Thin as fuck

fish aesthetics

those are lures

ive been fooled. im as dumb as a fish

Roopa Pemmaraju 2022 Spring Ready-to-Wear

(link to bypass paywall)

Pooja Mor by Markn for Selfridges 2021 Campaign

I've noticed that there's a certain kind of ableism from family and acquaintances that's been wearing on me for a decade now and its when people believe that

Someone else can be ill/disabled but you can't be

And the misstep exists when people think but I know you, how could you possibly be disabled and that is something so deeply frustrating to be on the receiving end of and I'll unpack the two reasons why

1) other people mindset: I think this can be best explained by this calvin and hobbes comic

People often don't realise that anything that can happen to other people can also happen to you or someone you know and that includes gaining a disability. People are afraid and sobered by confronting their mortality, so, they don't... But this causes disability to be made out to be this distant thing, made othered, and this extends the divide between the abled and the disabled so much so that when someone you know tells you that they're disabled, some people refuse to believe it point blank. They don't want to connect the condition to the person or simply they can't, especially when the disablity is invisible.

Which brings me to my second point

2) not knowing what disabilites look like

I'm not saying that its anyone's fault but being expected to mask your pain in society leads to people not understanding what an ordinary person with chronic illness looks like. Which is that they look like everybody else.

a) masking/hiding disabilities:

Sometimes I'll be sitting somewhere completely still not speaking a word, breath shallow, and you'd think I'm relaxed but I'm actually in pain. But you won't know that from just looking at me.

When people have trouble picturing this overlap their push back is 'but I know you, you can't be like these other disabled people'. But the thing is they dont know me. People don't know I mask my adhd. Or that I mask my pain.

(And maybe they do know you but they still view you from 5 years ago when you could walk everywhere to run errands and focus enough to read 5 books in a week and still have energy leftover but with age and time you can't do the same shit anymore and its not a simple matter of trying hard enough.)

b) irregularity of disabilities

Its hard to explain to other people but the intensity of your disability is not constant! It fluctuates and so does your ability to manage it. You can have a good day or a bad day, both completely out of nowhere but other people can't tell, they won't instintually just know you and your limits better than you!

When people say 'but I know you' what they're actually saying is ' I've seen your good days where you manage things just fine so you're clearly exaggerating here and don't need the accommodations you're seeking'

And this is very invalidating and a bit gaslighty and people need to stop this bullshit because it leads to people becoming progressively more sick/ frustrated at themselves but unable to find sympathy and take the necessary steps to access the care they need.

Tldr: stop feeling entitled enough to make judgements about the health of other people's minds and bodies. Anyone can be disabled and everyone deserves to be accomodated

(anyway this was inspired by my mother telling me that she belives me when i say I have adhd but still expects me to get my act together without meds or therapy. your gal is through it rn)

I'll never forget when a coworker told me she doesn't consider me disabled like it was a compliment. Gut punch, really.

Also people like to apply morality to disability and act like you can do the right things and not be disabled. So if they know someone who they think is good or they don't want to be seen with the stigma of your disability form others that think this way, they will go live in the land of denial and try to drag you there with them.

and

EDIT:

sure why not:

tags via @littleredplanetnumberfour

When you work in a creative field there’s a mental trap you can fall into where you think that if you can’t be the best and most famous in the whole world that there’s no point but really there’s a million ways you can do your thing either as a job or as a hobby that are just as important if not more so than the most famous people in the field

Like. There’s no shame in being a wedding singer. You know what I mean? You don’t have to go to broadway to chase your dreams. You can get hired by local Shakespeare troupe. You can have a little webcomic with a small but loyal fan base.

And I’m not advocating for “settling” or whatever. I’m saying that there’s ways to do what you love for a living or as your main hobby that are smaller and may in fact be what you actually want. Because you may want to just be a local band. You know what I mean? Sometimes that’s the end goal. And even if it isn’t it can still be a way to do what you love.

𝕾𝖆𝖎𝖑𝖔𝖗 𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖓