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Aww, the world has enough heroes!

@atlaxlinguist-archive / atlaxlinguist-archive.tumblr.com

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Ask Meme - F·R·I·E·N·D·S version #3

"You are such a good friend and this is...so weird."
"Honey, might I suggest watching a little more ESPN and a little less E?"
"What if we live together and you understand what I'm saying?"
"At least the people who spit on you are famous."
"Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?"
"Don't you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?"
"So shouldn't we give her the benefit of the doubt before we..go snooping around her crotch?"
"I think it'd be better for my ego if we didn't stand right next to each other."
"So I was right. This is what it feels like to be right. ...It's oddly unsettling."
"No uterus, no opinion."
"I'm not great at the advice... can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"They were just giving those away at the store...in exchange for money."
"You're weird today."
"Before today I never thought of you two having sex at all... It was a simpler time."
"How about this? You could treat me like I'm an equal. Or, talk down to me like I'm a child."
"I'll tell you what. For the rest of our lives, I'll be careful. Until told otherwise."
"I am warm for your form."
"You're being weird. Do you want sex or did you do something bad?"
"Wow. You look...stop-eating hot. Which is like, the highest level of hotness."
"I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you... And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way."
"Because you know how competitive you get. And while I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying."
"Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?"
"If you know it through a wall, you know it too well."
"What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?"
"I've got this uncontrollable need to please people!"
"That fake British woman's a real bitch, but she sure can dance."
"I know. She may be the hottest girl I've ever hated."
"I'm curvy, and I like it!"
"Did I just 'if I were a guy'?"
"Boo us? Boo you!"
"You're right. By saying 'nice' I'm virtually licking her."
"Do you even know what a 'banana hammock' is?"
"You're like a...stealth heterosexual!"
"Yeah, you have homosexual hair."
"Oh you must stop 'shoop'ing."
"I'm not saying it was a good idea! I'm saying I snapped!"
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STRANGE SENTENCE STARTERS —— for the creative writer in you. Send these in and see what your partner comes up with as a scenario!
  • “How many times are you going to do that, exactly?”
  • “I had good intentions, I did it for a reason.”
  • “We’re done. I’m done. This ends right now. You’re a monster.”
  • “I trusted you!”
  • “Is that supposed to scare me?”
  • “Put the knife down.”
  • “You were right. As per usual.”
  • “Sometimes it’s hard to see the lines you’ve drawn until you’ve crossed them.”
  • “You’re surprised because you have a soft spot for hot blondes.”
  • “Why protect my reputation? I’m a dead man either way.”
  • “You think you know me, as others think they know you.”
  • “You can stay, but for no more than two nights.”
  • “Please don’t look in this drawer. Please.”
  • “I told you not to pick him up, he’s very sensitive.”
  • “Yes. I might have given you rabies. But in my defense, that’s ridiculous and I didn’t.”
  • “I’m sorry, my cell phone data coverage does not cover the bullshit zone you’re in.”
  • “I was prepared for anything, except for what ensued.”
  • “The story lingers on, but the version that is drawn is twisted,.”
  • “You think I’m kidding. But I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life.”
  • “How much would a stripper cost and why so much?”
  • “I’m going to buy you a drink. Next week. On Thursday. When I get paid. Can you swing this one?”
  • “There are two sides to every story.”
  • “When I was little, I used to be afraid of mummies. And now look at me. I love dead people!”
  • “What made me think that I could get away with such a plot?”
  • “Because nothing says heterosexuality like a gold sash.”
  • “Please don’t take it out on my boobs.”
  • “When it gets really windy I look like a bizarre combination of Marilyn Monroe and Cousin It.”
  • “I’ll never be a hero.”
  • “How much money do you have on you?”
  • “Please tell me that’s a raisin and not a tiny hamster shit you’re eating.”
  • “Life is a lot better when you put things on your head.”
  • “For someone who’s not very deep, I’m incredibly not shallow.”
  • “I need you to remind me what it feels like to love you.”
  • “I love you. What? No I don’t. Forget I said anything.”
  • “If we got married, would I have to take your last name? Or could we just make up a new one?”
  • “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
  • “I heard you say his/her name in your sleep last night. Want to explain or should I just leave?”
  • “I want to spend the night with you tonight. But I also want to sleep on your side. And without you on the bed. So technically I just want your bed.”
  • “Please don’t be proposing to me in an empty parking lot.”
  • “Stop saying you’re sorry, you stupid fucking broken record. It’s done.”
  • “I’m not jealous, I’m curious. About the things you were doing. With him/her. Without me.”
  • “Your mother’s looks could kill. Actually, are you sure they haven’t before?”
  • “If you’re breaking up with me tonight, can I at least eat first?”
  • “Stop sweating. It’s not attractive during sex, and it’s not attractive now.”
  • “Are you – are you checking me out? In the line for the confessional?”
  • “We have to go. I might have told your mom I’m pregnant. I don’t know why I said that. I’m not.”
  • “So what you’re saying it that you’re snorting sugar to get excited for sex.”
  • “My dog licks better than you do.”
  • “But through every stupid thing you do and say – and those are a lot, by the way – I love you.”
  • “I don’t care if you’re growing another head. I’ll talk to both of them. I love you.”
  • “And I’d take fifty years of not talking to you for just a day of doing so. I promise that’s a compliment.”
  • “I don’t want to hide this anymore. I’m not some dirty little secret, you American Reject.”
  • “This is a bit too dramatic for my taste, so can we skip it and have sex instead?”
  • “I don’t want you to think of me as your personal sex toy.”
  • “Thanks and all, but that makes me feel like a low-class escort, so.”
  • “A kiss in exchange for every nice thing you say about me. Deal?”
  • “Promise me you’re not like him/her. I need to hear it from your mouth. Promise me.”
  • “Look, I’ve had my heart broken before. I’m not ready to let you in just yet. Anywhere.”
  • “Don’t leave me here. Anywhere else, okay, but not here.”
  • “I wish I could say that was the worst sex I ever had, but I’ve had worse.”
  • “I just blew you. Could you look a little happier about it?”
  • “I’m attracted to shiny things, so if it looks like I’m staring at your chest, it’s because I am.”
  • “What is that!?”
  • “Oh my god, were you shot!?”
  • “Give me the gun. Now.”
  • “Hello? Anyone in there?”
FOR TEXTERS;
  • [text] This is upsetting.
  • [text] Hey, are you up? If you’re not, can you wake up? I need some help.
  • [text] She said that to you? Why?
  • [text] Please come back. I miss you.
  • [text] What are you good for if you’re not gonna bring me ice cream?
  • [text] Can you ignore that last text? It wasn’t meant for you. I’m sorry.
  • [text] …did you just send me a nude?
  • [text] I don’t know why I said that.
  • [text] Leave it to you to fuck the simplest of requests up.
  • [text] Do we have to go to their wedding? He’s only my first cousin.
  • [text] How much does ‘I love you’ mean to you?
  • [text] I am not stalking you. But you should do something about your bathroom, it’s gross.
  • [text] Please. I need this so badly.
  • [text] I trust you completely.
  • [text] I’m a genius. You’re a peasant. Everything makes sense again.
  • [text] Hey, buddy! Got like, five hundred bucks I can borrow? Times ten.
  • [text] She lost it. She completely lost it.
  • [text] Please? I love you.
  • [text] I think I’m gonna go to sleep now, but you keep thinking that.
  • [text] I can’t say this out loud. They might be listening.
  • [text] I never meant to hurt you.
  • [text] You’re cute.
  • [text] I just need you to understand how important you are to me.
  • [text] Fuck off.
  • [text] Okay. Guess we’ll leave it at that then.
  • [text] Why should I believe you?
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image

“I still don’t understand how these are supposed to make one see better.”

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                  ❛ and you're probably never going to or well                               never first hand at least. but i could always try                  explaining it again if you'd like me to. mainly you just have                to remember all the blurriness and distortion you're seeing             isn't what i see because i'm far-sighted. the glasses help me                to see like you do because of the lenses set in the frames. 

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Reba TV Show Starter Sentences

"Have I mentioned you're my favorite?"
"Is boot camp an option?"
"I am never having sex again!"
"Don't worry about the honeymoon; I packed plenty of condoms."
"I didn't think anyone was looking."
"The doctors can't explain it either."
"Their first word was not 'sausages'!"
"No fair, there's no one to the left of me!"
"I'm not afraid of big dogs...I'm afraid of little ones."
"We were supposed to grow old together!"
"You've ruined weather for me."
"So you're just gonna sit there and pretend you don't notice anything different?"
"We should hug."
"When _____ gets in here, say nothing."
"I'm starving. I'm always starving!"
"Every relationship that can be saved should be saved."
"I am a moron and a jerk; I am a merk!"
"You could have just said 'yes'!"
"I just won this house in a poker game!"
"If you keep tapping me you're gonna lose that arm."
"What do you think I'm gonna do? Get drunk, start dancing on the table, and rip my top off?"
"I'll go in the morning, but I'm not going without a hangover."
"I was once mistaken for a homeless person."
"I am NOT gonna let my best friend throw their life away like this!"
"And it was in that moment they realized that neither one of them needed a man."
"Of course ______ isn't your best friend. I am!"
"Don't you see what's happening here?! You're becoming _____, _____ is becoming me, and I'm becoming YOU!!"
"A teenager is a demon."
"Hitting people is my way of showing affection. Now how about a hug?"
"So, you want to have Thanksgiving here, and you want Cher?"
"I wear many hats."
"Awwww! I was dreaming about waffles!"
"Maybe next time I'll marry someone who's ex appreciates me!"
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shitty high school AUs tho
  • Cramming until 3 in the morning and having to sleep over at each others house AU
  • The classic Lab Partner AU
  • “I don’t like dressing out in front of people in the locker room can you cover me from now on” AU
  • “We’re the only ones in detention” AU
  • “I’m stuck in my locker and you’re the only one in the hall” AU
  • “None of my friends are good at math and I need a tutor but you are very intimidating” AU
  • “Someone wrote I’m cute in the bathroom stall and your notes match the handwriting” AU
  • “I twisted my ankle and you’re the only one here strong enough to carry me to the nurse’s office but we’re both really awkward” AU
  • “We were both left out when everyone was picking partners and now we always choose each other when we have classes together” AU
  • “I lent you my cool pencil months ago and you still use it” AU
  • “We were both skipping class at the same time in the bathroom but someone passed by and now were hiding in a cramped stall” AU
  • “I accidentally took your notebook thinking it was mine and you have really nice handwriting and cute doodles” AU
  • “You started sitting by me at lunch because I’m alone at my table but we never talk to each other” AU
  • “I was really hungry but had no money and you bought me lunch even though I don’t know you” AU
  • “You make two lunches every morning and give one of them to me every day” AU
  • “I found someones graduation ring and I’m trying to figure out whos it is” AU
  • “I left my phone number on the bathroom stall wall and you text me about your day and your frustrations for a month & it’s really nice and cute but I still don’t know who you are” AU
  • “Our friends grouped up for prom but we’re the only two without a date lets hang out” AU
  • “I fell asleep on your couch after a party but you didn’t complain and made breakfast for the both of us” AU
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