Hi. So i never thought I’d ever log into this thing again but hi I’m alive...! Larissa mentioned to me about a week or something ago that people had been asking what happened to me/expressing concern so I wanted to come on here and just say that I’m okay. I wasn’t before, which is why I left but I’m okay now. I deeply despise the person I was when this blog was active, I was very mentally ill, extremely insecure and addicted to multiple different substances. I was overwhelmed with a lot of very intense internalized racism and ableism on top of untreated C-PTSD that I wasn’t ready/willing/able to deconstruct and the only way to stop it from completely consuming me was doing coke to forget about it (and oh my fucking lord my header is literally ‘kalani the bitter cripple’ and this url is also... very bad and very gross and you can probably tell the kind of headspace I was in) The only thing I was capable of feeling was rage. I almost died on several occasions, my long-term relationship almost ended, I was unemployed for a while and I had to completely start over and the only thing I didn’t fully deactivate was this because there was a small part of me that wanted to see the stupid shit I would post on here by way of a coping mechanism? distraction? I don’t know.
But yeah. I’m okay now. Leah and I got married and moved cities. I’m completely sober and avoiding the internet for the most part. I’ve been considering remaking since the pandemic started because I’ve been so. goddamn. bored so if we were mutuals who talked often feel free to like this post so I can find you and follow you if that time ever comes. I lowkey kinda miss the Stacey Dillsen icon and my eyesore of a theme.
hopefully we’ll talk soon.
<3 K
