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sorry i’m late, sweetheart

@crypt-0rchid / crypt-0rchid.tumblr.com

| Sage | 26 |
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mintmatcha

your alpha best friend who always promises he won't knot you as he 'helps' your heats, but then always ends up locking his knot as deep as possible. after, he plays with your tits and kisses your neck and humps you the best he can with being able to pull out to stay knotted to you as long as possible--anything to give himself a better breeding chance

you're still practically high off of your heat, so you just let him lay on top of you and coo about giving you a litter... sniffing your pulse point to see if your scent has changed from fertile to claimed

and then if your scent still hasn’t changed, he looks at you, pretending as if he’s studying your face super hard until he just clicks his tongue against his teeth and goes “you look like you could use a lil’ more… here, let’s try again just to get the heat to ease up, yeah?” even though HE’S the one who’s not satisfied because he hasn’t succeeded in knocking you up yet.

after a couple rounds, he starts fucking you harder and harder, desperation almost driving him into his own rut.

"Thought we were friends," he breathes into your neck.

"B-best friends," is all you can reply with.

"Best friends and you won't even have my baby?"

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jesterbots

genuinely one of the saddest parts of this new era of the internet is how hard it is to rick roll someone now. with people's attention spans shortening so much, they wouldn't even get through the first few bait seconds before clicking off the video. like i saw a comment that ended with "btw i made all of this up" and the replies kept treating it so seriously because none of them finished the entire 4 sentence comment. and We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I (do I) A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

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dogmotif

i love tumblr because sometimes i get an urge to rb posts about something nobody likes and everyone just politely ignores me. everyone's like oh he's fallen into madness again, he'll be fine later i guess

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okay tumblr’s exclusion from the twitter social media ban list is hilarious but genuinely we do not belong on there. if a real human person asks “where can i find you on social media” and your choice is a swift death or revealing your tumblr, most of us would simply expire. half of y’all change urls every week like you’re in witness protection. just imagine for one second attaching your wholeass government name to your latest two am clownposting and tell me that didn’t send a cold chill down your spine. the only place i ever want to see the words “connect with me on tumblr!” is on the ao3 profile of an author i’m actively stalking. anyone in the world can follow me except anyone i personally know. antisocial media.

fully obsessed with the people in the notes who are like “i don’t know what y’all are worried about 🙄 i simply curate an entire dummy tumblr account connected to a different email address where i reblog a regular stream of cute animals and aesthetic pictures of old buildings and then give that url out instead” like they’re maintaining a deep cover identity for a cold war spy. completely normal behavior.

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darubyprincx

"who radicalized you" ever since i was a child i wanted other people to be treated nicely and fairly because i didnt understand why theyd deserve otherwise and it fills me with disgust seeing how people treat their fellow human beings sometimes

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