Content warning for this blog

London mutuals what is there to do that’s cheap and not alcohol based?

bongs at croydon

there’s a bloke at clappham common who will suck your dick for £4.50 hell even play with your balls for an extra quid

I have 0 desire to meet you let alone give you money

£3.50?

Love this strip

pssssst hey. hey. free and expansive database of folk and fairy tales. you can thank me later

We’ve waited a year to reblog this. Happy Bread Anniversary!

Because it’s important to celebrate the little victories in life. 

IT’S BREAD DAY!

…Yay!

IT’S BREAD DAY AGAIN! (cc: @petermorwood )

Be gay do crimes (jaywalking)

Down the forgotten backroads

everyone make sure to set out cheese & crackers for neil tonight <3

you want what

Hey man sorry about your colleague. Yeah I heard he passed away. Don’t worry tho he’s with the sea now. Yeah the deep will totally take care of his bones.

The last time we were on a long flight, my wife and I invented a game we call "Little Guy."

You start a game of Little Guy by saying, "I'm gonna hand you a little guy." The little guy is some kind of baby animal you are imagining. "Oh," she might say in response, "Okay," and hold out her hands for it. I will then mime handing her the animal. This provides some clues as to the little guy's size, weight, and general ungainliness.

She then gets to ask questions about what kind of little guy this is, BUT NO QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS ACTUAL APPEARANCE OR SPECIES ARE ALLOWED. Qualitative questions, or questions about his behavior, are the only ones permitted. She can ask "Is he soft?" or "Does he seem nervous about being held?" or "If I put him in the bathtub, does he seem okay with that?" or "Would he like a lil grape?" or "Is he the sort of little fellow who would wear a vest in a children's book?" but not "Does he have fur," "Is he a reptile," "Is he from Asia," etc. Some questions are in a grey area so you have to follow your heart, but the point is not to identify the animal as fast as possible: the point is to guess the animal purely based on vibes + how he would act if he were in your living room right now.

And I'm not limited to yes or no answers! If she asks, "Would it feel appropriate to see this little guy in a propeller hat?" I can reply, "Oh no, he has a gravity to him. A bowler hat would be a more appropriate hat." Or if she asks, "Does this little guy have protagonist energy?" I can say something like, "he probably wouldn't be the main character in a children's cartoon. He'd probably be the main character's ditzy best friend who's always eating sandwiches, or something."

We're big Twenty Questions to kill time in a waiting room people, but Little Guy is more about the journey than the destination. It's got a different kind of sauce that's nice if "killing time" and "lowering anxiety" need to happen hand in hand.

One day I too will become a rusting piece of abandoned farm equipment laying in tall yellow grass

to survive on tumblr you must either; not go to the club, experience long term celibacy (wanted or unwanted) or be unemployed.

9desw8ghb2wq3

^ wisdom from my cat who just stepped across my keyboard while i was trying to make a post

^ the future face of cyber security

i was talking to my coworker and mentioned my gf offhand and he looks at me and goes "oh well that makes sense" and when i was like whatchu mean, he said "i hope this doesnt come out the wrong way but people of your nature tend to speak about different things than straight ppl"

"???wait what do i talk about?"

"you know. smart things."

"...are you saying straight people are stupider?"

"honestly? yeah"

and when i tell u i fucking screamed

YFJVJVYRUJTGJBJ

update for those of yall that care, but the aforementioned gf is now my wife, god bless