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Wen-Day by Day

@wendybyday / wendybyday.tumblr.com

24 - they/them/she/her
This is my personal blog, so welcome to infodumping and oversharing, with occasional actual (reblogged) content. I try to tag everything but let me know if I miss something!
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reblogged
fuckyeahasexual
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feminismandmedia

Hey um, the 2019 Intersex Inclusion Survey is mainly being circulated in TERF circles right now, which I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain is uh… Bad? So please take it! Please circulate it! Share it on and off Tumblr!

You don’t have Intersex or LGBTQ+ to take it!

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hazel2468

hey all- if you can, fill this out! It’s super quick and the idea of the results being skewed because of a shit sample is killing my lil research-brain. 

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Hey I’m gonna be pretty quiet for the next week (or just quieter than I’ve been) cause Things Are Happening!

My mom got here this morning and we’re not doing much tonight but I don’t spend as much time on my computer and stuff when she’s around, and tomorrow we’re hopefully hanging out with people and making cupcakes.  And then Thursday is the paper signing and family dinner and Trevor and I are going to these cool camping cabins that night and staying till Saturday!  Then we’re taking my mom back to the train Saturday afternoon and I’m probably gonna crash hard, which means I’ll either be on here a lot or I’ll be actively avoiding tumblr cause I’ll have several days worth of my dash to catch up on, we’ll see.

But yeah, this time the silence is because of good things!

#chitchat#we already ran through pike place for a few things (mostly raspberries for said cupcakes cause I wanted those super fresh)#and yeah everything's set#I did the last thing I needed to do for Thursday (email our food order) and now it's just gonna happen???#the stress didn't vanish but it's less 'gotta do all the things' stress#and more 'I hope everything goes okay' stress
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I did so much stuff today!

I’m trying really hard to be happy about that, instead of upset that I only got about half of my list done.  But I guess that in and of itself is proof that I gave myself too much to do?  And I have all day tomorrow and half of the next day to get the list done too, so.

#chitchat#lots of cleaning and lots of cooking#making a bunch of freezer meals for the next few weeks (although that probably would've been more helpful before now)#and my mom's getting here Tuesday so my usual housekeeping-anxiety is cranked up to 11#also I'm simultaneously grateful because Trevor helped out and grumpy because he did two things and played games the rest of the day#also also my face hurts a lot less today!#it's mostly just the left side of my nose that is sore now
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This weekend proved that Wendy does not like being taken care of even when it’s perfectly reasonable for people to be taking care of them

#chitchat#first off: Trevor and I are both okay!#we got rear-ended the other night badly enough to total the car (mostly because of the damage to the back wheels)#but the worst injury was me hitting myself in the face with a cake and getting a bloody nose so#but like I was also covered in said cake and the only one bleeding and so I got babied for the rest of the night#which I appreciated but was also extremely awkward#we spent all day yesterday just resting and watching anime and stuff#which was also good but I'm also grumpy about because it was gonna be my big cooking and cleaning day#which is now today!  because Trevor and I are both significantly less sore#also it's snowing and it's too early for that
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Me:  The dinner’s super casual, we’re just going to hang out with family, it’s not a big deal!  The wedding is next year, that’s the big deal!

Certain people:  can’t come

Me:  This is suddenly a big deal

#chitchat#I'm. so bitter#for once I'm glad for our incredibly shitty signal in the apartment because I didn't actually have to have that phone conversation#instead I got to start crying while listening to the voicemail#and now I'm just mad#well not /just/ mad still plenty sad#but not in a surprised way#just more reminders that Rainee and her family don't see us as family!!!!#hiding behind flimsy excuses yet again!!!!
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Do you know that feeling you get after you cry?  Like it’s not always a bad feeling, but it’s always... kinda empty.

Post-anxiety-attack feeling is very similar... Kinda lower?  I feel like my muscles are simultaneously lead and jello, and brainfog is settling in.

#chitchat#I am gonna take a break for a bit#or maybe be done working today#even though that thought starts revving the anxiety back up#most of this is paperwork/dinner related#(and my usual housekeeping-related anxieties being magnified because my mom is visiting and it's gotta be Clean)#but I'm gonna make a list of everything that feels too big and then have Trevor help me break it down because I don't know how right now#(and also take out the things that are out of my control or that other people can help with)
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That moment when you tick over from

“getting overwhelmed but still managing to get things done, actually able to break big projects into smaller ones and doing those”

into

“every project is a big project and I can’t complete it all at once so I can’t do anything about it at all, so I’m just going to sit here staring at all things I need to do and melt down instead of doing anything else”

#chitchat#bad vibes#it's worse knowing exactly what to do to feel better but not being able to function enough to do it#I really want Trevor to get home cause he's good at diffusing these particular meldowns but he's at work for three more hours#it's also a bit weird because it's not merging with a depression meltdown like it usually does#(the whole 'I'm a failure' bit that fits so well with not being able to do things)#just... you know massive anxiety instead
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My brain has been so weird today and like

I can’t wait until I have a therapist I can talk to about it

Two more weeks until I can get back on Trevor’s insurance and do that

Sometimes I’m more excited about that than, you know, the marrying part and I feel guilty

But like, it doesn’t feel like that’s actually going to change anything

And also, next year is the thing that my brain is conceptualizing as the wedding? As getting married?

This year’s just the legal requirement stuff, and we’re doing it early because it makes sense for our situation

And part of that situation is getting my covered by insurance

Because of brain things like this

#chitchat#'wendy why are there no periods what are you doing'#'the thoughts don't stop coming my dude'#also line breaks are better than periods objective fact#it also almost feels like prose#who knows#mmmmm I'm mildly uncomfortable with this level of dissociation#but I'm dissociating too hard to really experience that discomfort#I don't know how to tag this#(I just reread the post to make sure there were no glaring typos and like... re-experienced that whole thought process what)
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