An anonymous ask reads as follows:
My parents know about my boyfriend, but not my girlfriend (they know her, but they think we are just friends). I'd really like to bring up the fact that I'm with two people, but I'm really scared they won't understand and they'll think I'm cheating on my boyfriend or something (I'm 17, btw). The funny thing is, I didn't have nearly as much difficulty when I told them I am bisexual...
There is currently a lot more awareness of bisexuality than of polyamory, so it makes sense that this is harder to talk with them about. Be prepared for your parents to conflate bisexuality with polyamory, even if only briefly, as they begin to wrap their heads around this. Methods of coming out to parents which I have seen people utilize:
- Writing a long, heartfelt letter on very nice paper. This person used this method because he and his mother had trained together in calligraphy, and he knew that if he used calligraphy in his letter, she would understand how important it was to him.
- Letting the parents know ahead of time, one-on-one, that you have multiple partners and that everyone involved would like to meet them, and then having a family meeting for the parents to really have a chance to start to get to know the previously unknown partners.
- Bringing the established partner with them to tell the parents, then bringing in the other partner(s) to meet the parents after they were able to read the parents' reactions and make sure it was safe.
The very fact that you are 17 means that your parents will give less weight to your words than they will when you are in your mid-20s. You may face some misunderstanding and bad assumptions. These things - if they do occur - will fade over time as they see firsthand what your relationships are all about. If you don't mind that, then don't let it stop you coming out (just like the bisexuality). If you do mind that, then you might want to hesitate. I am personally a big fan of the bring-all-the-partners-over method. It makes sense to let your parents know ahead of time that you have something important to talk with them about, so they can be ready. It also makes sense to let them see first hand like that how comfortable both of your partners are with the other one's role in your life. I leave you with these questions to consider in your choices:
- Do both of your partners feel comfortable with you telling your parents?
- Do they actively desire you to be out to your parents?
- Do you want to tell your parents?
- If you do decide to come out, how will you go about doing it in a way that is compassionate towards everyone involved?