io katharsios
it was @candeladestructora ’s birthday so we started the bonfire with a celebration. the mystic tended the fire and held the space. we brought out the wine offerings, as well as a bluetooth speaker and s'more supplies, and danced around the hot blaze in flower crowns to batucada drums. I put out a cup to Dionysos, anointed with katharsios oil and filled with red wine, and then invoked him with help from @flamingkorybante . I brought him into me, but not to channel, just to carry.
when the logs burned lower and the energy shifted we began the ritual. the mystic did some kind of planes-shifting that I didn’t fully grasp while bb bruja and rocket called to the ancestors and descendents. I called specifically on the sprits of the land and the space, on the local manifestations of elements and on the animals, plants, mountains, and people of the storied area where we worked. we were ten in number, nine of us transgender.
rocket had pitched the idea of letters to our future selves (possibly conceived of in collaboration with me, I don’t recall for sure) in the context of getting to know not only our descendents but ourselves in the coming decades - to imagine futures where we as marginalized people have stayed alive, where we thrive and are happy and safe. the idea was to find those future selves and then (dramatically simplifying here) use touch, sexual or otherwise, to anchor and manifest them. folks at camp worked on their letters, but rather than joyful and imaginative, the mood was somber, anxious, dread-tinged.
when we formed our circle around the fire to read or improvise our letters, the reality was inappropriate for the celebratory and upbeat tone initially envisioned for the working. so, with Dionysos Katharsios in our midst, we instead engaged in a ritual of katharsis.
there is pain and suffering in every life, but there are kinds of pain and suffering peculiar to trans folks. delving into those as a group also means engaging with the generational trauma of our ancestral line, which brings additional difficulty to the work. there was a lot of introspection, a lot of telling of hard personal truths, a lot of facing of weaknesses and perceived shortcomings, and a lot of crying.
when everyone had shared I called specifically to the queer ancestors lost in the plague, those who should have been there to guide us and whose absence is acute as we in our late 20s through 40s step uncertainly into roles as elders. those troubled dead needed acknowledgement and mourning, and so we gave them. we breathed together, pulling fire energy into and through us to burn out the unnecessary and sending the dregs of our doubts back out into the earth. the ritual ended, and we put out the fire and cleaned up.
later in the evening, back in our rented former boy scout cabins, everyone sat around in a close group, somewhere between circle and pile, sharing snacks and alcohol and jokes, telling stories and laughing and being playful. after the cleansing, after the release, comes the lightening of sprits and enabling of forward movement. I retired earlier than most but the others buoyed one another on the gentle companionship that follows shared vulnerability until late into the wee hours of morning.
hail to the liberator, releaser of cares, breaker of chains. hail to the womanly one, he of flowers and dancing, the night-stalker. into the heat of the bonfire we follow you, Katharsios, to emerge burnt clean of decay and uncertainty. kindle us to be torches for our kindred, gift us with purification and clarity.
may freedom always guide our steps and may the hearth fires of the future light our way home.