the lukewarm

Hello. How are you all doing? It's been a while since I was here... 3 years?

I'm here again mainly just because I'm bored, with a total quarantine and such. Yeah, my country is currently undergoing an almost total lockdown due to the second wave of the pandemic...

A lot of things have happened since I stopped surfing this website. Ngl I miss the jokes and shamelessly fancying old men so much, so maybe I'll pop up here again every now and then. Oh, and I'm still the same music snob as always

I'm surprised to see I'm still getting notes for my various GIFs, tho. Even my latest note is as recent as July 17th 2021. This is a kind of legacy I'll never leave irl I guess lol

Last time I was here, I was such a wreck... with me being in love with one of my mutuals here and I got so toxic and she had to cut me off for good, etc. I still haven't heard from her until now, but it's ok. Her name no longer aches

Well, overall... I'm so much better now (apart from the pandemic situation in my hellhole country). I'm still in my old and first job, and I still dislike it occasionally, but everything becomes so much better since I fell in love with my coworker lmao. It's another unreciprocated love per usual, but loving him really has strengthened me. Long story short I've been feeling "more alive" and overall my brain is wired to a better state thanks to him

That's it I guess. Hope you're all doing fine. x

Wanna stop by this hellhole shit to announce the fucking funniest thing: I got blocked by Midge I don't love him as much as I used to so I'm sure I won't mind this in a long term. It's just incredible how things turned out this way wow

3 years of friendship, 1 year of unrequited love... all turned to dust

My friends have been trying hard to convince me that she's the one who doesn't deserve me. I wish I could believe that, but I keep getting haunted by the thought that it wouldn't end this way if I wasn't such a horrible person. I let my obsessive love for her took me over, and it repeatedly made me did unforgivable things. MAYBE she's also not a good person, right, but so am I. That's why I think she's all I deserve; a difficult and painful love is all I deserve

I thought I already got over her. We hadn't spoken for 2 months. Everything went well until my IDIOT brain made me saw her in my dream. It was frustrating because I immediately missed her a lot right after I woke up. Day after day I fought the temptation to reach out to her again, while at the same time, I also held on to the speck of hope that we may talk again

I felt stuck. Us merely muting each other instead of unfollowing each other gave the impression that maybe the silence was temporary. I had to gain resolution. And the answer she gave was to extend the silence until the end of time. At least I wasn't stuck in uncertainty anymore. But man... getting dumped hurts like shit