Love for a stranger

I am paralyzed – the way you turn and look through my eyes

I forget to breathe – the way you smile is suffocating me

Catch me in your arms – I am about to fall deeply in love

It is unhealthy – wanting you as you fade away easily

  How can you control my heartbeat

Why am I afraid to reach out – come closer to me

How come you make me believe the unreal

And love you when you’re not even here

So lost I need an anchor

I’m drowning in this love for a stranger

  I’m trapped in this maze – tried reading your heart but I can’t escape

It feels like you’re here  – but when I try to touch you disappear

Boy, stand still don’t move – I’m trying so hard, I only want you

Just give me a chance – this could be our fairy tale romance, yeah

  How can you control my heartbeat

Why am I afraid to reach out – come closer to me

How come you make me believe the unreal

And love you when you’re not even here

So lost I need an anchor

I’m drowning in this love for a stranger

  For this heartache there’s only one cure

Baby,  come and be my saviour

I’m holding tight on this anchor

‘cause I’m drowning in this love for a stranger

Where are you

I should clean up the fragments you left behind

But I don’t want to erase them

I need those memories to remind

Myself of the castles we’ve build around

Who would have thought you’d be the one

To crash everything down

Somehow I thought you cared enough

To keep both of us up high

  Where are you

When the night keeps me awake

And tortures me with the cold blanket, the empty

Room is filled with screams

They echo all the time

It’s you who has been crossing my mind

  Lately I’ve been unable to sleep

I keep wondering from dusk to dawn

If you maybe, just maybe

Think of me when you’re about to lay down

Who would have thought we’d end up like this

I  keep stumbling to get over you

I’m crawling in the darkest abyss

While you keep smiling like it never touched you

  Where are you

When the night keeps me awake

And tortures me with the cold blanket, the empty

Room is filled with screams

They echo all the time

It’s you who has been crossing my mind

  You’ve been here all the time

You never really left

It’s me who couldn’t find

A way out of this mess

I keep re-reading the chapter of us

It’s an never ending story ‘cause

You’re here all the time

You keep crossing every thought of mine

  Where are you

When the night keeps me awake

And tortures me with the cold blanket, the empty

Room is filled with screams

They echo all the time

It’s you who has been crossing my mind

Philip.

Where the fuck are you? I’ve been dreaming of you, I’ve been crying for you, I’ve been thinking of you every single day. I’m so angry. How could you do this to me? What I did was your fault somehow so don’t put all the blame on me. I would have done anything for you, you were one of my friends. You are one of the few people who know about my biggest fears and my greatest dreams. You’ve seen me cry so many times and you could always make me smile again. Why did you throw that away?  I was there for you when you needed someone to lean on, I was there to hold you when you felt lost or alone. I was there for you. I fucking was there and you’ve cutt me off.  I miss you. Why don’t you miss me? How can you go on like it never touched you? Did you actaully ever care? Fuck you, it’s unfair, I shouldn’t be feeling this quilty. You did way worse. Yet, I can’t help but miss you, you fucking dramaqueen. You’re such a jerk, however I would like to talk to you right now and laugh at all your stupid jokes. 

Why can’t you just come back and joke about how no one likes me and call me a little bitch? :/

I miss my friend. 

Panic Attack

Seven nights in a row

I’ve been seeing you in my sleep

My dear, I feel betrayed by my own dreams

My heart’s aching for you

Every part of my body

is calling out for you

My eyes long to see the sun again

My hands require to hold your hand

Where have you gone? It’s unfair –

this isn’t all my fault

I wish you; for what it is worth

  I’m so sorry

If it would make any difference

I’d cut out my heart 

with the knife that I left in your back

It kills to know you're hurt

I'm being consumed by this regret

It’s like having a constant panic attack

  I’m trying real hard to move on

But don’t you try to put this all on me

What I did was your fault somehow

You knew exactly how to bring me down

I could only pull the trigger

because you were holding the gun

Pointing at yourself

In a blink of an eye you were dead

  I’m so sorry…

…

It’s like having a constant panic attack

  I hope you’re missing me –

my voice and my eyes

Who are you talking to

now in the middle of the night?

I hope you think of me –

 just once in a while

Does she hold you closer

 than I did when it gets dark

Do you even care?

Did you ever care at all?

  I’m so sorry…

…

It’s like having a constant panic attack

new year

Seasons come, seasons go

that's how quickly times goes.

Now snow is falling and we all know:

New Year's knocking at the door.

I forgot to buy you a gift

instead I'll give you my best wish.

I wish you a year full of friendship - that should be enough.

'Cause no matter how much money you have - you can't buy people's love.

Forget the wishes, here's a piece of advice;

make sure you'll make it till next year - alive.

Don't be afraid to make your dreams come true

Don't let people tell you what to do

Forget about mistakes, let go of the regrets.

Don't think too long about yesterday

times slips by way too fast.

Last but not least, as your best friend, I am forced to tell:

there's a reason why you are not loved by men.

That's why I'm giving you this advice: 

Eat less chocolate and do some exercise!

Happy new year!