1AM Thought: October 17, 2018

Why. Why do we do what we do?

Why does he who sings gather much of his breath, crunches his lungs, and deliver rhythm and rhyme? 

To artists who create oh so beautiful masterpieces; out of nothing something exists that was once only a figment of imagination. How? But most importantly, why?

From which farmers plant and harvest, the reasons are quite elementary. But for he who teaches, he may never live to see the day of what fruit and other products his labor would come to. But he teaches, regardless. Why?

And so in as much we ask these question about these people, we do must so ask to ourselves as well. Why do we do what we do?

May we not travel far in thought as why he who writes this wrote it. Or as to why he who might be reading still continues to read, line by line, word after word, question after question.

We are defined by our whys and hows. How we see life should be is why we do most things that are bound in its sphere, we even go as far as what might lie beneath and beyond life itself; Without ever truly knowing it to be right, wrong, or misguided.

And so we move forward. Believing in our own truths, in our own little worlds. Not realizing that our hows and whys are, in many ways, very powerful. So much so that it reaches, touches, and empowers others. Which then prompts us to make more responsible ones; ones that are good; ones that encourage others to encourage many others as well.

And so we discover that we must have a why that leans to what is good; for ourselves, others, and the many that are to come after us.

And this, i believe, is a good why no matter what it is. One that does not only take care of the self, but for a greater collective.

Never have i ever wanted so much to just disappear. To just vanish. I used to care if people would wonder where i went, or what could have happened. But now i can't seem to understand why. I mean, what for, anyway?

Retrospect

I watched a lot of Disney growing up. This was why I wanted to be an animator. It even came to a point when my friends and i would make comics of our own and let it each other read them.

I also came across National Geographic, Animal Planet, and The Discovery Channel, too. This was where my love for animals emerged - cats, big ones specifically. So this was where my dream of becoming an animal caretaker came from; to be a zoologist.

But after a few years, i discovered my passion for creating content from capturing moments, photography and videography. But I ended up taking up a business course in college anyway. I finished that course, albeit a few semester later than most. But I did.

I ended up doing what i loved to do anyway. Make content. It may not be Hollywood quality, but having some repeat clients tell me that there’s some good in what i’m doing.

Just saying: what i’m doing now is a distant option from my original plan. Sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want them to. Most of the time we’re not going to like it, more so understand why. But it all makes sense in the long run, in the end.

I started out working for free for family and friends for birthdays and outings. This photo is somewhere 4 or 5 years down that path; checking in at 2 am in a hotel for an early call-time shoot in a few hours. It was a long day prior that, and even longer one during the day. But all is well, my team and I made it through.

As most of us do. There will be times that we feel like things will be impossible to handle. Accept that fact, but go on anyway.

Day 5

Let it Go, James Bay

Ground Zero

Here we are once again, turning to social media in the hopes of channeling recent events into some form of literature. And yet again recent events being... wait for it...heartbreak. Though we are no neophytes in such endeavor, it doesn’t seem to get old. 

This time around it hurts in a unique way because the paramour in this story was also quite unique; probably the rarest find in recent years. Interests, way of thinking, and the general ambiance of her presence were all new to me. Time slowed down, almost into a complete halt whenever she entered any room. And it showed in my face as that smile you know you don’t get a lot of. Not a lot of people knew, though. But it was a source of some form of comfort that as things were progressing (or so i thought they were), people around started to notice. And were rooting for the best.

From the get-go, it was a challenging attempt: competition was minimal, but stiff. Mostly were artists, creators that were making names for themselves in the small scene we have here. Not to totally discredit my own talents and skills, but insecurity’s whispers were frequent and often hitting its mark on its right time and place. Although support was there, some form of strategy was mapped out, and a more mature approach was applied, it all still boiled down to the preference of the person in question. This we have learned recently that things brewing within myself were not as mutual as i had hoped. Not even remotely. Or maybe just ever so slightly remotely the same. And even that’s already pushing it.

Which brings us back to ground zero. A place where I have learned to embrace as one that i will be in frequently in many of life’s aspects in many coming years (if any). You think you get used to rejection after some time. There’s no vaccine for it, and liquid happiness can only ever get you by for some time. People will be there to comfort you, at least for a while. Eventually, most of them will tire with and from you. With and from me. Save for a few special ones that I am eternally grateful for. Very much grateful indeed.

Although all is not lost, a good friendship can still be saved. Maybe. It will be difficult as the intention and attention will still be there. And it will be there for some time, as we have learned in the past. 

And all of this is happening amidst career struggles, family issues, and spiritual battles going on. We are almost masters of composure; that is to endure things gracefully. It will hardly ever show, this heavy feeling of loss. But it’s there, it is real.

Hello darkness, my old friend. May we come out of this tunnel sooner than later.

Will McAvoy of The Newsroom, E01S01

Southbound_Sundays.jpegs

Crash Into Me, Dave Mathews

Sugbo Mercado your weekend food market

Sugbo Mercado your weekend food market

launch forth into the deep.

Lazy Sunday / Honeydrop send off.