summer is over

Being a little too cold: brrrr i’m a little too cold !!!

Being a little too warm: i am going to kill the next person who makes eye contact with me.

“If tumblr shut down what other social media would u use” you are literally asking a fish what it would do if all the water in the world dried and it had to live on land

it's my earnestly held belief that every human person holds within them an invisible timer that counts up from the last time they stuck their feet in a body of water and the higher that number gets the more sludge builds up in their brain and in their heart

i know i can't argue with reality here but it's devastatingly unromantic that blood transfusions only work if you have compatible blood types

sure i guess it's something that i can transfer my breath to their lungs via a kiss in an attempt to resuscitate or keep them alive but it lacks the visceral intimacy of sharing my blood in their veins you cannot convince me otherwise

now hold up keep talking actually

the thing about bringing merlin back is that you have to bring it back exactly the same i don't want them to fix the plotholes or the cgi or the costumes or the writing or the

sometimes you dont eat fruit for awhile and then you eat some fruit and you're like oh fuck its fruit

i gave the cashier at bath & body works my phone number yesterday for the reward program and she did this, exactly:

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

meanest person you've ever met: i'm so sick of being nice

#nicest person you've ever met*: i had a bad day now i'm an evil bloodsucking thundercunt [angrily presses button on microwave]

Moon. Fabric and thread. Stitched from a photo my brother took.

“your rent should be a third of your income” well wouldn’t that be nice. wouldn’t it. lower the rent pussy

Casual observation from someone old enough to remember: in the year 2000 financial advice was that rent should be no more than 1/4 of your income.

Until the mid 80s, the advice was that if you must rent instead of owning, then that 20% of your monthly income (oh yes, only 20%) should include all your utilities too.

After all, rent costs more than a mortgage, so it should offer more too.

The housing market is a fucking travesty.

Hmm what happened in the mid eighties....

We all love urban fantasy but we have to contend with the fact that if monsters were real, some of them would be normies. Your werewolf boyfriend posts on LinkedIn. The tentacled horror you've been thirsting after is a Disney adult.

You did it, you made unimaginable horror within man-made comprehension.

ok NOW we can all freak out marvel vfx workers voted to unionize

article here

Yeah you're right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.

A real 3-hit combo of tumblr posts rn

whys this a bulk reblog

3 for 1 deal