Adventures in babysitting: a saga

mpreg

since no one seems to be happy with lgbt, mogai, or any other acronym or umbrella term, i came up with a new one that i think is gonna cover all our bases:

mpreg = marginalized people of romantic, erotic and gender

this post came into my house and killed my family in front of me

BTW im giving up in life not in a suicidal way but more in a i don't care what happens next at all kind of way and im not going to strive for anything anymore

Putting powdered sugar on the post below

My GOD the twitter drama is exploding. As of today, here are a couple updates for anyone interested:

lmao

AAAAAALLLL THE TIIIIMEE

how do people get over things i have never gotten over anything in my entire life

If you're not on Twitter following the fake Twitter Blue accounts drama... I'd say i feel bad for you but I'm providing you with the best screenshots here so you don't have to feel left out

i be like “i’m fine” then shake my leg 138mph

Jeph Jacques decided to go out in a blaze of shitposts and in his honor I think it's only right to share these tweets with a wider audience

goodnight, sweet prince

There's a shadow over the baby department

I should not tread there but I do

And bring my twisted guts along

To gaze at someone else's future now

There's a row of minty green giraffes

And I think about my husband

Tall and strong and no one's father now

Or ever

There's no formula in the formula aisle

Because this is America

And I bring my twisted guts along

To hurry past before I cry

A pregnant lady beats me to it

And she sits down in the floor and sees me

Asks me why it's like this now

She's due in a month and she hopes that things will change

"How old is your little one?"

She has no clue that she has stabbed me in the chest with this

And I bring my twisted guts along

To throw up in the Walmart bathroom

Crying until I cannot breathe

A three month shelf life on the life I thought I'd have

And I hope she has a beautiful baby

So that's where they're getting all their designs

I do like the new designs but also it's incredibly fucking funny that they're holding the Tumblr Logo Redesign Contest on instagram

Could have at least notified tumblr users

Zoos don't let the animals design the signs for their own enclosures

They should

trying to explain what daylight savings time is but they just keep staring at me like I’m a fucking idiot who can’t read a clock. IM NOT WRONG YOU ARE.

hi

love how this whole “new people coming to tumblr now” situation has exactly the vibe of strange showing up in the saloon of an old western town and stepping on the creaking floorboard

”Listen up, Stranger. Since you already stumbled in here, there is a few things you should know. First of all, this is a lawless land. There is no algorithm, and there are no ways to control which posts get traction. They do, or they don’t. Second, we do not do well with influencers here. You can try, but you won’t last long. They never do. Third, no one trusts a stranger who hides behind a default icon and only watches from afar. We have dealt with those before, and it did cost us. If you want to gain trust, talk to and support your fellas, and they will eventually return the favour. Finally, we like real fights in here. This is not a place of where you get unalived. This is a place where you die.”

Tasks that take 15 min but 3 hours if you include the agonies