My favorite rejected New Yorker submission

This reminds me of one of my favourite YouTube sketches of all time

got so high I got scared and had to get out of the car to calm down and a coyote immediately sprinted out of the underbrush and stalked towards me

i was like ok im a little too high and immediately there were beasts.

Power Word Queer

i need misogyny to stop it's pissing me off so bad. everyone quit it for real

Born to be a girl who’s curious about everything forced to be a girl who’s scared of trying anything new

“why don’t you do it if you like it” because I’m scared “but why don’t you still try it out if you enjoy it” because I’m scared “but what if it gives you joy” I am scared

Prison guards: Iroh? Escape? Ha! That weak, senile old man couldn’t escape if we rolled a red carpet to the door!

Iroh alone in his cell:

I saw the video and thought "that guy looks like Jack Black", then I scrolled down to read that. Yup, sure was Jack Black. Also yes, the above is actually true, his mother Judith Love Cohen did indeed help create the abort-guidance system that rescued the Apollo 13 astronauts.

Wait does this mean people are unfamiliar with this iconic post

Horniness is not intrinsically less pure than any other human motivation

"He only made this art because he was horny!" ...Yeah, and? You only made a sandwich because you were hungry.

BEST QUEER MEDIA TOURNAMENT FINAL ROUND!!!!!

[ propaganda masterpost]

Hyenas are not fond of sharing meals. Photographed by Bobby-Jo Photography.

hush little baby dont you cry. mamas gonna buy you a big horse fly. and if that big horse fly dont fly. mamas gonna buy you another horse fly

[club mix] another horse fly. another horse fly

i dont think women should take their husbands name but i DO think married people should be legally required to have the same last name. otherwise people may have secret alliances theyre concealing from you.

In my college’s political science department there were multiple married couples who did not change their last names. The rule of thumb was always to watch your mouth whenever talking about one professor in front of another, because none of the students were ever sure which ones were married to each other