*received phone call from weed cigarette*

Weed cigarette: Please don't smoke me. I don't want to die

i bet crossing spears with someone to block entry into a location feels so fucking good

this stupid little beaver bitch

turn around and drive 581 miles in the opposite direction to see bucee. fuck you

you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.

This is actually a really good example of why internet of things is a security risk. The hackers couldn't have exploited the thermometer as an entry point if it didnt connect to the fucking internet to start with

[lmao @sweetenby​]

You're telling me an Ocean Eleven'd this casino?

Peace and love on planet earth

Not Karl..

I'm a cryptid in Stardew valley. I live on the outskirts of town. I disappear for days on end, purchasing daily one-way tickets to the calico desert. Nobody knows where I go while I'm there. Can occasionally be found fishing at random spots throughout town. I am never not running on at least one triple shot espresso. I take the abandoned minecarts to get around and am frequently seen disappearing into the sewers. I carry a sword for some reason. Once every week or two I will stride into your bedroom to deliver you your favorite meal. I'm a self-made millionaire. I attend all the town events and will go to your concert in the next town over. I have donated approximately 2583 items to the local museum and singlehandedly revitalized the town community center. There are rumors I can talk to junimos. I'm friends with the local wizard

Don't do this. You can get them killed.

(source)

i hope the transsexuals i see in public know i am looking at them with love & awe. im sorry the world is scary. im just like you