Snicker Doodle Cabbage Patch

Is Ryan Reynolds even real

Dude’s been trying to play Deadpool for 11 years, that kind of thing does stuff to a man

Not only was Alan Rickman a great actor and performer, he was also a mentor and a friend to those he worked with. In addition to Radcliffe and Watson’s tributes, Matthew Lewis and Emma Thompson’s messages will break your heart all over again.

*baby starts crying at 3am*

Wife [sleepily]: your turn

Me: ugh… fine

Me: *starts crying*

making your friend watch a horrible movie that you have already seen

possible career choices:

#wears the same outfit for 10 years but knows how to utilize his scarf to bring his eyes out (•́⌄•́๑)

Why aren’t we talking about Dylan sprouse have you SEEN his tweets?

GUYS SERIOUSLY 

G U Y S

we could have had a singing career.

Me: *Flirts with someone*

Them: *Flirts back*

Me: Oh shit, I never thought I would get this far. What am I supposed to do now?

Things I want to say at least once over the course of my life:

• “With all due respect, sir…”

• “Walk with me.”

• “What would you have me do?”

• “According to my calculations…”

• “He’s good, I’ll give him that.”

• “This ends now.”

• “Did you really expect me to…”

• “Did I just say that out loud?”

• “I have half a mind to…”

• “Sir, I think you might want to see this…”

• “You don’t have the guts.”

• “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

• “I’ve always wanted to say that.”

[to a room full of expectant people]  ”Gentlemen.”

“So, it comes down to this.”

I feel like a career as a sarcastic paramedic would suit you well as I’ve said eleven of those across my four year career span

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes

when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia

When Russia sends you nudes

This is like a shot of a woman running where the camera focuses on her cleavage. Except it’s a man, not a woman. And a pug, not boobs.

if it weren’t illegal i would eat cereal for every meal of the day

i have some wonderful news for you