Putting this blog on hiatus until I can get my muse for Kieran back fully. I apologize to all the people who interact/ship with him, but I would rather take some time to get him back, than to send you all half-assed replies.
I was going to try and do my replies (finally, I know), but this new update has me frustrated beyond belief. The way it does reblogs makes it look so stupid.
If anyone wants to talk, I’ll be on AIM and Skype.
Shittiest birthday ever, so now I’m in a bad mood, and definitely won’t be getting to replies tonight.
It’s my birthday, so probably no replies today.
hey hey hey, listen. you're still strong, it's okay to relapse and make mistakes we all do it. i've done it, and i almost did it again just recently. i don't know why but lately it's been very depressing for a lot of people and i just want you to know i am 100% here for you if you want to spam me with whatever ails you or what's on your mind, i'm here to listen.
You have no idea what this means to me.. Thank you so much. Even though I don’t know you, I love you so much. As for what ails me, my mother is constantly making me feel like shit for having a life and not being able to babysit my niece and nephew. I go to college, I work part-time, I have friends and a fiance that I like to hang out with, and I just... I don't get why me trying to better myself isn't good enough for her.
I hurt myself. I’m so ashamed.. I was doing so well.
I know I’m depressed, it’s sad but it’s true, I need to get help but I can’t break through. The sorrow that holds me, and coos “it’s alright” is the beast that controls me, I’m losing this fight. You may think that I’m happy, but it’s easy to lie for inside I am screaming, though I just say “I’m fine”.
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. Other than undertaking Lent every year, I am not very religious, but today, I would like to pray for two people:
Troy Austin & Louis Tomlinson
Troy has recently fallen on hard times, resulting in his homelessness that, along with his estranged relationship with his son, lead to him stealing a friend’s car and attempting to commit suicide by “gassing himself”, as I have read in various articles. Now, I have never attempted suicide, but I have thought about it numerous times in my life, but the one thing that always stopped me was thinking about my family. How badly it would hurt them to learn that I had taken my own life. To know that Troy felt like he had nothing left to live for at all breaks my heart. There’s always something to live for, sometimes you just have to find it. As they say, it’s always darkest before the dawn.
And Louis. I can’t even imagine how he feels right now, especially with everything else going on in his life piled on his shoulders. Angry that his father would do such a thing, saddened at the thought of “what if he had actually done it?”, maybe even regretful that he hadn’t tried to repair their damaged relationship. Louis may “hate” Troy, as many fans have so rudely said, but Troy is still his father in the respect that without him, Louis wouldn’t even exist. They may not be on good terms, or any terms for that matter, but I believe that deep down inside of Louis, there is some love for Troy. And that Louis is hurting over this news. Suicide doesn’t just hurt the victim, it hurts everyone around them.
So please, religious or not, Directioner or not... say a prayer today for Troy and Louis. They need strength now more than anything.
thesolitaryson reblogged
PSA || RPING WITH MY CHARACTER
just because your character wouldn’t fit in with my character’s canon verse, doesn’t mean we can’t rp. au/crossover things are my life, you guys; i will be more than happy to either fit my character to yours’ canon verse or to make up an entirely different verse for both of them to interact in. it’s a great outlet for creativity and it’s just a lot of fun to throw two characters into a world they’ve never canonically been in.
basically, when i say i’m a multiverse blog, i mean it. just come talk to me, you wonderful people, and let’s make our loser muses live in a medieval world or be spies or live in space or something.
how about it?
create a new universe with me.
thesolitaryson reblogged
justcryhavok-deactivated2017011
"Y-You hit me.. You've n-never hit me before.."
“Shit…shit….” Alex stared wide eyes, “I am so sorry Kieran…” he gasped, looking at the other and cautiously moving closer “Are you okay? I-I didn’t mean…” he stepped back, not wanting to hurt him anymore.
thesolitaryson
“Don’t,” he spoke, stepping back as Alex moved closer. “touch me. And no, I’m not okay. After everything we’ve been through, after all I’ve done for you... you have the nerve to hit me?” The stinging in his cheek had already subsided, but the pain in his heart remained. Why had Alex hit him? He couldn’t understand it. Sure, they argued, but neither of them had ever laid a hand on the other before now. “Why, Alex?”
❛ Of course it matters, every step you take to becoming a better person makes me so proud of everything you’ve achieved. From the drugs to this, you’re so important to me and that’s why you don’t need to worry about me leaving. I promise to be here as long as you need me. But if you think you need to talk to someone, then maybe that’s the best thing to do. You know I’ll help you in the best way I can ❜
The option didn’t sound all too bad, Blaine knows that as much as he’s gotten Kieran to uncover certain things, that there’s still plenty hiding under the surface. And if his boyfriend didn’t feel comfortable with expressing that in a healthy way amongst them, then perhaps an outside source would influence that in a positive way. Allow him to get rid of some of that pent up emotion without having to feel the need to put up a front about it, to protect whatever side he was scared of Blaine seeing. Comforting the man in his arms, Blaine’s hand drifts up and down his spine to try and ease the conversations along - knowing that rushing it would be disastrous.
“That’s why I want to talk to a therapist, so I can keep making you proud. It has taken me eighteen years to be able to make someone proud, and I don’t want to stop, y’know? It’s the best feeling I’ve ever experienced -- well, other than being in love with you, but I promise you, I will do better. I may lack experience with relationships, but I want to be the man that you deserve. I refuse to end up like my father.”
He may have idolized his father as a musician, but Kieran never wanted to become anything like him -- in any way, shape, or form. Stacee was distant, cold, and often never made sense on the rare occasions that he spoke. Though, looking back, the boy knew he had been travelling down a path that would have led him to the same dead end as his father. The drinking, the drugs, the one-night-stands... it was a one-way ticket to a life of bitter loneliness. And Kieran didn’t want that. And more so, it would kill him to subject Blaine to the same fate his mother had endured, having to constantly care for an intoxicated husband while singlehandedly trying to raise a child. The possibility of that future alone terrified Kieran beyond words, causing him to doubt Blaine’s affection time and time again in an attempt to purposefully push him away before he could get hurt by the emotionally-damaged boy. His arms tightening around Blaine’s neck, Kieran realized he needed to rid himself of his demons, and fast, before they destroyed the only good thing he had in his life.
thesolitaryson reblogged
“I would bet my good looks on the fact that our kids would be pretentious little shits like teenagers straight out of a book written by John Green. Great guy, no offense.” Honestly, with a rockstar and author for parents, it wouldn’t be hard to imagine the types of kids they raise. Armani himself never really thought about what type of parent he would be but there was no doubt that he would let them go through what he did because of his parent’s lack of care. Mani’s attention was again focused on the other male’s word, tilting his head to the side in expectancy. “–You bet it is.” He spoke when he regained himself from the surprise kiss. “No. But I know her well enough to know she wouldn’t risk it.” He gave a smug smirk. “A place just opened up actually. I passed by it when I was walking down to that old book store that happens to be my favorite.”
“You must be pretty confident, betting your devilish good looks on your prediction. Maybe we’ll just have to wait and see.” The boy spoke, deciding it was best to put that topic to rest for the moment. He hadn’t even reached the peak of his career yet, and Armani had plenty of work still to complete, and he just knew it wasn’t the time to be having a child. It would be too chaotic. “I don’t think your assistant likes me very much. She’s always giving me dirty looks. Maybe she’s spitting in my coffee.” His eyes widened playfully, though he knew that wasn’t the case. With her being Armani’s assistant, he had never asked her for anything, for he lacked the authority to do so. “Oh? Well, what are we waiting for, let’s go before my stomach starts to digest itself. That would be a terrible way to go, wouldn’t it? Especially with me being so young.”
thesolitaryson reblogged
Harry let out a gasp and a chuckle as he felt the palm of the other’s hand slap clean against his bum. He wiggled it even closer just to show that he was very much awake this morning before turning round to face him. “I knew that would get you awake,” he commented with a shake of his head before leaning down to kiss Kieran’s lips. “Oh, and I am aware my bum is the best view ever-I’m Harry Kardashian, aren’t I?” he questioned, a smirk playing on his lips as he sat back against pillows watching the awakening man beside him. Mm, such a lovely sight with the warm morning sun elucidating the room in a heavenly glow. “Well, I bought coffee and fruit and vegetables for the green smoothie-I’m happy to just stay in bed for a bit if you want, though,”
“Well, part of me is more awake than the rest, but we’ll just save that for later.” The boy winked a tired hazel eye, returning the kiss to his lover’s lips. “You ‘dated’ a Kardashian, though, and incest is frowned upon in most societies, I’ll have you know.” He teased with a chuckle, propping himself up on his elbow, rubbing at his face with an open palm. The thought of coffee brought a relieved sigh from his lips, looking up at the taller male. “Thank you for bringing me my coffee, babe, without it, I tend to be a little grouchy. If you want to stay in bed, we can. I’ll get up if you want me to, though.” To prove his statement, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, kicking the covers off his legs.
thesolitaryson reblogged
thesolitaryson
Harry bounced home from the green grocers, laden with bags of fruit and vegetables for his famous green smoothie-and some coffee for Kieran. “Baby, I’m home!” he called as he closed the door behind him, kicked off his shoes and headed for the kitchen to put down the bags. Now to the bedroom. Once there, he removed the pants and shirt he had thrown on to walk down the street with and ran a hand through his long hair. He was fresh, glowing, happy and ready to spend a slow and lovely morning with the other. “Big fat bum is here!” he announced, crawling on top of the bed and kneeling so his underwear-clad bum wiggled in front of the other’s face. Such a nice sight to wake up to, right?
Once he had put his phone down on the bedside table, Kieran closed his eyes and let himself drift off to sleep again. It didn’t last long, though, for soon, he heard Harry’s voice calling throughout the house, the younger musician stirring out of his sleep with a soft groan, forcing his eyes open. And god, was he glad he had done so. The view in front of him was one he had never been graced with so early in the morning, and he couldn’t stop the quiet chuckle that rumbled in his throat. “Mm, best view ever, babe.” He said, reaching out to lightly smack the other’s bottom.
thesolitaryson reblogged
Text to: Harry
Harry: soon i will!
Harry: kiiieeerrraaannnn
Harry: its yummy healthy though
Kieran: sounds promising (;
Kieran: say my name say my naaaaaame
Kieran: fine fine fine i'll give it a try
❛ But you do give that to me, even without realizing. I love you Kieran and I can spend the rest of my life trying to prove that to you but questioning me every single time is going to become really tiring. I need for you to believe me and if something changes, I promise you’ll be the first to know ❜
Grabbing a hold of the other’s hand, Blaine rubs a thumb over the soft skin, a tenderness to try and compliment the now relaxed tone of voice. It was important that Kieran knew just how much the whole thing meant - not just for now, but under the wider picture of it all. A fight was a fight but if it was the only time insecurities would shine then they weren’t getting anywhere with communication. It was like walking right into a brick wall repeatedly, and after a prolonged period of time that would start to cause numbness.
“I’m sorry I question it all the time, babe, I’m.. I’m still learning. I know your patience is going to wear thin eventually, but I’m trying. Isn’t that what matters? You make me want to be a better person, but there will be times when I’m going to be pessimistic and doubtful because all I’ve ever known is fucking abandonment my whole life, until you came along. You were like, the first ray of sunshine after a never-ending thunderstorm...”
He relaxed at the gentle glide of Blaine’s thumb across his hand, moving closer to the other to climb into his lap with a leg on either side of him. His arms wrapped around his neck as Kieran molded himself into his boyfriend’s body, feeling the beating of Blaine’s heart against his own. “I want to be better,” he murmured in a hushed tone, unsure of whether he was saying it to convince Blaine or himself. Either way, the statement rang true. “maybe I need to talk to someone... a-a therapist.”