"Optimism is often unbearable; so is the fact of openness to life, which is inevitable but often feels forced, coerced, or uncomfortably constrained, even when we want whatever stands for "life." The optimism that sex tends to trigger is for an impossible state of things: the perfect rhythm of being in and out of control, of being open and closed in the right or bearable ways, achieving a smooth, unambivalent holding environment for our own and the world's incoherence... Think of the clumsy physicality sex induces, in the body, the voice, and the face; the confusions and resignations of knowledge even in a scene of delight; the small and large breakdowns of concentration and confidence all throughout any episode, and the work of quieting those down so things can proceed. Think of how unreadable the lover is, even when response is well-amplified. Think of the sometimes desperate, sometimes bitter, sometimes dejected, sometimes funny rage to stay in sync in the middle of all the internal and external noise, and of the aggressive desire that must be mobilized not just to stay in the zone while keeping the inconvenient other in it, too, but to maintain one's own openness to openness. ... What happens in sex, therefore, is not just a figure for the social at its best and worst extremes, but a training in how simply hard it is to be in the room with another person, even someone you want there: because it is hard to show up fully to sociality in general, and once there, to maintain an openness toward the objects about which one feels aggressive, has variable confidence, few skills, and little trust that the world will be patient for your self-inconstancy. It is toward building skills for recognizing, explaining, and finding temporary housing for the discomfort of these inconvenient genres of the intimate that this chapter is written." Lauren Berlant, "Sex in the Event of Happiness", On the Inconvenience of Other People
Remembering this brilliant, beautiful piece.
