this is a very relatable meme but i cannot stress enough that if you haven’t watched the good place you’re going to be very surprised to learn what words are being replaced here

I’m sorry,

what.

"This is my weird son. He can't climb for shit, but he is handsome and strong."

#cats be like#is anybody adopt that#and don't wait for an answer

Everything that isn't food is a cat from the perspective of a cat. Cats can look upon the true form of eldritch monstrosities and keep their sanity. They'd just see another cat. A fucking weird-looking cat, but a cat nonetheless.

An always-reblog. 😄

Hold bb, look at bb, cherish bb

cowboys never die. they just ride off into the sunset

is that what your parents told you when you came back from school one day and your cowboy was missing

sorry i can't come in to work today. yeah sorry they killed me off last night. yeah i just wasn't relevant to the plot anymore. i should be in tomorrow but i'll let you know.

use more olive oil

I didn’t even notice the url I was just like damn they’re right.

My 11-year-old couldn't decide what flavor of ramen to make, so I told her to flip a coin. Heads for spicy chicken, tails for beef.

Taking my advice, she flipped a penny, and when it landed on tails she said "Wait! Wait! I did it wrong!"

I told her that she did it right, because the real reason for flipping a coin isn't to let fate decide for you, but because when the coin is in the air, you will suddenly realize what you wanted in the first place.

I'm sure there's a life lesson there somewhere…

But honestly, I have never known her to pass up spicy chicken.

Update: Yesterday, her brother asked her if she wanted a corn dog and she couldn't decide, so again I told her to flip a coin. She did so, and without even looking which way it landed, she snatched the penny up and said "I want a corn dog".

hedonism is good actually rich people just suck at it

i think not only do we have a moral obligation to preserve human life but also a moral obligation to maximize the pleasure of others and ourselves (provided it doesn’t hurt anyone)

people don’t just deserve to eat food, they deserve to eat good food that tastes good without worrying about nutritional content

people don’t just deserve clothes, they deserve nice clothes that are well made and fit their personal style

people don’t just deserve the bare minimum, they don’t just deserve to be alive, they deserve to live and have nice things for no other reason than making that particular person happy

it’s kinda fucked up that you’re only an age for a year. I didn’t know how to be 23 yet, let me try again

“ExcUSE me?!”

the thing i love about social animals is they necessarily have a concept of manners which means that you can be rude to them. not threatening, but rude. and they’ll be annoyed at you for it.

everyone remembers the reply but no one remembers the bombshell it was attached to

So that’s basically how it went down

I resent just how fucking accurate this shitpost is, congratulations OP, you effectively illustrated how Darwin’s Theory of Natural Selection became accepted by the wider public using a FUCKING MUPPETS MEME, here is your A+, get the hell out of my office

Coolest thing about lord of the rings? The king of horses shows up. It appears he is no different from all other horses

King of the eagles shows up later. He can talk. Horse king couldn't talk.

He didn't want to talk to you.

A STREAKER CUT THE ACTUAL CONTESTANT OFF AND BLEW THROUGH IT LIKE HE’S SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG WHAT THE FUCK

power move

aerodynamic

guy who didn’t realize this was his last day in the timeloop

I’m sorry this is a hilarious prank and dude is very impressive but I’m running away with “dude who doesn’t realize he’s in the last day of the time loop” and using it every time someone pulls some wild-ass shit like this.

he shlorp

He just obliterated those worms out of existence 

I’d murder for a succ this good

i never thought i’d have to say this but pls do not sexualize my eel