Really Gay for Space

you just got press crow'd. reblog to instantly press crow your friends

reblog if the first musical you listened to was not Hamilton

The most difficult part of hiding a sword, I imagine, would not be in the actual hiding, but in squashing down the phenomenal urge to tell absolutely everyone that you *HAVE* a SWORD

Me as a super cool secret agent: (leaning in to a stranger on the bus) hey I bet you can't guess how many awesome knives I have right now

(In my head) Don't tell them you're an assassin. Don't them you're an assassin. Killing people is bad. Don't tell anyone you're an assassin

(Out loud) Hey does anybody want to see a dead senator

ITS BEEN THREE YEARS AND I SWITCHED COMPANIES SO I CAN FINALLY TELL THIS STORY

Okay so I was site security, right? And I was assigned two splits in my regular shift, all at different locations (which was, essentially, working 12.5 hours a day and only getting paid for 8, which I do not recommend) and on TOP of that I was also swinging a part-time position, so I was usually on about 6 hours of sleep and zero brain function

And I'm in between one location and another (by bus, because I cannot drive) when I realize OH FUCK ITS MY BEST FRIENDS BACHELORETTE PARTY TOMORROW

By the time I get off work everything will be closed and there will be no time in the morning, so I getcoff my bus a couple stops early and figure hey, pawn shops have cool weird shit, right? Great place for a neat gift, right?

And I walk in with just my backpack and my umbrella and proceed to buy a sword

And THEN i realize that it is about fifteen minutes until I'm due to punch in, and I have no time to stop by my place, and I'm a UNIFORM SECURITY GUARD, and I'm not allowed a fucking POCKET KNIFE and I'm about to bring a goddamn SWORD into a government building

So I just kinda. Jam one end into my umbrella and tie it to my backpack.

And it works. Nobody looks twice.

But for a solid four and a half hour I was stuck on patrol with a building full of very nice people making casual and professional small talk while I'm internally white-knuckling the insane urge to tell every person who comes up to me that HEY GUESS WHAT I SNUCK A SWORD INTO WORK DO YOU WANNA SEE IT

I did manage to keep a lid on it and get out consequence-free and the bride-to-be seemed delighted so it all ended up fine anyways, but still

(The hole in physical security was managed later.)

I completely love that your best friend is the kind of person you buy a SWORD for, as a BACHELORETTE PARTY gift.

"Hey Doug, you're a nice guy and all, but if you ever hurt my girl Susie, just know that I've already armed her."

I actually gave the groom a set of throwing knives

Freelancing in technical theater means you’re on a lot of different email lists. People need a crew, they send out an email, you respond with your availability. Now, most people start these with things like “hey folks” or “hi everyone”. Neal is not most people.

His openers started off innocent enough.

Then, he started to push boundaries.

And as you can see, it has spiraled out of control since then.

Tag yourselves. I’m the anteater in a suit who thinks he can pass.

THEY JUST KEEP COMING

He’s even witty in real time.

same but different

It's me. I'm the distant aunt.

something about substances so strong they can only be cut by that same substance (like diamond) gets to me. the self-fulfilling prophecy of it. you can armor yourself against any and all outside threats, but you're still beholden to your own nature.

*walks over to my board titled "is the desire to self-destruct innate or a learned behaviour?" and places another tally mark in the 'innate' column*

wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart (for @rivalszine)

I remember seeing a clip of this years ago this ISNT a case of lazy translation he’s literally saying “speaks Japanese” IN Japanese

thinking about this message from me mam that she sent me back when i was in uni. it literally is just a pinprick in the tapestry of life!!

@onenicebugperday

"My deity has been spending much more time with me... He has given me food, water, shelter, things to chase and things to bite, a paradise to explore and be safe within... I sense my time is drawing near, and I am comforted by the presence of my deity. They sense my end is drawing near, and they show me how they, too, bite into their prey. Together, we share a holy meal of understanding, between my small self, and their colossal, incomprehensible, mostly unknowable existence.

"Perhaps we aren't all that different from the gods...and as my life draws to a close, I find that thought comforting.

It's stupid that bread goes bad so fast. Bread should last ten million years on your countertop. You should be able to feed yourself off the same loaf of bread from the day you are born to the day you die. They should pass down bread between generations like a family heirloom. There should be remnants of still-good bread after the heat death of the universe.

déjà vu boy

art ig: acepostale :)

oh to one day live in a world that doesn't hinge on the whims of the united states of fucking america.

once again why did we let masquerade balls and handwritten letters and heart lockets and daggers strapped to thighs go out of fashion