Lately I have been getting this black hole feeling in my stomach. The same feeling when I found out my scenes got cut from Blue Valentine. I will never forget the feeling of emptiness and the feeling of loosing hope and faith in myself. It is so hard to stay positive and keep going when every amazing opportunity I have falls through. It is rough to make it when you live in a small town instead of a big city. Everything is about who you know, and who do I know in Bethlehem? Besides the local bagel shop, and Barnes and Noble employee’s. I have always wanted to be who I am in a place that finds me excepting.
I always wished I was that person who could just pick up and move with 2 bags and $10 left in there pocket and move to a big city. But to me that is just super unrealistic unless you have your parents financial support at your disposale. I want to be independent, I want to be successful, I want to be unrealistically happy. Sometimes opening emails and finding out that your not right after being in talks for months is a huge blow.
I am slowing loosing faith. I need to stay positive somehow. Or maybe it is just I am drinking to much black coffee.