Wait, what?

“You have been a joy to raise”

Three of Swords

Small kids will look up at you and with no prompting be like “umdidjyou no dat um one time my mommy and me um we um we we we went to da zoo and when I was there um last summer we went to da zoo and didjyou no what was dere? A koala I seen those on Wild Krats.”

Like wow you have no idea how conversation works but boy are you giving it your all - I will stand here and look mildly surprised the whole time and when you’re done I’ll say “really?” And you will nod and look so victorious.

we should all start sexulizing community colleges and adult education instead of letting tv shows get away with being horny about high schoolers

i genuinely did not remember how fucked up the plot of robots (2005) was like. rich robot capitalists stop manufacturing certain parts to cause poor robots to become obsolete so they can be melted down and their metal remains used to create more high end products in the name of profit like wow thats genuinely horrifying for a movie whos target audience was mainly 8 year olds

Lovely sentiment but the way it’s worded sounds like this dude got fucking killed during a little league game

It’s been 14 years and I still don’t know my neighbor’s name

may i offer you some Hamlet booty shorts in these trying times

These ten ducklings were found orphaned and they were brought to a pet duck called Stella who had just hatched nine of her own two weeks prior. She immediately claimed the ten as her own. 

via @thesassyducks​ instagram

(Source)

she released those babies like a ramen flavour packet

love how stella swims over like “oh shit i must’ve misplaced these ten whole babies!”

Love how the li’l ramen flavor packets swim over like ‘oh shit that must be mom, she’s mom-shaped’

The Duchess was saved

Cats are the fuckin stupidest animals.

tbh no april fools gag tumblr ever pulls will ever be as good as the lizard election of 2016 staff put more effort into that than the rest of this website combined and it shows

for those of you who werent here in 2016 on april fools that year the entire fucking website was transformed and there was an election for a position that wasnt even ever specified and the candidates were four lizards (or three lizards and a salamander as a scandal would later prove) and it was called decision2016

each lizard had their own 3d models and tumblr blog and campaign and there was also a tumblr blog dedicated to reporting on the election and they made like whole ass news broadcasts with a guy in front of a green screen

you could vote for your favorite candidate and there was a built-in function that let you make and post a campaign poster

in case anyone was wondering the winner of the election was mop. relatable and reliable. #Mop Could

lest we forget

Life imitating art.

a collection of my favorite tweets regarding the Ever Given in the Suez Canal