Pretends To Be A Hardass To Avoid Feeling Anything

@sad-but-sweet

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theliteraryjournals
I lost all interest in my schoolwork, friends, reading, wandering or daydreaming. I had no idea what was happening to me, and I would wake up in the morning with a profound sense of dread that I was somehow going to have to make it through another entire day. I would sit for hour after hour in the undergraduate library, unable to muster enough energy to go to class. I would stare out the window, stare at my books, rearrange them, shuffled them around, leave them unopened, and think about dropping out of college. When I did go to class it was pointless. Pointless and painful. I understood very little of what was going on, and I felt as though only dying would release from the overwhelming sense of inadequacy and blackness that surrounded me. I felt utterly alone, and watching the animated conversations between my fellow students only made me feel more so.

Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness  (via theliteraryjournals)

Source: theliteraryjournals.com
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