I believe it's October 11th sometimes the days just melt into each other and here we are again I talked to snap again today after talking to them three times over the past week I don't trust them anymore a lot of times they just give you lip service and Shuffle paperwork the last time I talked to someone I don't even believe the report went through I don't know the system but again I just don't trust them I spoke to the guy today and he was very kind but again I feel that a lot of it was just lip service he said he was going to send me an email so I could remember who it was that I spoke to and that never came I don't know snap tells me that while I had an attack several weeks ago of ketoacidosis and almost went into a coma and died that my application expired so it was denied and there was nothing he could do about it so he wants me to fill out a new application I told him they already have all the information nothing has changed and he said he would link the old application to the new one for the information I didn't know which one to fill out so I called them and a lady told me to pick whichever application I wanted for SNAP there were two because it didn't matter which one I filled out so I elected to fill out the one that said it was shorter but it didn't seem like it anyway I just don't know what to think anymore I'm having more physical problems it's making it more difficult on a daily basis. I'm not ashamed of anything there's nothing you can do about health problems so I'm guessing it's called autonomic neuropathy I had trouble a few times over the past several years but this year it has gotten constant I don't think I'm digesting food properly anymore and it's very painful and to go to the bathroom is even more painful past the point of needing to go to the hospital but I refuse to go so I try and handle it here at home the pressure the force the bleeding and all the gross stuff that comes with it including the hemorrhoids. I posted on Facebook asking any family members that mostly avoid me and hate me for help and nobody came forward so I never got the little fridge that I needed for medication and the liquid supplements on top of all the other stuff I need. It's been over a year April of last year since I've had no money to buy any of the basic things I need. And now snap is no more so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. When you're a single male you're not a priority for any of these organizations, they really don't care about you, they will jump if you're an expected mother or you have a family but I don't so I'm at the bottom of the list. I'm just not sure what to do anymore I don't really have any help and well I think I should stop for now before it cuts me off and tells me it loses my post like it usually does I'll check in again soon I'll try my best. Take care the world is getting more dangerous every day.
It's October 6th 2023 time to exhausted to go through it all again I just spoke a very very long post and they told me there was a hiccup and for me to try again it doesn't save it as a draft it doesn't do anything to help me I was talking about my pain and suffering and the health problems that I'm going through now I'm not sure how long I can make it. I don't know how long I can survive everything is getting worse my health my situation Etc and I have no help that's all I'm going to say for now like I said I can't do it all over again I'll try and remember what I said another time and I'll try to post soon please take care of yourself
It's 10:00 at night September 21st, the episode that I suffered it's called ketoacidosis and it almost put me in a coma and killed me, that was 3 weeks ago and for the first time in the past few days I'm able to sit up and actually talk but I have very little energy and like I said before perhaps this is the limit that I've been wondering about I don't know if I can survive the odds are against me for a lot of reasons I don't have any help one person can't save the world a religious neighbor is responsible for using her bill money her light bill money for buying massive amounts of diabetic liquid supplements nutritional liquid supplements Gatorades Pedialyte electrolyte Waters I asked her why I was so tired I really didn't care I was ready to die and she told me that she did what God wanted her to do and that was enough for me to be very grateful to her. But again I am struggling she is only one person and I need a lot of help and I don't have it, on the other side of the world Americans are cleaning up trash and foreign countries because the Asians are too lazy to do it themselves, and that's a wonderful thing except where all the people here to help their own where are they many of them are somewhere for a photo op but truly what about the people that are dying and need help what about the people like me I don't know where are all these good people everyone talks about? I don't see any of this ending in a good way I am sick and I am exhausted and on top of that snap food stamp program of Texas hold the fast one and retaliated against me because I uploaded proof to them that I contacted Governor Abbott's office for help because of the way snap has been treating me so as of the 25th of last month I officially don't have snap in a few days would have been my day to collect and I can't I can't buy any of the supplements that I need the diabetic liquid supplements the nutritional liquid supplements I won't be able to buy any of it and because of that there's a better chance that I may not survive, they will tell you that anybody can get snap if they need it but that's a lie they want you to have a family of children or they want you to be female and Pregnant or just female I have the wrong last name and I'm a single male no matter that I'm dying and then I desperately need help to which I'm entitled to that doesn't really care about that I don't think that they ever did. Unless there's some type of miracle and snap reinstates my application for next week I won't be able to buy any of the stuff I need to survive. Where are all the people that are supposed to look over the snap program and make sure that it is helping the people that need to get the help where are they? I have been getting snaps since last year since I've been destitute with no money and it is probably the cruelest process I've ever gone through in my life they treat you like dirt and treat you like they're doing you a favor, where is Health and Human Services to make sure that I am getting the help that I need? Where is Governor Abbott in all of this? I am close and ready to give up I'm in a lot of pain emotionally physically I'm exhausted and I have no other help snap is perfectly happy denying me.
It's Tuesday August 29th 2023 yesterday I had some type of diabetic episode for several hours gasping for air I couldn't breathe I couldn't move or sit up, I realized that I may not have taken the medication the day before I don't know he took hours for me to be able to breathe properly again I still am having trouble breathing I had a banana and some water that's all I can do I'm too weak and tired to sit up, all I can think about now is what is it going to take for me to give up what is it going to take for me to reach my limit I've tolerated and enjoyed so much through my lifetime being ill since I was a child the older I get the worse it gets the more complications and conditions I get, I just don't know anymore. It is been a year since the in-law decided not to help me anymore with money for food and utilities he lied to me and then cut me off without any warning or notice, I was able to beg and plead for SNAP but every other month they could trying to cut me off they're trying to cut me off right now again I will know sometime next week if they've cut me off I've proven to them that I'm disabled I proven to them but I haven't worked in over 20 years and at that it was only a few months out of my lifetime. If I had gotten the help last year right away I may have been in a better position now there were a few people that could have helped me but they chose not to it's just easier for people not to bother anymore and these are family mind you and so-called friends, I don't know about people some of them have this sick desire to see a person die or suffer I don't know what it does for them perhaps it enhances their life or makes them feel better I don't know and I'm not going to speculate I'm lying here in the dark barely able to move or set up I just don't know anymore I'm so tired I am grateful for the life that I've had even though it has been riddled and full of suffering and pain but I just can't stop thinking about maybe it's time soon to just give up. I just don't have the energy for it.
So it's August 6th 2023 and I'm here laying in the stifling heat in the dark with a fan on, the small window AC that I've been using it's not working well enough and putting out air I have vacuumed the front of it several times but it just doesn't seem to be working probably the only reason I didn't have heat stroke today is because the humidity was lower than usual but it's forecasted all week that it's going to be over 100° every day I just don't know if I can survive it. I've had cans for several months of beans that a neighbor gave me but I can't even afford a can opener. And I'm not willing to try a knife again because I almost cut my hand several years ago doing that. I wanted to freeze a bottle of water but the bottle was too big for the little refrigerator that I have the medication in so it wouldn't fit, I found a small refrigerator that is a lot bigger than the one I have that would have more space for food for half off but half off of anything is still more than I have since I have nothing, I just don't know I try to remain hopeful but I don't know I need funds to fix things up to buy an AC another small refrigerator that's working since this one isn't working that well I knew electric skillet a microwave and a host of other things that I'm doing without just basic things everyday needs to function, snap of course has pulled the same stunt that they do every few months demanding that I get a note from a doctor when I've been disabled pretty much all my life they want something within 45 days, I tell them over and over again that I have no money to see a doctor no way to see a doctor no way to get there so we'll see what happens, I sent them legal documents that were signed some time ago saying that I was disabled but they'll choose to ignore them and turn me down so if I can get snap approved again for another 6 months I won't be able to buy any food. For some reason everybody thinks that if you're poor and you have nothing that everything is given to you that's not it not in my case at least I'm not in the preferred class, I don't fit in the right categories or boxes I don't fit in the basic ethnic categories or lifestyle categories I'm not married I don't have a bunch of children under the age of 18 so most agencies don't really give a s*** about you they don't want to help. You have to beg and plead for help help that you're actually entitled to but they're making you think that they don't have to give it to you and a lot of times they don't. I saw an AC online on sale today from Sam's but again there's no money, I've done my best to survive off and on my entire life but some days I just become exhausted over everything I'm so tired of the struggle. Who would have thought that as a little boy not even in middle school or elementary school yet that when I was hospitalized for scarlet fever that that would be the beginning of his disastrous life filled with chronic illness. I hold out hope in my mind and fantasize about things getting better that is all I can do once again.
Its aug 2, 2023 and im painfully out of breath I'm not quite sure what to say I feel awful, I went outside and turned the water on long enough to fill 12 -,1 gallon water bottles. I wish that could last me the week but probably not maybe only a few days, I'm getting tired I'm doing this, I'm getting kind of scared after years and years of congestive heart failure it seems like the past few months I'm getting weaker and I'm now getting out of breath quicker and or dizzy if I even bend over for the briefest amount of time or kneel down, yesterday I leaned over to pick a few things up off of the floor and I stood up and fell backwards actually I did fall backwards but the wall was there to catch me before I hit the floor, I don't know exactly what it is that I want if there was a warning it's not like I can afford to go to the hospital, but I don't want to want to be one of those people that's your pain and then 30 seconds later I'm dead and I'm here rotting for days because nobody gives a damn about me, I don't want people ravaging my belongings and stealing from me while I lay on the floor dead, like on those stories you occasionally read about. I so wanted to be able to have a better life and be happy for a little while before I'm gone, I'm doing my best but it's not good enough I don't see how I'm going to get out of my situation. Last night I pretended like I have since I was a little boy that I was shopping for another home someplace nice to move to and I also could buy some things that I need. I got on the Home Depot website and I pretended I had a budget so I could buy a new electric skillet to new microwave a new weed eater a new refrigerator since I don't have one to keep food in only the medication a little one and it's not working out well lately, a new window ac, and a few other things i desperately need, , I pretended that I had money to fix the bathroom so I had a working shower and tub and I had a washer and dryer again and fix the broken doors and windows, along with the water leak I've had since the hard freeze last year in November. I better stop for now the darkness is here but it's still terribly hot and I'm weak and tired, until next time, I realize there's a very good chance I'm whispering in the Wind and no one is seeing my posts or reading my writing but I am hopeful that there's a chance and that's all I can do. I remain hopeful that someone or a few people may reach out and help me if I give that up then there's nothing left for me to go on with.
July 29th 2023, I sure could use a miracle or a handful of them.
It is June 12th Monday 2023, as usual I always have a lot to say but always forget to post and then don't remember when I'm ready to post, but I would like to say that in the event I become incapacitated or deceased I would like my profile to remain up please, I give absolutely no one permission or access to my profile and or profiles on any of my social media, I repeat I give absolutely no one permission or access to any of my social media profiles, no one, no acquaintances, no family, absolutely no one. Thank you
Of course it would be nice to just pick up and leave and go to a new place that's in good shape where I could leave a normal comfortable life or is normal is it possibly could be with illness, while many people out there are dreaming of mansions exotic cars and exotic vacations, I would settle for enough money to fix up the house again and make it comfortable so I could live out my last days without worry, I could fix the bathroom and have a working shower until again fix the walls replace the windows and doors put into window AC units to keep the house cool fix the kitchen and finally have working appliances like a refrigerator a stove and the washer and dryer and water heater right now that would be my biggest hope along with the course to be able to finally get help from Social Security but some days I feel the odds of me being able to achieve any of this as quickly slipping away, it was 90° today and I thought I was going to melt and that's only the beginning of the Texas summer heat I don't know if I'll survive 95 or 105 I haven't turned on the small window unit I have because it is dirty and doesn't work well ultimately I need a new window AC and a new location where the unit could work better in cooling the room. But I would need help with that along with money, right now I could use some basic everyday needs that I don't have right now, I'm just so exhausted over everything as usual today was a really bad day I'm in a lot more pain than usual and laying down in the dark and my feet my legs my back it's all killing me and I just want to be a peace and comfortable. I'm not sure what options I have left if any I'm out of energy.
Honestly I really don't think that I was ever actually important to anyone on any level, other than what I could do for them. Not having any means anymore, most likely means that I have no value whatsoever to anyone. I just got tired of pandering to everyone, even to this day I'm willing to apologize for things I didn't even do just to keep the peace, I know that's very wrong and the diminishes what little I have left of myself which is close to non-existent at this point. I only want to survive and live out the little time I have left in some type of safety and happiness, but I don't know if that's possible unless something near miraculous happens for me. Trying to get help and getting help for two very different things. To the everyday person the obstacles in my way are very minute, but for me they are colossal if you have no way to get anywhere and you have no money to do anything what accomplishment can you possibly make, the window for me to get help and slowly shrinking by the day if that window is even open anymore things are so far gone I can not tell.
I'm not sure what to say it's one of those nights, I think about the evil that I saw around 20 years ago people are now just waking up to seeing it after all this time. There are still people who refuse to believe that they're such horrible people out there but many of us know the truth now, I wonder if the country will ever have a period where everything was equalized again the scales or tip in favor of the evil so much that is shocking. The corrupt and Criminal and Evil get away with everything without any accountability and the innocent that have the courage to speak up are punished for bringing attention to wrongdoing. I wish I would have recognized bad people when I was very young but then what it make a difference? Now I understand why some people joke about living isolated and being away from people almost completely. Many people live there every day lives without even noticing the things around them, but then others attract the bad like a magnet even though they're not bad themselves I really don't have an explanation for this. I've always managed to attract the wrong people, they hurt me they're cruel to me and they take advantage, there is always a price to pay for their Association and frankly I'm exhausted and tired of it. Unless something changes for the better I will most likely just fade away and die and disappear like millions of others who weren't important to anyone.
I'm almost at a loss for words, by this time I have lived long enough to see a lot of horrible and cruel behavior from human beings and unfortunately I've experienced it first hand during my lifetime, just when I thought I had seen it all and not much shocked me about human behavior, a new wrinkle appears. I don't even know the exact words to describe it, what kind of level of Cruelty and Evil does it take for someone to deny someone else drinking water that ultimately cost a few cents a gallon? I've done my best during my lifetime to understand how people can be so evil, but this just defies explanation. I'm just too sick to know about anything anymore having known these people for almost 50 years, I've done my best to isolate myself from the cruelty and harm that others can do, but I guess I just haven't done a good enough job at that.
Last month was my birthday and it has been a year that I have not had any funds, any products that I may have had in reserve that I've been buying, it was something I learned as a child from my mother most of the time we were very poor and whenever something was on sale and she could afford it she would buy multiple items of that product such as shampoo or bar soap that way when we were broke and had no money to buy basic needs we already had them just in case, so I have been doing this myself since I was young because I learned that from my mother basic needs like shampoo deodorant toothpaste Etc I am now running out of, on top of all the repairs that I desperately need to make to have a functioning household and to have items for basic everyday needs, I am asking for your help if you are out there and you can donate I would really appreciate it anything helps, if it would make things better for me to provide a photo and or a receipt of the things I buy, I'm okay with that too I will do whatever I can, please help if you can my PayPal email is williamdecade1@yahoo.com , as always I wish each and every one of you the best, everyday things are becoming more unsafe please be careful and take care of yourself and most important be aware of your surroundings.
No really I'm not sure why I'm having trouble posting I go for these extended periods I'm thinking a lot and posting nothing and then now that I'm ready to post and it's one of the occasions that I can speak using the voice text my posts have failed several times but I will keep trying.
I'm not sure what's going on it's almost as if I'm being censored and my posts are being stopped because I'm asking for help?