Dorian Pavus for the palette color challenge (85). Anon ask.

Saying “I’m back on my bullshit” is funnier when you cycle through hyperfixations at random intervals because no one knows what bullshit you’re talking about unless you’ve made it obvious before or while saying it.

To be back on your bullshit you need to be off your bullshit ever. But I’m over here jumping from bullshit to bullshit like I’m playing some kind of platforming game. The only times I’m not on my bullshit are when I’ve fallen off the platforms and can’t get out of the lava to get back on my bullshit.

Our Favorites: [Day 23/24] Elise’s Favorite Scene Overall (Lord of the Rings) ↳ A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day.

Modern Male Witch Project: Masterpost

A personal project that has become very important to me: male witches in their private dens, with their belongings surrounding them that show what kind of person they are and what kind of magic they practice. I try to make every single piece emit peace and comfort, but with a magical twist!

Separate pieces

Bedroom witch | Bathroom witch | Kitchen witch | Home Office witch | Attic witch

Buy prints on Redbubble and Society6

Buy me a Coffee!

comic covers appreciation post

Oscar Isaac & Pedro Pascal | WIRED

Stop saying Obi-Wan is a "dad" character– in the prequels he's a gay humanities professor that is chill enough to go for drinks with students and in the original trilogy he's your weird old uncle that keeps trying to get a weed prescription for "pain". There are no father figures in star wars because every character is neurotic.

therapist: the semihemidemisemiquaver isn’t real, it can’t hurt you

the semihemidemisemiquaver:

Can someone who speaks sheet music translate for me?

fast

Richard Armitage comes out as gay and confirms he’s in a “good” relationship, 6 January 2020

Beauty pageant website Missosology posted a bunch of the contestants of Mister Global 2019 in their official national costume portraits. Several of them are very 👀👀🔥

And then there is this guy 🤣:

All of these guys can GET IT, but especially Panama 😍😍

You’re missing a lot.

Oh god oh my god

We all gonna sleep on the fact that Puss joining up with Shrek and Donkey is the same storyline as Zevran the warden and Alistair

blocked

You can’t block the truth

I hate to tell you this but Morrigan is a person most people fear and is kicked out of her swamp home to accompany a chattering guy who makes lots of jokes and gets on her nerves and on their jouney they encounter a charming Spanish-accented assassin who joins them and a redheaded woman with a lovely voice with a hidden side to her and an ability to kick butt. Dragon Age Origins is Shrek with your OC Warden along for the ride.

STOP THIS

#morrigan is just hot shrek that’s facts

Relatable

Yes. Reading excessively as a child for a lot of us was a form of escapism. But part of the reason so many of us struggle to read now is because we based our entire taste in reading on what helped us escape, but as we get older and our needs changed, a lot of us never adapted our reading tastes. So we keep trying to read YA fiction and it just doesn’t hit the way it used to and we assume it’s because we can’t read like we used to, but the reality is that we need a new genre of liturature to suit our new life experiences and mature taste.

I feel very seen right now.

Wtf

— Warlock, probably

@meowl00 @personification-of-anxiety @gayvetforlife

Warlock becomes a stand up comedian when he grows up. He becomes the John Mulaney of his time. This is his equivalent of “one black coffee”.

I can totally envision Warlock’s version of the duck story!

One day when I was ten, the gardener comes into the house soaking wet and says, in that voice one usually reserves for toddlers or small animals, “Ah! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!” And then Nanny yelled, “Ooh, ducklings!” To which the gardener replied, “Too old to be a duckling. Quack, quack.” And then walked into the kitchen. I think about that every goddamn day.

I can’t believe I never saw this until now. Headcanon accepted. This is beyond hilarious. Also….

I can’t believe this one was hidden in the replies.

“I love my family, or at the very least people would assume so. People would think that growing up as a politician’s son would be easy, and they are right. I got everything that I ever asked for, spending money the only way Rick People could spend money.

“Dad! I want a Pony” Boom, Pony is at my feet

“Dad! I wanted it black” Boom. Done. Pony now looks like it crawled out of the Black Lagoon.

“Dad! The Pony glared at me!” I get a bottle of glue the next day. I was living the Rickie Rich lifestyle. I can have anything I want.

But the best part of growing up rich, the absolute best part, was that we were able to afford our own nanny.

I love her so much but am goddamn terrified of her to this day. I am a 28 year old man and I live in my own bodyweight of fear towards her.

When I was 1 to when I was 11, we had a nanny in our house. Her name is Nanny. If you call her anything else you will die. Somedays I think that my parents made a Rumpelstiltskin Deal with her before I was born, where instead of taking baby me she just moved in to our house to raid our fridge and judge the world from lofty windows. This is just the first part of the mystery of my nanny.  

She dresses like she is preparing to go to a funeral. And the difference between preparing to go and actually going is that they hadn’t found the body yet. You know when friends say that they would kill someone for you? Nanny would gut a cat if I wanted to play the violin that’s how hardcore she was. She wore red sunglasses because her glare alone could turn anyone to stone. If you squint hard enough you can actually see lasers coming out of her eyes.

Now you need to remember, I lived with this woman for Ten Years. Since I was a baby. This shit was normalized to me. While my parents were in West Wing I was living in the Addams Family. Nanny loved me and raised me and so what if she told me that I was going to lead Satan’s Army someday. That’s just Nanny. But throughout all of this, I never truly understand how terrifying she could be until I was 8 years old.

Picture this: a little 8 year old me, plump and trimmed with baby fat, standing next to Mary Poppin’s evil twin. One day we were going out for brunch so I can, and I’m quoting here “practice giving out orders when the army of hell arrives”

I’m still waiting for them, just to let you know.

So we get inside Nanny’s car, an old Black 1933 Bently which plays nothing but Queen music on cassettes.

I know this sounds fake, but she is a real person and not some Baba Yaga who decided not to eat me.

As we were about to leave, Brother Francis ran out to us. Francis was out gardener. He worked for us for as long as Nanny has, wears suspenders and a sun hat, and I’m pretty sure he ran away from a monastery. He walks up to Nanny and asks for a ride to the local gardening store for supplies. So he gets in the front seat, I’m in the back, and all three of us get on our way.

At 1000 miles per hour in a 55 zone.

Now I’m 8 years old. And no matter how cool your Nanny is, you just don’t pay attention to boring adult stuff like meetings, or finances, or traffic safety laws. So I’m lost in my own thoughts on how to direct my hell army to build myself a waterpark.

I don’t know how long I zoned out because when I snapped back in Nanny and Francis were arguing. Not in the pleasant passive aggressive way that makes you rethink your life choices, but full on yelling. So we are speeding down the road like death is chasing us. Bohemian Rhapsody is playing on blast. Nanny and Francis screaming at each other. Sulfur filled the air, radiant light pulsed menacing around us. Exactly how I imagined what parents fighting would be like. Things came to a head right as Freddy was about to hit his last “For Me!” because that was when this meek looking gardener snapped. Francis turns to Nanny and screams “YOU’RE DRIVING TOO FAST!” yanks the cassette out and pitches it out the window.

And then time stood still.

Have you ever been on a rollercoaster where at the top of the first hill staring down you regret every decision you’ve ever made that led you to this point? That was where we were all at.

Because there were three rules to Nanny’s Bently. Nanny always drives. Nanny always drives fast. And Nanny always drives fast with Freddy Mercury blaring down like her own personal angel.

This is all new uncharted territory for me. I’ve never seen anyone even dare disrespect her angel and plan to live to tell the tale. I was just watching in fascinated horror as this moment just searing into my mind.

Nanny’s looking directly at Francis, you can feel her eye’s heat laser’s charging up. I was trying to think of reasons to tell my parents why we don’t have a gardener anymore. Because even at 8 years old I know a death marker when I’ve seen one and by the end of the trip I was expecting Francis to be nothing but a smoldering piled of ash and a $15 hat.

She looks at him, and takes one hand off the wheel. Still barreling down the road like a madman mind you. But it alright because time’s frozen so we don’t hit anything. And with one hand, she reaches in front of him to the glove compartment, gently pulls out another cassette tape, and places it in the deck.

[pauses]

[sings] “FOR ME!!!!!”

We pull into the parking lot by the time Bohemian Rhapsody ends and I have never looked at Nanny the same way ever again. Because anyone who can play the exact same song on two different cassettes without missing a beat is their own god and needs to be feared.”

-Warlock in his comedy special

OH MY GOD I’M CACKLING

That’s it. The “Warlock grows up to be John Mulaney” AU is the only AU I’m here for.

finally some good fucking news

at last it’s happening lesbians

brought a kiss to the knife fight

enemies to lovers speed edition