look how the turntables

y’all: my love language is ‘words of affirmation’!

me, an intellectual: praise kink

i see y'all liking this but not reblogging y'all are COWARDS

a clownboy (half clown, half cowboy) says yeehonk

this is it. the worst post i’ve ever seen. my own two eyes are cursed

Dali’s Giraffe

Dali’s Inferno

Dali’s Elephant

X

all 3 are my work. it’s just my signature changed in 2018 that’s all.

we will never know the scale of their riches 

barnyard the original party animals is the uncontested lord of bad implications in childrens movies

ok so like “the secret life of x” movies tend to not strongly explore the actual reasons why, exactly, their life has to be secret… they don’t really focus on it within the narrative. They do usually have some small justification for why animals or video games or toys or whatever have never just revealed themselves:

and the last one is what most animal movies do, and it’s like, not devoid of weird implications but you can see where it mostly works.

but barnyard is the outlier here: it goes with tier one: the animals can talk and walk on two legs but just pretend that they can’t for unstated reasons. 

in the history of the barnyard world non human animals, at some point, decided to just pretend to be unable to speak. a “cow” or a “coyote” or a “hen” do not exist as we know it in the barnyard universe. the baa of the sheep is false; the ewe doesn’t understand it either. they only made up that noise to hide the fact that they speak human languages. a dog barking and running on all fours is a facade. animals naturally walk on their hind legs and made up whole postures just to appear non sentient.

and for what? what do they gain from this? they have no rights and no voice by their own choice. at one point a donkey claims the farmer is a good person because he’s vegan and a pig mentions bacon - this is not a fantasy universe devoid of death and misery and meat. do animals, in hushed whispers, remind their children not to sob in their real voice as they’re taken away? do the dogs not beg for kindness when they’re tied up and hit? do cows and chickens not cry for their life in the slaughterhouses? does a rat not scream a human scream when the trap misses their neck and only breaks their spine? Why? what is the point? They loose so much and have everything to gain.

anyways does everyone remember this really awful cat. it only appears in one scene but i can just sense the porn of it that would pop up if i googled it’s name

This post is like being tied to a chair as a a joker-style villain monologues and presses a gun closer and closer to my head as he reaches the climax of his rehearsed piece on the flaws of society and when he finally pulls the trigger it’s a little flag that says “bang!”

mobert psychology the 100th

what the fuck is this post for. its not even funny or even a meme its literally a middle school math lesson. fuck you and fuck this website

Saw so many suggestively, luxuriously posed St. Sebastians at the Louvre, you don’t even know. 

@lilliburlero I feel like this might make you laugh

I trust you have all read Mallory Ortberg’s The Martyrdom Of Saint Sebastian, In Ascending Order Of Sexiness And Descending Order Of Actual Martyring

tag @thesierrasimone

This is a thing. As an art historian I can confirm.

“ This one doesn’t even have any arrows in him, there aren’t any arrows even in the picture, he’s just falling over and not-wearing a beautiful crimson robe, he is just dying of HAVING A BEAUTIFUL PRE-RAPHAELITE MOUTH” [x]

this is the only thing I ever consider in st sebastian devotional portraits tbh because, in Mallory’s own immortal words, that guy’s face is constantly shining like he just fellated a tube of coral lipstick.

… Seb?

Saint Sebastian. Nuff’ Said.

@crossroadscastiel anything about St. Sebastian makes me immediately think of you

Listen to this 

The finesse game was real 😂

Lmfaoooo this was funny af

LMFAO

When she said “FIRE” ♥️

Wooooowwww

harry can’t duel

harry can’t duel

harry cannot duel

he only uses expelliarmus and he cannot duel

even if he’s dueling the FUCKING DARK LORD

Imagine the conversation ministry officials must be having when they see his auror application:

“He’s Harry Potter!”

“I know but that doesn’t change the fact-”

“Harry! Freaking! Potter!”

“We still need him to attend extra duelling lessons-”

“We can’t put Harry Potter in extra duelling lessons!”

“He only ever uses one spell-”

“Yeah, but he’s really good at it.”

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who had practiced one kick 10,000 times. - Bruce Lee

Harry Potter, the boy who dared to ask, “why study all these other spells if I can get really good at yeeting everyone’s wands out of their hands”

So I just went with my buddy while he got a rib tattoo, and they hurt like a lot, so he’s over there grimacing and being a huge manbaby so I just reach over and grab his hand so he can squeeze it because I’m a good person who helps others

And he’s clinging to my hand like it’s a life preserver and I’m being me and talking about nonsense like Grimace from the McDonalds commercials and how R2D2 is always ready to throw hands, and whatever, and the artist keeps glancing over at me and I’m like do your tattoo bro I’ve got my buddy handled

But then I realize he’s like, looking over because he can’t tell if he’s seeing something or not, and I glance down and I see my rainbow scalemail bracelet, and how I’m talking to my buddy all fondly and I’m like stroking his arm like he’s a wounded animal, and right as it clicks in my head the tattoo artist asks in his most nonchalant voice possible, like intentionally bland, I’m just talking about the weather haha what do you mean voice:

“So, are you guys close?”

And my gay ass is over to the side internally screaming because yeah, I am gay, but like this is just me being a good bro and my buddy is COMPLETELY OBLVIOUS TO WHAT IS HAPPENING BECAUSE HE’S A GARBAGE STRAIGHT PERSON AND HE SAYS

“Yeah of course, that’s why I asked him to come”

SO NOW THE TATTOO ARTIST THINKS HE’S RIGHT AND HE HAS A GAY COUPLE GETTING A TATTOO AND MY BUDDY HAS NO IDEA AND I’M AWKWARDLY SITTING HERE LIKE SHOULD I STOP HOLDING HIS HAND??? SHOULD I CORRECT THIS TATTOO ARTIST??? SHOULD I LET MY BUDDY KNOW??? MY GAY ASS DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE BEING INCORRECTLY ACCUSED OF BEING GAY, WHAT DO YOU DO

So that tattoo artist is like “Cool man, that’s great. Good for you.”

So then my buddy is like can I get some water, and the guy comes back with one bottle of water and my buddy takes a drink and then hands it to me, and I’m like obviously he has to lay down and needs me to hold his water so I just hold it in my hand, but turns out he was offering me water, so he turns to me and is like Colton, drink some water, and I take a drink and my garbage lizard brain is like “You’re drink sharing in front of the tattoo artist, now he KNOWS he’s right”

So we’re talking about tattoos with the artist and I mention that I’m getting a tattoo in September and my buddy is like “Yeah I’m gonna go and hold HIS hand for that one haha” and the tattoo artist FUCKING SAYS “I mean, I should hope so”

I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO

I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO

AND NO ONE ACTUALLY BROUGHT IT UP. I KNEW WHAT THE TATTOO ARTIST WAS THINKING BUT DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING TO CORRECT HIM. NOW WHEN MY BUDDY GOES BACK AND GETS HIS NEXT TATTOO IN THE FUTURE AND I’M NOT THERE HE’S GOING TO GO “OH WHERE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND”

*me deep in the woods bent over a tree with my whole ass out* oh no I hope bigfoot doesn’t find me like this and raw me with his big fa

Bigfoot straight up took him out before he could finish this powerful shitpost.

*drenched in cum* hey guys I’m back what did I miss

All of us asking you to delete.

Cursed post

The meanest crip walk I have ever seen

Smooth as fuck

They deserve trophies

Ok but lil homie with the 3 ponytails tho!!! The grade A pure organic sauce she was supplying is undeniable. 🤦🏾‍♂️AÍ MAMÁ MIA

my inability to make this video go viral was certainly my biggest failure of 2017

a collage and a recreation in gouache, a final art project and Christmas present for my mom

birbs