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Roniit

@roniit-blog

I am Roniit. I am what I let myself become. www.roniit.com
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I looked up at the fading skyline

I knew it was a moment I’d never forget

The wind whistled through my hair

But the air was warm and gentle

The memory would be faint as a ghost soon

I know these precious fragments of time we share

They always leave me hopelessly longing for more

I brush my fingertips softly against your skin

The passion I live for, the moments that inspire my art

You’re a muse to me, and I’m willing to risk everything

Even if you break me, its worth it for the songs Ill sing

The sky is painted with millions of stars now

And I remember that I must seize this opportunity

To let myself go, to help you let go

I melt into you like I always do

Unable to resist the magnetic pull

We move soft and slow

Bathing in the amber aura

You gracefully grasp my neck

and send chills up my back

And my body moves in waves with you

Locked together in the flow

In your clutches, my breathless desperation

I remember to open my eyes

To the endlessly open sky

I let my back bend into the cracked earth

This moment breaking through my heart

We move faster as the world falls apart

And I let go as I come to the stars.  

#poetry him romance obsession heartache longing joshuatree
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Him

Deep sigh, you’re more like a mystery

You tremble against me

But we have the same dreams

You’re pulsing collide with my body

You crumble around me

In love with pain

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It’s story time!

So I have this house in the mountains.  It looks super gothic and cool!  I bought it back in November.  When I bought it I was asking my real estate agent if anyone had died in the house.  He kinda just laughed and said no or that he didn’t know.  So I’m living in this house and just loving it and decided to add one of the past owners on Facebook because he made the house so beautiful.  He carved wooden arches, made the stained glass door, etc.  I needed to know him.  He ends up telling me that someone did in fact die in the house!  That really freaked me out, but what can you do.  People die in houses all the time.  

Fast forward to last week.  I hired an exterminator (after an hour of research I found the right person who gave me a good vibe - I don’t just hire anyone).  She comes over and looks really shaken up and says “Do you own this house?” and I say “yes I do” and she goes “well I’ve been here before”.  My first thought is oh shit - there is some sort of pest or insect infestation they didn’t tell me about when I bought it.  Nope, that’s not the case.  She had been to my house years before with her ex-wife who is a medium!  Her ex was hired by a real estate agent to cleanse the house of spirits. So of course I’m like WHOA I NEED MORE INFORMATION.   I get the business card of this medium.

I then email the medium who asks me to coffee.  So we got coffee today and she told me the whole story as well as her abilities to see and sense spirits, she’s been seeing them since she was a little kid - super cool.   She does psychic readings and is opening the first meditation center in our town.

Anyway, the story she told me:  Four years ago (two owners before me) the house was listed for sale.  A woman made an offer.  The offer was too low so they denied it.  She then told the real estate agent that she was a witch and was putting a curse on the house.  The next three people to put in offers on their house either had heart attacks or aneurisms.  They would get into escrow and then cancel due to their failing health.  So the real estate agent was like “well maybe i should get someone to come reverse this spell”.  This medium goes in and said it felt like there were tons of spirits in there, as if someone had been messing with a Oujai board and didn’t know what they were doing.  So she cleansed the house and put a protection spell on it.  Two weeks later it sold.  

Three years later I’m saying “I must find a gothic looking house and the house  number must add up to 11 or 22 because I’m super into numerology”.  Six months of house hunting and the day my condo in Denver closes this house comes on the market.  I buy it, almost have a heart attack in the process because the escrow got extended for a month and i was without a home in LA.  Anyway… I didn’t died or have a heart attack and the guy I bought this house from has no idea about any of this.  Somehow I put myself in the way of all this information.  My house has been cursed by a witch, cleansed, and now I’m in it being a witch… a good witch though of course.  Not an evil one.

Last year I started getting into Tarot cards, spirituality, divination, etc.  Now all these things are just happening.  Last year I told my friend Cameron that I wanted to know other people who felt like they were witches or psychic.  He said that if I want that it will just happen naturally.  He told me witches just magically find each other.  Well I think it’s happening now.  I believe.  

#stories#storytime#witchhouse#ghoststory#witch#witches#goth#gothic#gothhouse#fairytale#truestory#creepy#scary#forect#cottage#spooky#california
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Under Pressure

Why are we trained to believe we are only as valuable as our achievements   I’ve let life pass by me these last few years as I’ve been obsessed with what I’m working on.  I’m constantly brewing up new ideas, songs, music videos, running my little business, and thinking about the next goal.  I’m climbing some invisible ladder that only I know exists.  I never look back though.  I never appreciate what I’ve already done and I’m never EVER satisfied.  When I first started making music I thought the stress would end after the first album.  Nope - I instantly started planning a tour and huge local events.  Then that was over and i thought i would be able to finally relax… no.  I started writing an EP.  The cycle continues.  I make music because I love music.  It flows from deep within me and always has.  I can’t not make music.  What I don’t love is the pressure and stress I put on myself to get to the next level.  All the planning, marketing, promotion, photoshoots, merchandising, post office visits, social media, emailing, etc etc.  I absolutely love it.  I love all of that but why am I still stressing myself out.  I honestly just want to spend the majority of my time being a human.  I’m now paying my bills by renting out my house for vacation rentals and video shoots.  I’ve found a way to make more money doing next to nothing than I made when I worked 8 hours a day 5 days a week.  It’s remarkable - yet I still feel stressed and pressured.  I wish I could stop self inflicting.  I feel myself relapsing into the anxious person I was three years ago.  I took anti anxiety mediation for two years and it was glorious.  I was free.  I got off because i felt strong… but I’m not.  I just want to be happy and carefree.  I want to travel the world, laugh with friends, see nature and experience life and human connections.  I don’t want to sit alone in my dream house and pressure myself all day to work on a goal that only I know and care about.  I’ll never stop making music but maybe my music will be better if i can just fucking relax.  This blog is going no where.

#stories anxiety pressure
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Dealing with Anxiety

I have struggled with hypochondria on and off since I was 16.  This is the fear of dying, thinking I have diseases I don’t have, and convincing my self that even mild pain is related to something bigger thats slowly killing me.  When I type it out it sounds absolutely ridiculous but it’s real.  If I’m feeling fine physically I don’t have much anxiety or depression.  If something is off though… a stomach ache, a cold, any illness I go into full blown panic mode.  For the last three months I’ve been dealing with a health issue.  It’s nothing that will kill me but it’s frustrating, unpleasant, and scares me.  I start wondering if there is something more serious going on that I’m not aware of.  I have a lot of stomach pain and I have panic attacks at night because I start to worry that I’m actually dying.  Every day we hear about people getting diagnosed with cancer and other life threatening illnesses.  I’m terrified that I’m next.  

I don’t want to let this fear exist though.  I don’t want to think this way and just writing this and putting the words down shows me how ridiculous it is.  The fear that I carry with me every day is actually worse than the physical pain I feel.  What I put myself through mentally is completely unnecessary and makes my life miserable.  But it’s all in my head.  I’m creating all of it and putting myself through hell for no reason.  I’m aware that if I actually am dying then worrying about it is not going to help.  In fact it will probably make it worse because stress weakens your immune system.  I’m tired of letting my anxiety define me.  

I’ve been laying in bed for almost three days, barely able to work and uninspired to make music.  My anxiety is debilitating.  My heart races, I feel depressed, I’m weak, and have no energy.  All I can do is worry.  The more I worry the worse I feel and the worse I feel the more I worry.  It’s a vicious cycle and I do not want to live life like this.  I’ve felt this before and I was prescribed anti anxiety medication which I took for two years and actually quit in May.  It made me a robot.  I don’t want to be a robot.  I want to be normal and I want to control my anxiety and get through it.

How many other people are suffering from this.  Anxiety can ruin your life.  It’s crazy because we invent it, we allow it, and it’s not REAL.  

I have the most amazing life.  Everything I’ve ever wanted is finally happening but I’m not enjoying it because I’m too busy worrying.  I want to put a stop to this.  I’m acknowledging that it’s ridiculous and I’m putting this out there for anyone else who has a similar problem.  I want to be in control again.  My anxiety is not serving me.  Worrying will not help the situation.  I’ve worried about dying before and it’s never been real.  It’s all in my head.  I want to break the cycle once and for all.  Release from worry.  

#anxiety#depression#hypochondria#hypochondriac#sad#stories#thoughts#help#darkness
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