love someone with all our hearts, etc. However there is a duality to such great ability, there will always be people on this planet of ours who chose to use their gift of human evolved logic for evil and destruction.

My personal gift, not to claim that I’m “gifted” or anything, but my gift I have within me is the most precious and fulfilling thing to me; music. Without music I couldn’t live, so I’m thankful everyday to be a human with my human ability to receive music and the desire to learn to create my own. As a fellow member of the human race I feel certain things that I know we all feel such as pain, heartache, frustration, misery, anger, sadness, confusion, dismay, disappointment, agony, suffering… all the things that make us human and of course the ability to chose how to react upon these feelings. Personally I’m thankful for these feelings, as hard as they can be to live with sometimes, I believe it’s so important to chose an outlet that promotes positivity to combat negative emotions in a constructive way rather than a destructive way. It’s your muse, your art, your unique ability that can make a triumph in your life and inspire others to do the same. Create something beautiful instead of destroying it.

Getting back to the subject at hand, this case particularly the events of 11/13/15 at the Bataclan concert hall, these acts strike a very close and personal chord with me because these destructively evolved people turned a sanctuary of beauty, art, positivity and unity into a massacre. No one should ever fear for their life at a rock show, we go to them because they are our therapy, our escape, our desire for something expressive, the place we go for getting out our frustrations/anger/negativity and making something beautiful together as a rock and roll loving community. No matter what race, religion, personal differences that may exists outside those venue doors, while we’re all inside movin and groovin to the music together, we truly are a family. Evoking fear into something so peaceful and loving is unforgivable but we should remember we are above the destructively evolved, we stand together and do not let the fear into our hearts. We fight back with our art and our example of unity and expression. We are the creators not the destroyers and we will never let them take our ROCK SHOW!

Paris, you are all in our thoughts and hearts, we send our love to you over our socials with this hash tag #prayforparis to remind you every second that your fellow human brothers and sisters are with you from all around the world. Rest well, take care of each other and remember we as all humans should be as I believe we should be… Family 🇫🇷

Perfect birthday gift just arrived from my sister!

Ooo, any idea where she got it?

New leo for Worlds? - modeled by Aly & Brenna

lol , look it’s what they’ll wear for team finals! XD

Why another pink Leo 😓

EW NO USA WHY

NOT ANOTHER HOT PINK MONSTROSITY!

#JudgingTeamUSA

Damn

Why is it so asymmetrical? I would like it otherwise but it throws off their center.

Oh look, a pink Team USA leo. Can we at least sway out the center oval for a star or something? Canadians get a maple leaf at least!

Gymnasts Snapchats

WAG non-elites albertamassey ashleyfoss1 lexie.priessman gbuti  <-gianna gambuti rachlukacs11 peyton-ernst Poof_Beucler sfinney37

Elites Arixoxox ashtonlocklear cchike  <-jordan chiles my-kayla2016 N_dennis23 <-Nia dennis nicaahults nichols.maggie rgowey simonebiles

non-us elites agnessuto amy_pilkinton analago95

Netherlands Team eythora kirstieee_ly <-Kirsten_Polderman liekewevers lissaa_top noelvanklaveren shirleyvandeene

Spainish team sandreamati <-i think she’s a jr? lauragamellgym martatona77 martitocosta nataroos98 norafdeziniesta pavlovinchi_plz paula.raya2 Swaggypopps  <-roxanna poppa

Italian team gio_campana95

retired gymnasts shawneyj victoriamoors

MAG djl4117 verniaiev.gym

This is all I got so far, please send me a message or post here any other public snapchats and I’ll add them to the list!  If anyone thinks a name shouldn’t be on here for some reason let me know why and I’ll remove it.

Also, no guarantee that they will friend you back, or ever post a public snapstory, please don’t send them stupid/disturbing messages either.

I really like her aerial to Korbut on beam. I can’t help but think that’s exactly the kind of thing Aliya should do to have a legit acro series on beam. 

I was kind of wondering if the Korbut was a placeholder for an eventual LOSO.

I know it’d be difficult, but what if she did a Rulfova instead of the Korbut? 

I remember reading somewhere that Brazil as host country is already guaranteed a team spot, so the Andrade issue isn’t as bad. 

Thank you to everyone who has liked and reblogged my Splash of Leo series. I really appreciate the support. I have sent a few off for printing in a couple of different formats. A couple I want to use for my portfolio but the rest I will give away and if they come out really nice, I will order some more to sell. 

In the meantime, I’ve hit a bit of a block with which leo’s to do next, particularly perhaps some older or more famous designs. If you have any ideas please let me know! General comments are always appreciated, I love reading your feedback.

OH YOU.  These/you are heaven. 

I would love to see anything from 1996, although the Mag7 leo is a lot like Aly’s FX one.  Whatever, I love them. 

Also, Lilia’s AA leo is to die for. 

Could you do some NCAA leos? 

I’m so happy with this post I mean it sources one of my favourite medical facts (fetuses don’t feel pain) to an article which is not only scientifically sound but actually published in a reputable medical journal ahhhhhhhhhhhh