I don’t deserve to be treated like this.

July sucks.

My pool got opened, but I couldn’t clear it save my life, something is likely wrong with the filter, I spent $800 in chemicals just for the pump to flip a breaker and now it’s a swamp.

Eric and I have had a couple of non serious fights but still have me some breakdowns

My dad was diagnosed with cancer

My brother was diagnosed with cancer

My other brothers mental health is in the trash because his life is also testing him

There was what I thought was a cicada in my chimney, turns out its bats!!!

Untitled- Chapter 1 & 2

A/N- I know I haven't been on here much but I got inspiration to maybe start writing my own book- I have some ideas so I wanted to post it to see what y'all thought, please feel free to critique me and give me some pointers you would like to see as a reader!!

Chapter One

I was freezing, the melted snow going straight through my snow pants from a long afternoon of sledding with my friends, I wanted to go home, but friends wanted to stay. It was still light out, the snow still fresh, but my face was raw with the icy wind blasting. We saw some more people coming to the hill to join in the sledding. I lived across the main road, shared a school and bus with a lot of these kids and most of them absolutely loathed me. Why? I have no idea, but I suspect rumors went around at some point. Kids liked to bully me. I wasn't the prettiest, I was a big tom boy who didn't like to wear anything girly or pink. Only t-shirts and jeans. I didn't know how to do my hair, and my mom insisted I had bangs, even though my middle part and cowlick pushed them to the sides and made me look silly. The Colvin's had strong genes, and I looked just like a female version of my brother, which may made the ladies love him, but the boys not like me.

Tyler was walking over with his huge red sled. I hated him, and he hated me. He was a year younger than me, but a lot of the more popular kids lived over here, and they all talked, or were siblings of the popular kids that were my brothers friends. Over to my left was my brothers best friend's house, Jackson, and he was walking over with his brother Julian. He didn't know it, but I had a huge crush on Jackson. He's three years older than me, the same age as my brother, but my brain didn't care. Like I said, boys didn't like me, and I wasn't pretty, and he only had pretty, skinny girls hanging on him.

I got more nervous as Jackson got closer, does he even know who I am?  I questioned myself, but of course he did. I'm Jameson's little sister, every one in town knew my brother, everyone loved him, I've been known as "Jameson's little sister" for years, never by my actual name, Hazel. Jackson said "hi" to me as he was running up the hill. My face burnt, immediately warming up, I had to turn quickly before he noticed, no doubt in my mind that he knew I had a crush on him.

"Move" Tyler said as he brushed past me to get up the hill, I was standing at the end, ready to relax for a second before going back up. My face burnt for a different reason. I hated confrontation. I sat down where I was, no one was coming down the hill on this side, the short side of the hills. Savannah, my best friend, went down the hill again, loving the snow, she didn't have a park with hills where she lived. I walked over to her, now that Tyler was here, I really wanted to go home.

"Get out of the way, or I'm running you over" Tyler yelled from the top of the hill as I moved to go talk to Savannah.

"Shut up, Tyler" I rolled my eyes and yelled back. He came down the hill anyway, forcing Savannah and I to quickly move out of the way.

"What's your problem?" Savannah, red faced, screamed at him. She didn't care about confrontation, if someone did something wrong to her, she let them know.

"I told you to move" he laughed, he actually laughed at the though of hurting us. Sociopath.

"Fuck you, Tyler" I said, angry enough that I didn't care about my anxiety.

He laughed darkly, moving toward us. I never wanted to fight with people, but I've been in a few fist fights with other people on my block (they started it), so I knew if I had to, I could. Our eyes locked and I wasn't back down. Thankfully he did. Savannah went up the hill again, I was spent, so I stayed at the bottom, my hands numb, waiting to go home. Tyler came up behind me, red plastic sled in hand.

"Leave me alone, Tyler" I said, exasperated. He snicked, knowing he got under my skin, and hit my in the back of the head with his sled, making it look like it was an accident as it hit me when he turned, but everyone around heard the argument we just had and knew it was on purpose.

You know what's a shitty realization?

I have no one who is there for me, when I am there for everyone, both friends and family, as someone to vent to, to come to my house as a safe space, a shoulder to cry and a person to give advice.

Am I like….. crazy or some sort of narcissist? Do I lake empathy? I don’t think so. But I can watch, listen and see true crime and that shit does not traumatize me. I can hear the most horrific crimes and my jaw will drop with disgust, shock and sadness, but I can keep listening with no issues. It will not linger with me for a single moment. I’ll remember it, I’ll tell people about it, but I simply shrug and move on. I watch the body cam of the Nashville school shooting and so many people are traumatized but seeing the blurred out body, and I’m like 🤷🏻‍♀️. I’m reading Hunting Adeline which is super dark and fucked up, and oh my lord my jaw has fallen open several times, but again, doesn’t linger in the slightest.

Is this normal?

On the voice we have Block Shelton, Neil Horan, Chase the rapper and Kelly Clarkston 😂