delinquents »

Nitori watches him carefully, cautiously. Then, when Rin extends his hand, he gently offers his own. He doesn’t entwine their fingers, however much he wants to, but just walks slowly with him to the edge of the pool. He’s still uncertain, but… if it’s just a slow swim, then maybe it will be easy.

Even if he isn’t sure of his future as a swimmer, he wants to show Rin that swimming—especially with him—isn’t something he’s given up on just yet. He’d balked when Rin had initially pushed him, unable to resist the yank of nerves and the inferiority that’s been gnawing at his chest all year, but the exercise ahead of him now is something he suggested himself. Not to mention it’s so simple, even a child could do it.

Releasing Rin’s hand, he sits down on the edge of the pool and slides his legs into the water. Then he pushes off the side with his hands and submerges himself, letting the water close all the way over his head before he stands, one hand on the edge of the pool for support.

"Like this?" he asks, looking up at him hopefully. It’s strange how the water almost feels foreign to him now, as if he doesn’t belong here the way Rin does. Maybe this has escalated more than he thought. "Are you sure it’s okay?"

The small, warm weight of his hand in his is a start, he thinks. His fingers squeeze around his hold just slightly before Nitori moves to slip into the water, leaving Rin to watch his head disappear under the surface before it bobs back up and those blue eyes are looking at him again. They're so earnest and hopeful that it swells something in his chest that tingles all the way down to his knees, but he's quick to wave aside his concern to make it seem like he hadn't been staring like that. Wouldn't want Nitori to think he's some kind of weirdo or something. "You worry too much."

Slowly he follows suit, sliding lazily feet-first into the water and letting his head submerge before he straightens up to look at him with a flick of his hair to keep it from dripping in his eyes. "It's not a big deal," he tells him, glancing aside to pretend to adjust one of the straps on his goggles. "Just swim with me. However you want. Relax, would you?"

He knows he's already been pushy enough tonight, but Nitori seeming so rigid about this just feels... wrong. He needs to learn to loosen up, especially when it's just the two of them. They're friends, aren't they? Well... aren't they? One of Rin's strong arms reaches to hook around Nitori's waist and try to ease him closer in the water as he kicks slowly to propell himself backwards, practically reclining back a little along the surface. "This... isn't so bad, huh?" His hold loosens to let him wriggle free if he'd prefer, but there's reluctance in his muscles. He might've forgotten how... warm he is when he's close like that - skin against skin. He might feel stupid for forgetting.

はつ

delinquents »

Nitori gazes back over his shoulder and there’s Rin, still swimming… but slower, now, just lazily gliding through the water as if he was born to be there. Even now his swimming looks beautiful, and Nitori can’t help but stare. He never can.

He still manages to avert his eyes when Rin approaches him, though; after all, it’s embarrassing that Rin went to all this effort and he didn’t even respond properly. He’d wanted to; every muscle in his body had prepared itself, then suddenly froze when it came time to commit. But Rin doesn’t sound angry with him, or even upset, so finally Nitori plucks up the nerve to look back at him over his shoulder, cheeks flushing.

"I’m sorry," he murmurs, eyes watering. "I—I wanted to, too. I don’t want to just leave it—Matsuoka-senpai, I—"

He realises his hands have clenched into fists at his sides, and forces them to relax again. “Sorry for… for spoiling it. If…”

No, no, he’s getting too giddy. He has to pause, suck in a breath and let it out slowly, and finally look back at the pool. “I-if it wasn’t a race… if we swam slowly, like you did just now… that might be okay. Can we try again?”

His gaze stays averted and nails still sheepishly rub the vertebrae up the back of his neck and into a damp fall of hair. Nitori probably thinks he's just doing this to clean away old guilt. Nitori probably thinks he's still a jerk with people problems and a blind thirst for victory, times, success. Nitori probably wants nothing else to do with him. Nothing personal, anyway.  Nitori's probably right.

Shoulders wilting, Rin barely hears the start of his objection. It's only when he chances a look to his face and sees him actually eyeing the pool that he listens properly. He... wants to try again? Oh. Oh, of course he does. Rin almost feels foolish for taking on such a fragile assumption.  Since when did his skin get so thin?  And since when did he worry so much about what Nitori thinks?  It doesn't matter.  Progress matters.  Rin can't help but perk up without realizing it.  "Oh. You... want to?"

He hesitates, holds his head up a little higher, and offers over a hand palm-up. "Slowly... is fine. Yeah." He may thrive in rushes of speed and thrills of adrenaline, but he can appreciate the slow things too. He's starting to realize that slow is... good. Especially when it comes to mending what might be broken.

He clears his throat softly when it has a little trouble finding itself in his throat. Stupid Nitori. Those big blue eyes are hardly making this fair when they have a way of sabotaging his resolve. "Forget the starting blocks. Just slide in with me." He steps to the edge, dipping a foot down so his toes can sink under the surface a stir a few ripples of his reflection. Unable to help himself, he flicks said foot in a small splash in the hopes of loosening Nitori up. "Go on."

delinquents »

He tries. He really does.

But then he sees Rin dive out of the corner of his eye and he knows it’s pointless. He’s just too fast and too much and too everything and Nitori suddenly doesn’t know why he ever tried to think he was worth his time. Then again, whatever had been going on with them this year didn’t exactly reinforce this idea. Both of them had been hormonal and stupid. Nitori had known that, but he’d wanted to do it anyway.

So, he sits down.

He watches Rin swim his length and sits down on the block with his knees tucked up and his head resting on his folded arms. He wants to—he wants to so much—but not like this. Swimming doesn’t help right now. The water just makes him feel even slower and stupider than usual. Of course, he doesn’t blame Rin for thinking a race will solve his problems… since for him it usually does.

He hears him lifting out of the water, and he gets off the block, sucking in his breath.

"Never mind," he says, facing the door. "I can’t. I’m sorry, Matsuoka-senpai, I can’t."

His arm lowers, hand empty.

And, for a minute, Rin just stares off at Nitori perched back on the block. It's as though his thoughts are slowly catching up with some kind of basic attempt at empathy that tells him this... isn't going to work. Of course not. It's not as though the water has always been the solution for him, either. Being vague and poetic isn't the answer here. Haru might preach the water's techniques as a magical "cure-all," but Rin's never been the type to put his confidence in anything less than cold, hard fact. It's almost insulting to expect Nitori to settle for blind faith like that. Why... had he, then? His heart sinks slow like a stone to think it over as he slumps against the edge of the pool. He doesn't know what he's doing. He really, really doesn't. He must look like such an ass, going on about hard work like it's something he can show him in just one night when they shouldn't even be out of the room at this hour. So, exhaling a slow breath through his nose, he lowers his goggles back on over his eyes so he can swim back to him.

It's not a loud, splashing front crawl or butterfly. Most of the return length is spent beneath the surface; quiet, sleek, a languid dolphin kick and soft breaths in between. He doesn't even say a word when he reaches the wall. And he manages to even pull himself out of the water and onto the deck in silence as Nitori stands from the block.

"...It's fine," he says after another minute. His skin prickles in little bumps with the chill of being without a towel, but he doesn't abandon Nitori's side to fetch it; only looking away as he scratches the back of his neck with one hand. "I-- Sorry for waking you up and dragging you out here. Head back to the room. Get some sleep." There's a pause, though, as he shifts his weight to try and hide a shiver up his shoulder when he mutters under his breath. "Did... want to swim with you, though. Another time, then."

delinquents »

His face starts to flush when Rin’s hand lingers on the back of his neck, and he determinedly keeps his head down so he won’t be able to see the redness flooding his cheeks. “I-I want to! I do. But…”

…How can he argue with that kind of conviction? Especially when it might be the first time he’s directed it at him. His cheeks flush and he straightens out of his stretch, going to hover just behind Rin’s starting block. But when Rin motions to the block beside him, he freezes again.

He can’t race Rin. There’s no way he’s anywhere near his level. It’d be like a cheetah racing a housecat, or a falcon racing a sparrow, or… or something like that. 

…But Rin wants him to get on the starting block. And Nitori wants to swim with him more than anything. So, nervously, he dons his own goggles, climbs up onto the block next to him and gives him a shaky smile.

"I want to," he repeats, quieter. "I really want to swim with you, Rin-senpai.”

He pulls down his goggles and steps up onto the block. The momentary linger of Nitori's nervous smile and the way his voice drops into something so quiet finds a way to squeeze the center of Rin's chest. He sounds so sincere; longing, yearning, hopeful. That squeeze twists a little tighter when he crouches into position. Toes curl over the edge of the block with his fingers, eyes pointed forward.

"So swim with me," he answers finally, stare still fixed ahead on the pool. "One spurt to the other end to get us started. Freestyle, no holding back. Go."

Without warning, he lunges forward and his body straightens into a sleek dive plunging smooth through the surface like a lance.  Everything is clean, strong movement and the rush of water in his ears.  When he surfaces from a few powerful kicks to start his stroke, his first breath is almost one of relief that opens his lungs rather than clenches them tight. He wonders if Nitori's doing his best to stick close. If he wants this as badly as he says he does, he'll be there. It doesn't matter where down the lane that happens to be.

It's only when his palm hits the wall that Rin checks back for him. One length isn't even enough to have him out of breath, but he's curious to see if the right encouragement pushes Nitori a little harder than usual.  He's an endurance swimmer, so his specialties aren't in sprints like these, but maybe he'll hit a spark of inspiration in the thrill of the chase.

Or maybe not. Rin realizes quietly that he may not understand Nitori as much as he'd like to think when he hasn't exactly gone out of his way to get to know him as well as he should at this point.  The thought shifts guilty in his head, but he's not intent on sulking tonight. Instead, he holds a hand up to offer a silent high-five for him when he reaches the wall.  

Finding the right words is still... a challenge, but high-fives and fist-bumps are much more articulate anyway.

ふりろぐ

delinquents »

"But my best time’s still the same as it was at the start of the year!" It had even gotten worse, for a while there. Still, what Rin’s saying is starting to make sense. He’d thought he was working hard by showing up for each practise and doing everything he was told, even when it was difficult, but now that Rin puts it this way he sees it’s not quite that simple. He’d come into each of those practises, after all, reminding himself he would never be as good as Rin, as good as Captain, as good as even the other first years on the team. In truth, he wasn’t putting his whole heart into it all. Not even half.

All his heart had gone into Rin’s training, and that hadn’t done much good for either of them. This next year would be different. Maybe.

He mimics Rin’s stretch, eyes on the floor. “I’m sorry for complaining. It’s just that—w-well, I want to do you proud, but I also want to be realistic. I’m probably not going to be on your college team, or even—or even your relay team.”

He has to say this sort of thing out loud, because otherwise he knows he’ll start wanting it too much. It’s probably part of the problem, he realises, sinking into a sitting position with his feet together for a butterfly stretch, and slowly leaning forward over his legs. “Do you really think it doesn’t matter if you’re working hard, Rin-senpai? Surely for some people it truly is just a waste of time.”

"You think I got where I am because my times were always consistent?"  It's something he throws over his shoulder in the huff of a wry laugh before he goes quiet.  He knows Nitori's a hard worker -- knows he has what it takes to be one, anyway. It all depends on where he can shift his focus for the upcoming year.  

Done with warm-ups, Rin stays squatting there to cast a look down on him where he's still mid-stretch. He might not be too typically sensitive, but he can hear the conflict knit into the hesitance of his friend's voice. He wants this, he wants it bad, but he's stuck holding himself back.  It reminds him of how hard it'd been to pull himself out of the pool back at regionals. The water had been so thick, so heavy; a smothering weight swallowing him whole rather than moving with him sleek and fluid and effortless in powerful momentum. He doesn't want Nitori to experience rock bottom like that. Especially not when he sees him slumped forward, slender shoulders exposed pale to the moonlight through the glass ceiling.

A hand rests on one of those shoulders, just a brushing touch of fingertips that seems strangely sheepish and soft for someone so sharp. "Look, if It's not something you want to work hard for, it's not something you should be doing in the first place. But if it is something you want..." His touch lingers, even cupping a squeeze at the base of his neck before it draws away and he straightens to stand. "...Then working for it will pay off. That's no waste."

He frowns a little and approaches the starting blocks as that same hand props on the jut of his hip.  He's never sure if he's any good at helping people, let alone encouraging them to fight tooth and nail for their dreams, but this is something he knows.  He can feel it in every muscle, every bone, every heartbeat.  He's living proof.

Rin nods to the block beside his, gesturing for him to take position. "You want to be on the relay team? Prove it. Commit to it. Extra practice, extra work-outs, pushing yourself to the limit." He says it with a sense of fire starting to smolder under cool confidence. His head tilts a little higher; his eyebrow even lifting slightly, playfully, as he pulls on his goggles and snaps the strap into his hair.  "Show me what you got before you tell yourself you're done. Jump in."

delinquents »

"I know we did. I want to come, I do, I just—” He feels his voice rising and quiets himself again, lifting his can up to his face in both hands as if to shush himself with it. He takes a small sip, almost as an afterthought, and lowers his hands again slowly. 

Rin seems to want to keep moving, and Nitori understands; after all, he was the one who’d wanted to move along before they attracted attention. He jogs briefly to catch up with him, falling into step beside him finally.

"Sorry," he repeats, softly. He wants to look up at him, to catch his eye and deliver his words right into his face, but all of a sudden it’s all but impossible. He swallows, keeping his eyes straight ahead. "I’m fine, really! I’m glad that you’re feeling better and… and thank you for saying you’d train with me. I really appreciate it."

Perhaps it’s just that he needs some time to get used to this new Rin. Even if he’d always known that he would be like this, underneath the thorns he’d wrapped himself in for those long few months, it’s still a surprise to look up and see him smiling—smiling openly, honestly. Rin must be still getting used to it himself, so he hasn’t wanted to trouble him. Only…

"Should you?" he asks abruptly, as they reach the door to the pool. "I’m nowhere near your level. Anyone can see that. What—what if you hold yourself back, swimming with me? Won’t that be bad for you?"

He brushes off his apology, deciding to disregard it entirely. Nitori's always too quick to take the blame and Rin doesn't want to humor the habit.  He's restless enough already, like it's an itch prickling down between his shoulder blades, urging him to the pool where things are quiet. Quiet and simple.

Fingers curl over the door handle only to slacken with Nitori's new question. This is where old routine finds itself at odds with new changes. The troubled Rin from before would've snapped something sharp and dismissive; would've been annoyed with the self-doubt that's nearly reminiscent of his own. But this new Rin -- the one who's found his way again after stumbling lost for much too long -- is trying to be more understanding. A part of him is still tempted to keep guarded and lash out; almost does. He manages to remain calmly quiet though, and exhales a slow sigh between his teeth to check himself.

"I'm not holding myself back. Not for you, not for anyone. That's not something you need to be worrying about." Not any more. He doesn't sound irritated, speaking carefully as though to make sure it all comes out right rather than in another disgruntled snarl.  There's even a thread of concern woven into how his voice softens next. "If you're serious about training, then you'll be fine. It's... not skill that's important."

He goes on to nudge the door open and slide his shoes off in the process. He's already shrugging his jacket aside somewhere just to be on the pool deck again. Nothing quite clears his mind like the cool wash of blue dancing on the walls and the distinct smell of chlorine.

"Hard work," he grunts as he starts with basic stretches to seem more occupied than awkward. A few vertebrae in his neck pop loudly. "It's hard work that puts you on a higher level.  You're not holding anyone back that way." (Especially not yourself.) "Er... I'll show you what I mean. If you want."

Offering Nitori some peace of mind isn't something he considers himself too talented in, but he can give it a try. It's the least he can do for everything he's put him through. And if there's one way he figures he can do it properly, it's through swimming. Emotions are difficult, complicated, vulnerable, exposing. Swimming is as much a part of him as the skin that flexes and the muscles that strain in the middle of a tingling inner-thigh stretch.  Safe, comforting, familiar, sensible, controlled.  He wouldn't mind sharing that reassurance with... a good friend who deserves it. (Deserves better. So, so much better.)

ooc; *muffled rintori noises in the distance*

So, hey! My partner (hohjirozame) and I are back. To be honest, we never left the fandom, just the RP community; but with season 2 underway and the two of us generally not having much to do with our lives, we decided to poke our heads back in here for one last hurrah.

Basically we are here to wrap up a couple of our existing threads with each other, answer some asks, etc., and then we’ll probably leave you alone again. We never had much in the way of a social circle here, and we don’t expect you to welcome us back with ~open arms~ but we figured we would update you on what’s been going on in our lives lately anyway. So, to recap:

So, while I can’t promise that we will be spending a great deal of time with you… it is kind of nice to be back. Feel free to send us asks and stuff; we’re going to be slow since this is just a casual thing for us now, but it’d be nice to catch up with some of our old buddies if they’re still around.

にとりん - Did Notice

凛愛自由形!!!!

I realized I hadn’t drawn this trashy shark boy yet so I fixed that.

Ask my muse questions about their relationship with another character.