Little old Italian lady: Do you have zucchini?
Me: Yes, right here.
Lady: Is how much?
Me: $2.99 a pound.
Lady: It's usually $1.49.
Me: Yes, in the summer.
Lady, pauses, then grabs two: I put it in a soup.
Me: Oh nice, what kind are you making?
Lady: You will not fantasize about my soup.
And then she walked away. "You will not fantasize about my soup" will be in my head forever. I love you, little old Italian lady.
Unfortunately this is funny as hell
"alas" is a truly S tier english word. fantastic mouthfeel, makes me sound like a world-weary wizard, looks cool when written out. good job to whoever created this word.
guy sitting in front of me in class was vandalizing wikipedia and i kept reverting his edits as soon as he made them and he couldn't figure out why it was happening
absolutely
Fortnite, are you sure about this? Did you think it through?
this made me laugh so hard
wait! before you go, let me give you the Cowboy's Goodbye *kisses you passionately. with tongue.*
kind of hate my stupid caustic pussy for dissolving my underwear over time but it's kind of cool, like, scientifically
Pitcher Plant Pussy Lore
Official Pussy Post
reddit is having a glitch where it puts the wrong captions over photos and it’s the only thing i care about right now
nobody does it better than the stardew valley chicken
lets goooooo little dude you know exactly whats going on
how did 600 people find this
IT’S BEEN LESS THAN 40 MINUTES SINCE I SAID THAT
My boyfriend just woke up, mostly still asleep and told me “don’t worry, it’s getting better” in a heavy, American accent, which is unusual for an Australian man.
“Why are you American?” I asked, to which I got:
“Sorry, it’s getting better” in a stereotypical posh English accent.
“Why are you English?” I asked, amused.
“What is he normally?” He managed to ask.
“He? You’re not anyone else, you’re you.”
“Ugh, me” was the last thing he said, in a right proper Aussie accent before he fell back into proper sleep.
Bitch just thwarted a ghost possession by judging his accents
I think I’m going to think about this youtube comment forever
I was born at a very young age. I’ve been alive for as long as i can remember, and I hope to continue living until I die.
And what do you think you can bring to our company?
Gonna steal from it
