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What the Living Do, Marie Howe

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cloudbeam

Written for her brother, John Howe, who died of complications of AIDS

full poem:

Johnny, the kitchen sink has been clogged for days, some utensil probably fell down there. And the Drano won’t work but smells dangerous, and the crusty dishes have piled up

waiting for the plumber I still haven’t called. This is the everyday we spoke of. It’s winter again: the sky’s a deep, headstrong blue, and the sunlight pours through

the open living-room windows because the heat’s on too high in here and I can’t turn it off. For weeks now, driving, or dropping a bag of groceries in the street, the bag breaking,

I’ve been thinking: This is what the living do. And yesterday, hurrying along those wobbly bricks in the Cambridge sidewalk, spilling my coffee down my wrist and sleeve,

I thought it again, and again later, when buying a hairbrush: This is it. Parking. Slamming the car door shut in the cold. What you called that yearning.

What you finally gave up. We want the spring to come and the winter to pass. We want whoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss—we want more and more and then more of it.

But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass, say, the window of the corner video store, and I’m gripped by a cherishing so deep

for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless: I am living. I remember you.

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flipchild

YOU CANNOT SELF-FLAGELLATE YOUR WAY INTO EXCELLENCE

SHOCKINGLY, SCORN AND PUNISHMENT MAKE FOR WEAK MOTIVATORS. PRACTICE IS A HABIT HARD TO FORM WHEN ERRING'S MET WITH BLOOD.

BEYOND ALL THAT, REMEMBER: YOU WILL NEED MORE THAN LITTLE TREATS IN ORDER TO SURVIVE. BUT YOU DO NEED THE TREATS

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Kissing God Goodbye: Poems 1991-1997; ‘Intifada Incantation: Poem #8 For b.b.L’ by June Jordan

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“Well, if identity is only a game, if it is only a procedure to have relations, social and sexual-pleasure relationships that create new friendships, it is useful. But if identity becomes the problem of sexual existence, and if people think that they have to ‘uncover’ their ‘own identity,’ and that their own identity has to become the law, the principle, the code of their existence; if the perennial question they ask is ‘Does this thing conform to my identity?’ then, I think, they will turn back to a kind of ethics very close to the old heterosexual virility. If we are asked to relate to the question of identity, it must be an identity to our unique selves. But the relationships we have to have with ourselves are not ones of identity, rather, they must be relationships of differentiation, of creation, of innovation. To be the same is really boring. We must not exclude identity if people find their pleasure through this identity, but we must not think of this identity as an ethical universal rule.”

— Michel Foucault, “Sex, Power, and the Politics of Identity” (1984)

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