Narcissists train their victims not to stand up for themselves.
Narcissists typically either rage, bully, justify, reject, or fly into defensiveness when a person stands up for themselves against something they’ve done or said (or didn’t do or say).
This is because when a person stands up for themselves against their behavior, to a Narcissist that’s an accusation of not being a wonderful, perfect person who’s always in the right, or who has authority ranking and therefore is superior and “above reproach”.
This is how targets get trained not to stand up for themselves. The victim lives in fear of reaction. Fear of massive consequences, drama, chaos, smearing, raging, and the problems that those behaviors cause for them in the rest of their life, including their emotional or physical well-being.
• If the bear swipes at you, pretend it didn’t hurt, pretend you didn’t notice it.
• If the bear didn’t feel like showing up, calling you when they said they would, responding, helping when you’re in need or danger, following through with plans or doing something they had committed to, you just say you understand (when you finally hear from them), or don’t mention it at all.
• No matter what the bear does or says, always show admiration, affection, or sympathy, (always), always give them attention right when they want it, (always), never be busy doing anything else, and always drop everything when they want attention.
• No matter what you’re dealing with, never show your sadness, pain, illness, frustration or anger in front of the bear, for this will upset the bear and mess up his or her happy mood.
• Never try to explain your point of view to the bear, nor try to engage the bear in a real discussion about the relationship between you, or about his or her behavior, or about your feelings. This will annoy or anger the bear.
• Never hold the bear to any expectations or commitments or agreements, and always tell the bear you understand.
• And don’t leave the bear for any reason unless he or she tells you to leave, and come back immediately when the bear tells you to.
• Otherwise, the bear will fly into a rage, or wreck your stuff, or ruin your relationships, or attack you, or attack people you care about, or withdraw any and all friendship, family relationship or support, or destroy your reputation.
