Girl, Help?

talking to people while holding a beverage is awesome because you don't have to know what to do with your hands and when you don't know what to do with your face you can just take a sip

this frame from the fallout tv show is so funny i nearly puked watching it

as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine

sorry. only semi-related but i simply wasn't ready for "the sun is a distant gorilla". thank you NASA

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

Huge fan of when my speech patterns rub off on people enjoy when thay happens

NEVERMIND MY GRANDMA JUST SAID SKILL ISSUE

This Friday's meme is: the perfect being

Have you seen fossilised crabs. They're hilarious they literally do just

Straight up they are just fully there. Shellfish are really fun like that, i have a shrimp fossil in my collection that's like. Yeah it's just 100% a shrimp, legs and antennae and all. When your skeleton is on the outside, it means your outside fossilises really well.

what i love about mlp fim is that the power of friendship is not a symbolic thing it is a real and tangible force so potent it can be channeled into killing people

friendship beam. explode

Skeletor has forever destroyed our ability to come up with voices for skeleton characters.

this is like saying NASA has forever destroyed our ability to wonder what it's like on the moon. like we can still use our powers of imagination if we want to but the question's pretty much fucking settled.

People in Splatoon are genuinely funnier than I could ever aspire to be

Theyre the same animal

shoutout to girls who do not understand the difference between ‘the bit’ and ‘waging psychological warfare’

"you need to let it go" that would be really cool, unfortunately I'll take it with me to the grave