the stupid fruit youll be seeing in hell

LET me on the bed i promise i wont lay on top of you and squish u under my big dog weight please ple please please let me up i promise i'll lay only on a fair amount of bed for me and not take up all the space :3 please pleas (lying)

Why do you live with the wolf from The Thing

the next big thing in plastic surgery trends will be making your head 20% bigger they'll call it cartoonization and say looking like a bratz doll heals your inner child who wanted to play with bratz dolls

Me listening to a bad song: This is so good

this notion that if you're an adult still on tumblr it's bc something is wrong doesn't sit right with me... unfortunately I can't refute it bc there is something wrong with me

I cannot BELIEVE you guys actually signing up to netflix just because account sharing was banned. You need to learn about cool websites with many beautiful women who would love you message you and send you downloadable files.

also, its sister tweet:

just saw this on the website of a company that manages carousels in malls

and that sure feels like the very edge of some Big Unseen Discourse

performing gender surgery on a carousel by reversing yhe motor

#nice dichotomy what lies outside of it (Ferris wheels)

bitches im my inbox are like. "im ovulating." okay!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm eating roast beast. Enjoy your eavening

x

Fish-rice integration is exciting. You harvest both fishes and rice on the same land. Do you like it?

boss texted me "i appreciate you staying out of the drama in the office"

i literally have no idea what she's talking about

Then you’re doing a fantastic job at it.

love that period in the late 2000s and early 10s when being able to competently use google was considered arcane nerd knowledge

This vanished not because everyone learned how to use google competently, but because google degraded so badly using it competently is no longer possible.

theyrye putting chemicals in your food that make you moan like a girl btw

They're called garlic and onions