i genuinely hope i fucking die today

i’m not even worth getting fucking jerked off to someone just kill me

also throwback to the time some random guy messaged me asking me to send him my socks bc my feet “are perfection in physical manifestation”. like damn horny strangers hype you up more than anyone else

i just got a tube top in the mail and im excited to wear it because my boobs are already stellar but like... the tube top is covered in stars and moons so now they’re gonna be out of this world

if you can like outdated memes on twitter or share dumb shit on facebook you can reply to the text i sent you. stop pretending like you like me for anything other than what you can get out of me and goooooo fuck yourself. 

i feel so used and i just want to disappear 

im dissociating but john mulaney would never treat me like this

the dark circles under my eyes have never been worse like i legitimately look like a monster. i haven’t slept properly in like two weeks bc everytime i close my eyes i either replay traumatic events, think about people dying, think about myself dying, or i think about all the possible reasons why everyone in my life hates me and is distancing themselves from me so like... that’s cool. 

before i try and sleep tho i’d be forever indebted to someone who A) gets me forget-me-nots (they’re my fave flower) B) buys me tickets to a pens game bc hockey is my shit and i want sidney crosby to slap a puck directly to my face or C) an S.O. got me an initial necklace like goddamn i’d like to think im not sappy but here i am being sappy as hell

also i want to go to a UFC fight night. i don’t watch nearly enough fights nor do i understand the rules and logistics aside from beating the fuck out of each other but i want to

i know nobody is listening nor does anybody care but it means the world when people think of me when we’re not together/not directly communicating

like even getting tagged/sent a fucking meme means so much bc it’s like “aw you like, think about me when you see stuff”. when someone says “oh i saw ___ and i thought of you” my brain is like “FUCK!!! you think about me what the hell i’m not just like... non-existent”. when certain people interact w my social media posts i get so happy bc im like goddamn you like me enough to publicly showcase that you support me like holy shit!!! don’t even get me started on gifts. i hate when people spend money on me but FUCK when people get me even like a candy bar bc they were thinking about me i get so happy that i’m even like worth $1.99.

ignore this i am very tired and my eyebags have doubled in size over the past week and i dont know what im saying

im at that point where since i evidently am unable to get professional help and nobody in my life enjoys talking to me anymore im just gonna bury myself in harvest moon until everything blurs together and im not myself anymore but HEY at least luke tells me he loves me