Remember when I used to think Isayama's writing was brilliant and used to defend it? That hasn't been the case for quite a while now.

This last january I spent around a week in Santiago (went there for SMTown) and I thought it was a lovely city. During my visit, I went to the museum of human rights, and sadly I couldn't check everything I wanted, cause I had a terrible wound that wouldn't let me walk much, but I was very impressed by what I was able to see.

Okay, so, I've seen some things about what's going on in Chile and it frustrates me so much that I can't do anything about it, or that the government is killing and torturing people there.

In the museum, there are lots of records, documentaries, testemonies, all kinds of stuff about the dictatorship in Chile and how brutal it was. It made me think of how aware the people are about their history, and it made me happy. I don't see the same awareness here in Brazil, though we also had a dictatorship around the same time, and which was also very violent.

Well, now I see that people are fighting back, so the past is not repeated. I really wish the people win against the government, that justice is made, though the prospectives are very grim, considering how the government is surpressing people with so much violence. Also, the media here in Brazil reports things as if the people protesting are only breaking stuff and spreading the violence, and the military is not to blame. Ridiculous.

I also wish brazilians wake up. We, too, have an awful government (look up our president, he's the worst thing that could've happened, like a low budget wannabe Trump, who worships the dictatorship we had) and they also want to leave the poor even poorer. These are dark times, people.

To people in Chile: be safe, be strong. Fuerza Chile!

To end this post, I'll leave a picture I took at the museum I mentioned, I think this message is very fitting

Translation: We cannot change our past. We can only learn from what has happened. This is our responsibility and our challenge.

A story about ghosting

I was never really good at making friends. When I got into high school, I made a friend, and it felt so good to finally have someone who was there. In our second year, we got put into different groups, so I told her I feared she would drop me, and she told me it was nonsense, she wouldn't drop me just because we were in different classes. Fastforward to when we got to college, she sent me a text saying "I shouldn't rely on her as much, that I should get other friends". It hurt a lot. She was getting new, cooler friends in college (we studied in the same institution) and I was becoming past. Okay. But it didn't break our friendship. It became a little more distant, but we remained as good friends, and I foolishly tried to hang onto her, though I didn't rely on her as much, just like she told me to. As years went by, our friendship started to become one where we meet 2-3 times a year, even though we live close to each other, and talk sometimes through text, but nothing deep. I thought I could still consider her one of my best friends, but I started realizing she doesn't make any effort to stay my friend. I say "hey, let's meet, I miss you", and she says the same, and I say "I'm free whenever you are", and no replies. Well, the last straw was this week. My birthday was on monday, and I invited her to come over and eat some cake with me. She said she was free, so I was expecting her to come. Come monday, she didn't show up. I sent a message asking if she would come, no reply. I didn't push further, I thought it was best not to. It hurt me that she didn't bother to come up with some excuse, or that she didn't even sent me a happy birthday message. That was the least she could've done. So, today is thursday, and I'm scrolling through my instagram and I see people's stories preview. There it is, a story she posted wishing her great friend a happy birthday. No, it wasn't about me, since it's been days since my birthday. What hurts is that once I considered her to be my best friend, that I thought we were close. And maybe one day we were, but I guess I just wasn't good enough for her to want to keep me around.

I kinda did ghosting myself when I left tumblr. And, I have to admit, sometimes it's easier to just go missing when you don't know how to deal with the situation. And we do it for different reasons. When I ghosted, it was because I didn't know how to deal with myself, I just felt like I wasn't worth of anything. I know it's no excuse, but that was my reason. My "friend", though... I don't know the reason. I think I have a clue, but I might be wrong, who knows. My clue is that we are just not compatible anymore. I tried making an effort to keep her around, despite everything. She made efforts too, I know she did. But somehow, it doesn't seem to be something she wants to do anymore.

I used to think everything was my fault. That I wasn't reaching out enough, but when it's always me who tries to initiate the conversation and there's little to no reply, I guess it's time to move on. It hurts, but it will pass, I guess.

I'm not (really) back

Well, it's been a loooong time since I posted here. And, well, it is true that I left tumblr for a good while, but I've been lurking as of recently. When I stopped coming here, and talking to the people I met here, it was kinda because I was feeling overwhelmed and wanted to be alone. I was in my last semester of college, way too busy, and now it's been 2 years since I graduated. Well, after that, I started working and I was stressed af. That made my anxiety issues turn into depression as well, and I still haven't recovered. It's not like I'm at my worst, but more like feeling guilty and there's this troubling sense of apathy that makes me feel dead. At the same time, the anxiety is still here, and I want to do things so bad, but the apathy doesn't let me, and I'm stuck. Well, I didn't really come here to say such negative things, just to say that I miss what I used to have here on tumblr, though I know things won't be as they used to. Just to update, if anyone cares at all, on how I'm doing, and that, no, I didn't die or anything. Well, hope you're doing alright. I might post from time to time. Until then, be well.

So, today I was using my phone near a colleague, and he saw my Eremin fanart wallpaper. He was like “Oh, which anime is this?”. I answered. Then he was like “ah, snk, true! That’s Eren and... I don’t remember the friend’s name”. And I’m like “Armin”. “Amin?”, he said, so I repeated, and he repeated wrong. I had to say it one more time so he could understand the name.

One more thing to prove how underappreciated Armin is. Casual SNK fans will never see his importance. He’s the “cry baby” or “the friend”. Sigh.

I’m just waiting for my professor’s feedback right now, but I can finally say that my final paper, which will allow my graduation, is practically done!

I’m soon going to be a person with a college degree, licensed to be a teacher! I’m so happy!

I just wrote one of the most difficult things I’ve ever written, and it’s shitty. I feel drained and dumb and extremelly tired and regretful, but I really can’t do anything about it right now.

Chapter 50 Eremin Meta/ Theory/Headcanon

So, first, I’ve got to say that I’m really, really, really busy. I’ve got a graduation thesis to finish until next week, so I really can’t do much over here. Btw, I’m so glad Eremin Month and Ex0’s comeback will be after I’m done with that damn thesis, but anyway, let’s get to the topic.

First, I’ve got to say that I didn’t watch the last three or four episodes of Season 2 (I really don’t remember where I stopped, that’s how crazy I am over everything I have to do). In any case, I knew that the chapter 50 episode would come out one of these weeks, and I checked the Eremin tag because, well, I wanted a sneak-peak of how bad it would be. Well, from what I’ve seen, it was bad indeed.

So, I grabbed my volume 12 and went to look again at the scene, just to soothe myself a little (or to scream over how baffling this whole thing is, whichever you prefer), and I noticed something.

Mika.sa starts talking and Ere.n looks at Armi.n, we all know it. But then, Mika.sa says the following:

Ere.n is looking at her, alright? Look how cute this Ere//Mika moment is. We can’t deny that it is touching, though I can’t look at it with shipper eyes. Anyway, then, in the next page, we have this:

I don’t think it’s too clear in this image, but in my printed version is it clear enough to me. I’ll point it out:

Mika.sa says she’s thankful for Eren being with her and she says “Thank you for teaching me how to live”, as you can see above. Then, Ere.n is looking at her, but in the last panel we have here, you can see that he tilts his body AND face towards Ar.min, while Mika.sa’s back is facing Ar.min, which means Ere,n isn’t looking at her. I’m not here to belittle Mika.sa’s and Ere;n’s relationship. What I wanted to say is: Ere.n hears what Mika.sa says and looks at Ar.min. My shipper goggles say it’s not coincidence. Let’s see why:

From what we’ve seen, Isa.yama has emphasized time and time again that it was Ar.min who has shown Ere.n a new perspective of life, and, from there, Ere.n has a goal in life, he’s not living meaninglessly. Ar.min was responsible for that, and it is explicitly said in the manga more than once. I’ll just throw here one of these moments, so people who don’t pay enough attention won’t say I’m delusional (and because I’m never tired of this scene):

So, what does this all mean? Well, after Mika.sa said that Ere.n taught her how to live, he looks at Ar.min. Coincidence? My shipper goggles say no. What I take from this is: Ere.n looks at Ar.min because, in his case, Ar.min is the one he’s thankful for teaching him how to live, and he doesn’t want to lose that. But this is just a theory to make me feel better about that damn anime, my headcanon. If anyone agrees, great; If not, it’s okay, but if you come to throw shit at me, well, I don’t have time to discuss, but if I had, I have an arsenal of receipts to throw at anyone who comes saying eremin isn’t all that.

Hope we can all overcome this and that Isa;yama proves us again, as he always does, how important they are to each other.

I want my college colleagues to all go fuck themselves. Damn it, I do all the work, I take the time to organize stuff, I explain things very cleary, give all the instructions and they simply don’t take the time to read the posts I make with everything practically done, they just have to fill in some blanks. It’s something that concerns them as well, and then they come with cheap excuses, when everything was there all along. I’m tired as hell, my mental health is not going well, and I keep trying to make everything better for everyone, while tiring myself in the process, for people to ignore me.

Go all to hell.

Okay, it’s been a while since I’ve posted here, but I need to let this out.

A few minutes ago, I started watching the new episode of SNK. As I’ve mentioned here before, I have many things against the anime, so I wasn’t expecting much. Anyway, I had to stop the episode 8 minutes through and I couldn’t continue watching because I had to vent here. What made me mad this time? This:

As you can see, the circled words clearly say “Wall Sina”, both romanized and in katakana. As someone who’s read the manga, and reread it as well, it baffles me. It makes me mad. You might say it’s a small detail, but it doesn’t make sense that they are in Wall Sina at that moment. See the manga:

This is a fan translation, but I made sure to check my Brazilian Portuguese official translation. I had to check because for a while I was startled and started questioning my three years of reading, thinking about and analyzing snk. Anyway, as you can see in the dialogues, they clearly state that they 1. are close to their hometowns, and 2. are in the southern districts of Wall Rose. ROSE!

It wouldn’t make sense at all if they were in Wall Sina. If they are close to their hometowns, there’s no way they could be in the richer Wall, since both come from poor backgrounds. Plus, the location they are in is an important information for further events (and people who read the manga know what I’m talking about).

But what makes it worse is: how could they notice the titans coming first than everybody else if they were in Sina? If they were in Sina, they would only hear about it before Titans could enter Sina, and their roles in the fight would be completely different. As we know, and has been stated previously in the episode, Wall Rose was supposedly breached, so in no way they could be in Sina, considering what happens next (or should, I haven’t watched the rest of the episode and, from all I know, I don’t know if they made another absurd change).

In any case, even if they correct the mistake further in the episode, it’s just absurd that they stated that they were in Wall Sina, when it doesn’t make sense at all to the plot. Like, for such a “wow” production, they should at least get that right. Ugh.

Now I’m back to the episode.