History Jokes

Penguins attend classes on the first day of school at the University of Antarctica, 2007

i know this is fake history but i hope it’s real future

if you needed proof that i’m really not cut out for the casual environment of teaching from my living room, just know that today i almost ruined a 20 minute long video i was recording about romano-british culture because i almost said “this dude fucks” while talking about the bitchin outfits worn by british chieftains

in my defense look at this dude! the level of ‘this dude fucks’ here is off the charts

oh this dude does fuck

i miss thomas paine

only bitch w common sense

In light of the current political (and comic) climate, I thought my traditional Fourth of July meme post needed an update

#indulgences

Andrew Jackson stood in his office, startled when his campaign manager walked in to speak with him.

"Sir," he said, "A new party has surfaced and their main goal is to oppose you and your views."

Jackson turned around. "Really?" he inquired, intrigued, "and what do you say we should do about it?"

The campaign manager gravely looked at him. "I know it seems drastic, but we simply cannot let them win. I suggest we try and steal one of their most important members."

Jackson was startled. He asked for the name of the party, and when the manager gave it to him, he turned to look out a window in thought. Steal a party member, he thought, we could do it.

He turned to the manager. "Create a plan. It will surely shake them to have a Whig snatched."

So I went to the museum today…

eating bread dipped in soup unlocks new emotions

that 16th century peasant feeling

The ides of March is coming up what’s everyone getting me?

i never understood how we’ve reinvented heiroglyphics until now

Fun fact y’all, the reason why so many Ancient Greek and Roman statues have tiny genitalia was because large ones were associated with stupidity, ugliness, and foolishness. Smaller penises meant rationality, wisdom, and authority. If you look for ancient statues of well-known horny and mischievous figures like Pan, they have hella large dicks.

i’m stupid and my meat is huge

himbos

A jock in an ancient Grecian locker room: lol look at this dudes tiny meat

The guy whose about to invent the rumor that a tiny penis makes you smart: oh you havent heard?

british money’s called “quid”, short for liquid, which used to be the official currency. any liquid. “as long as it splash we use it for cash”- old british saying

I wish I could terrorize ancient people with things that are commonplace today

releasing a roomba into the greek forums

I wish I could terrorize ancient people with things that are commonplace today

releasing a roomba into the greek forums