Littlest Gator

When you mad stressed and back at 124 for the first time in years. Let's see if my depression gets me back at that 115 mark kids!

I was so excited to go back home to my apartment and now it feels like it's not my home. And my parents home felt like home but not quite and I'm left with that feeling I had when I moved out or I get during holidays. That feeling that tells me how real it is that home is a concept and not a place. And as an adult I will always be chasing this illusion that as a child was so clearly a cemented place. And it's what makes me constantly feel lost. This human hovering without a stead fast place of safety. And this is what happens after surgery. I realize what a ghost I am and how ghostly my life is. I want to die. I wish I hadn't woken up. I hope I bleed out in my sleep.