Bromez Addams

alright, i'll reblog that

Strong Winds Causing This Waterfall To

Spray Upwards ..

you know what fuck you *unfalls your water*

Jenny Slate, Stage Fright (2019)

Ugly, Bitter, and True by Suzanne Rivecca

John Mulaney on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2020)

“Robin Williams and Why Funny People Kill Themselves” by David Wong

letters from Medea, salma deera

U ever been so tired ur eyelids burn when u blink

Saudi Arabia gave women permission to drive and this is the first thing they do 😭

This shit’s harder than ANY post malone track

This goes harder than any rap song made by a man

So I work at a video game store in a mall and across the hall from us is this really nice suit shop. One day one of the guys came in an asked if they could use our microwave (the store they used to go to closed down) and we bargined for use of their bathroom in return since the mall bathrooms are like a 5 min trek.

So for like three months now we just have these men in really nice suits come in and talk while using our microwave and teach them about nerdy shit? Then I, the goblin king in various shitty tee shirts and paint stained pants, walk into their super expensive store and just get greeted with “Yo dude what’s good?” and talk about the pains of steaming silken dress shirts properly and it’s my favorite business interaction every day

A new jewelry store opened up right next to our store and when I used the bathroom today we were talking about it. I hate it on principle (they flooded our systems closet during building) and immediately both Suit Guys™ working went on mini rants. “Their suits are baggy as hell, I wouldn’t trust them to sell me a $9,000 ring when they can’t get a fitted jacket. They look so unprofessional, ” and “I saw one of the dude’s wearing a teal shirt. It’s fall, and you go with teal? At least get a color to match your store if you’re gonna ignore the seasons like that, Christ, but teal is awful.”

I live for this commentary fam.

#flower shop/tattoo artist au is out #suit shop/nerd store au is in

I feel the need to add a story to this? My co-worker brought his longboard to work, and one of the suit guys reminisced on how he used to ride pretty often. So Co-Worker and I were like, “Dude, go give it a spin, who cares, this mall is huge.” He was nervous about it because there are mall cops on segways everywhere (with helmets, like bruh, full on Paul Blart) and he was worried he was gonna get caught, and eventually we made a bet that he could ride down to Macy’s and back (it’s like a straight shot). So dead ass, this man hung up his jacket, took a running start, and zipped down the hallway with his tie in the breeze.

He evaded the mall cops and claimed that was, “One of the biggest rushes he’s ever felt.”

LOVING THIS CONTENT

THIS CUTIE <3

credit

that is so adorable omgs

Hyah hyah hyah *stomp stomp stomp*

A Machoke teaches a smol baby Machop!😂🤣

the thing about carrying tension in your jaw is that once you've started it's really fucking hard to stop

reblog to make your followers unclench their jaws and be painfully aware of the fact that they’re actively unclenching thier jaws

please make this post go viral i need it to show up constantly in my activity feed thereby reminding me to relax my jaw

Conservatives want to negate black humanity and eliminate their experiences/POV.

[None of the books teach critical race theory]

maybe you should kiss a cat on its tiny little head then you'll feel better

ptah! ptah!! hair in my mouf

Just something I really want to share on here because it’s important.

this is really important to remember, even if you said something stupid and don’t feel like repeating it- it can still feel isolating to folks with hearing and auditory processing problems!

When you say “it wasn’t important”, you leave out the rest of the sentence.

“It wasn’t important enough for me to try to include you because you are not worth the extra effort on your own”

Ok the guy with the net fucking killed me, I’m sure my neighbors heard me laughing.

School shootings. They don’t want you to hide guns.

This is where we are, folks. We’ve come to the point where they’re demanding that children carry all of their school supplies in hand so that they don’t have to do anything about the gun violence problem in this shithole of a country.

I love malicious compliance

HISTORY COMES FULL CIRCLE, HOLY SHIT I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE STILL DOING THIS TO KIDS. 

They did this shit at my school way back when Columbine had just happened!

Naturally, we invented all sorts of bullshit ways to carry our shit, because what the fuck, we need backpacks. 

My favourites included: 

-Fishing rod with twine tied around two pencils and a small pocket notebook.

-Tons of people got those little clear plastic bags they have in grocery stores for fruit and shit, and used them as see-through pencil cases 

Note: THEY PROCEEDED TO THEN ALSO BAN THE BAGS AS “CHOKING HAZARDS”. WE WERE NOT THREE YEAR OLDS. OUR HEADS DIDN’T EVEN FIT IN THE FUCKING BAGS, AND BELIEVE ME, WE TRIED AS SOON AS THEY ANNOUNCED THE BAN, BECAUSE MOST OF US WOULD RATHER HAVE DIED THAN BEEN IN FUCKING SCHOOL BY THAT POINT. DID THEY THINK WE WERE GONNA STUFF THE BAGS DOWN OUR THROATS? CHRIST.)

-One kid dressed up like a priest and used the loose fabric of the cassock to carry three text books around all day. 

-Someone hollowed out a fucking loaf of bread, pretended to be French all day, and made a show out of pulling a ridiculous number of highlighters out of this fucking bread in the middle of class. 

Now that I think about it, I think that kid invented Panera Bread by accident. Y’know, the little bread soup bowls? This was that, but with highlighters instead of soup. 

Eventually, things escalated, and the principal called the police after he went to the parking lot and found his car broken into– Nothing was stolen, but there were about 5000 fucking backpacks stuffed in his car, to the point that the door wouldn’t even open.

I don’t know who did it, or what group of people did it, but they’re all fucking heroes because the next week backpacks were permitted again. 

a lot of people need to get comfortable with the idea that what you believe to be immoral and what you think should be illegal don’t have to match up and probably shouldn’t

#an otp that can do both

The key shortcut of “windows key” and “.” held together has changed my life

like

emoji access? supremely powerful 🙂💖

But

Kaomoji ?

The year is 2013 and I am unstoppable ヾ(•ω•`)o o(*￣▽￣*)ブo(*°▽°*)o

this long-kept secret was absolutely not meant for the public. But the power is in our hands, now…

o((⊙﹏⊙))o.

✪ ω ✪ …mother of god…

Are we sure this isn't just a wall painted by Wile E. Coyote?

Do you know how hard it is to live with a cat that has the intelligence level of literally like a 3 year old but the pure chaos of a high ranking demon?

He’s learned to open the lazy Susan and won’t stop clawing open the flour and rolling in it like a little chinchilla

Criminal charges

Hey hey hey HEY

He’s been CRAWLING INTO THE BOTTOM CABINETS to TEAR OPEN THE INSTANT POTATOES and EAT BAGS AND BAGS OF THEM I’m livid but also impressed.

Do you have anything with that kind of texture that he can safely play with? This sounds like an understimulation issue.

He’s not playing with it

He’s eating it.

I can tell because the bags are nearly empty except for a few small clumps.

I knew he loves mashed potatoes. I just didn’t know the extent he’d go to to get them.

We had him tested and in the course of that vet visit he stole

6 tips

3 of the ear light cover things

Our other cats collar

the ear bud of the vets stethoscope 

several hearts

a plastic glove

the vet techs hair tie

Also yeah he’s fine he just likes to steal

Not guilty by reason of deficiency of other people’s stuff

This is his ledge

His ledge is taller then my husband who is 6’2”

I am 5’5”

I have to get the step ladder out once a week and see what Orange Sherbert has taken to his ledge for safe keeping. It’s usually the remote.

Narratively speaking, ending this saga with the reveal that his name is Orange Sherbert was a masterstroke.