gooners never say cum. is that anything

*timer on the bomb continues counting down*

The most embarrassing thing In my life is whenever I see people and they ask what I’ve been up to . Literally nothing ever . Im like ohh you know this and that …. The usual ..

hello I am speaking to you from the future: this guy is awful at sex and will put you in the hospital. he owes you $500. you will have one orgasm the entire time you are with him and it will be followed by him scolding you to move your hand away from your clit because "it's distracting" and he can't cum unless he mimics the exact same level of numb pressure and total dissociation he has conditioned himself to masturbating with five times a day. every girl he has ever dated has tried to commit suicide. after you get away from him you will realize he looks exactly like Carl from Aqua Teen. instead of dating him you should turn your 100k word Sabrina fanfic into a breakout YA novel using find-and-replace and buy a decent vacuum cleaner

In this big world is there a place for someone as little as me?

the term "i love to boggy" will now be incapable of leaving my lexicon anytime soon

BLUE ORANGE GREEN GREEN YELLOW

You did it!

Thank you keemstar for providing the world with one of the funniest tweets of all time

"You should be at the club" Direct exposure to the club would kill me instantly

"You should be at bar trivia night" This I cannot deny

and if i said old woman yuri 🤨

yeah