thinking about the time they sent me a seven year old autistic patient to investigate if he was suffering abuse because in every psychological test he kept drawing awful monsters

and I start the consultation already miserable as fuck and I give the kid some pen and paper so I can maybe communicate and see what's on his mind

and then I go WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND I KNOW THOSE MONSTERS

turns out the kid just had a special interest in Five Nights at Freddy's

I pointed at the monster and went "That's Freddy!" and I've never seen a kid that ecstatic in my life

the mom looked at me as if her son and I belonged at the same satanic cult and that's why I knew the names of the demons in his head

I wrote back to psychologist like "I'm not sure how to explain this but looking up five nights at freddys might bring you progress with this patient"

at some point the nurses realized the autistic children and I were like, Really Vibing

so they decided to highkey just appoint all of them to my day and it took me almost a month to realize that the fact that I kept arriving and finding that all of today’s appointments were autistic children was Not A Coincidence 

anyway this one time there was a kid who was really into christianity but it was like, specifically angels 

so I’m trying to start up a conversation with him and I ask what he’s reading and he goes “do you know what a nephilim is”

and like for one hellish second my soul is suckerpunched out of my body and thrown straight into supernatural-fanfic-on-wattpad hell, and then I reassume control of my flesh prison, ignoring the mental edits of Dean and Castiel making out, and go “Aren’t those the guys who are half human and half angel?”

and the kid was so fucking happy but the mom was staring at me like ‘why are you privy to this bit of occult jesus lore’

and my heathen lesbian of a self just looks at her and goes 

“i love bible”

Wholesome baby witch

Saw a commercial that said “without the letters A B and O there’d be no you”

It was about blood types

As someone versed in fanfic tagging, that’s not the first thing I thought of

This needs to go with the deli sign that asked, “how do you top your sub?”.

This is now officially a thread for things that make fanficcers stop and blink

Please add more

i don’t want to reblog this but i genuinely want to read more examples so

May I present:

This monstrosity

Every time I see the title of this TV show on the program guide I do a double-take

My humble contributions

My Twinkies Halloween edition

…

I’ve had this saved on my phone for like a year and I just …

Call out post for literally everyone I know and also me.

I will never be over needing to reset my password on my Prime account only to be granted my OTP.

My One True Password.

I died.

@dangerbooze @trustmeidontknowwhatimdoing @hawkeyedflame

@true-king-of-monsters

Advertising is cancelled.

Paper towels. This is on the packaging for paper towels.

Okay come on, some of these are on purpose.

plUMP SWEET AND BE-

Danny

Danny no

Danny yes

@dcroar

YES

Someone else on tumblr posted this picture but I saved it cause it accurately describes me

Are those the same popes he referenced as being in various layers of hell?

NO THEY ARE NOT

DANTE SHOWED THE INFERNO TO THE CURRENT POPES WHO SAW SOME OLD TERRIBLE POPES IN HELL AND THE NEW POPES SAID LOL FUCK THAT GUY

Any Catholic who has read the Divine Comedy can attest to the theological significance. The idea that it “has no theological basis” is a result of tumblrites trying to diminish its significance as mere “Christian fan-fiction.”

THE INFERNO IS BY DEFINITION FANFICTION IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE DEEPLY CULTURALLY SIGNIFICANT FANFICTION AND ONE MUST BE CAREFUL NOT TO IGNORE THE LONG AND PROUD TRADITION OF MAKING FUN OF CATHOLICS ON TUMBLR

Educate yourself.

i hope its macaroni art

Maybe there’s someone in this abandoned clown factory who can help us

this is what companies say every time they try to buy tumblr

"the leaf sheep sea slug is one of the only animals in the world that can perform photosynthesis. this process essentially makes them solar-powered slugs!"

Im confused

What a grand story

“weird” is just a setting on my dryer

whats it do?

makes the clothes wetter

That is weird

the fuck u want?

library book return dates

The bean jar

[My Chemical Romance voice]: When I was…. a young boy… my Father… had what he called the bean jar…

have i mentioned recently @allieinarden is the best

Since Gerard Way wrote The Umbrella Acedemy comics, I felt the most powerful need to commission this. It’s finally done. Thank you, @eamhhair

extremely large and incredibly huge

It’s big too

life sucks. i have no goth friends to dance under overpasses with

The world was no longer made up of countries, but instead territories owned by mega corporations. I lived in the Disney territory and all of the states were named after parks and towns were named after the theme park lands. Mickey Mouse was the king. Donald Duck was arrested for attempting assassination.

Comrade Donald