Okay no one on Tumblr that I've seen has been talking about the wine and cheese thing, but that means no one is reflecting on the absolute weapons-grade hilarity of Boris Johnson trying to inchworm his way out of trouble by claiming that he didn't know about it

Like... that wine and cheese party was the Downing Street works Christmas do. Not just any old social, the Christmas social. There were invitations. There was music. Every single worker in Downing Street was invited, even Debbie from accounts. People who didn't work there but were important to the government got invited.

And Boris is therefore claiming that all his mates got together and had a party and DIDN'T INVITE HIM.

Not only that, but they deliberately kept it a secret from him, because no one wanted him there to ruin the party because no one likes him, and I just...

The key difference between Johnson and Trump always came down to this: Johnson wants to be liked. He genuinely does. Trump wanted to be respected and feared and obeyed, he wanted to be seen as powerful and suave and cool. But he didn't care about how liked he was. Johnson, though, really fucking does. He's a deeply pathetic little twat, and he wants people to like him.

So, his choices currently are

His popularity is now nosediving in the polls, and it really cannot be stated how much that will be burning him.

Also, pro-Brexit Tories are even pissed off with him now. Which is a bit like someone buying a cake called a pus cake with pictures of pus all over the box and a warning sign that says This Cake Contains Pus and Other Bodily Fluids, and then crying because when they tried to eat the pus cake they found it was filled with pus. But also really funny.

Anyway, I'm placing the bet now: we will see a vote of no confidence, OR he'll jump before he has to experience that (because it would kill him), and our next PM will be Rishi Sunak

And don't forget

THEY HAD THIS PARTY IN THE HOUSE HE LIVES IN!

He's trying to claim that all his friends and colleagues hosted a party IN THE HOUSE HE LIVES IN while he was upstairs apparently totally oblivious!

He really thinks we're that stupid to believe that a party could be happening literally TWO FLOORS BELOW him and he not know?

Omg omg I forgot that part and you are so right

They had a secret Christmas party that was so big that they were sending out invites to non government members which they didn't want him at, so they... what, had his mistress drug him with hefty amounts of antihistamines? He went out for the evening (also illegal at the time) and they partied hard on cheese and wine for precisely two hours and 46 minutes, then everyone went silent and snuck out when he came back?

A whole team of cleaners had to tiptoe about for four hours so they wouldn't wake up the clown upstairs.

What a cover story.

Okay well this story has... Wow.

So, let's update for those who don't know. Bear with me, I may get a couple of dates slightly wrong. First, shout out to the incredible investigative journalism and absolutely chessmaster-level shrewdness of Pippa Crerar for both digging up this story and for picking precisely the right moments to release it, morsel by morsel, to bring down Boris Johnson and possibly the whole damn government.

So after Johnson claimed he didn't know about it, then the Mirror published photos showing he was there and hosted a quiz. So, undeniable, Boris was at the Christmas party.

The Metropolitan Police declare that, even though they are investigating and fining people up to £12,000 a pop for lockdown parties, and doing so is literally their job, they will not investigate the government because "there isn't enough evidence". ACAB etc

Then, the Guardian reveals photos of Boris Johnson, his mistress, and Dominic Cummings eating cheese and drinking wine in the sun (with others around them) in the Downing Street garden, not allowed at the time (we were literally not allowed to leave home at the time). That day, Matt Hancock urges people not to have cheese and wine parties in their own gardens in spite of the nice May weather.

Then the Mirror reveals that there was actually another whole ass party - in May 2020, where 30 gathered in the garden of Downing Street (at the time we were not allowed more than 2 households meeting outside). Boris denies that it was a party, and claims it was merely a weirdly well catered work event that included his gin-drinking mistress and baby for some reason.

Then, the invites to the party were leaked by ITV. Turns out, 100 people were invited "to make the most of the lovely weather." It also told attendees to "bring their own booze."

Then an inquiry begins, carried out by Sue Gray. She is in fact a member of Number 10 staff, but no idea how independent she'll actually be one way or the other. Either way, the police are still literally refusing to investigate so lmao that's what we've got. She did get Damien Green fired for that porn thing, though, so that's encouraging.

Then this week, Johnson goes on Prime Minister's Questions. He sort of apologises, and claims that he was only there for 25 minutes but implies he then left because it felt more like an illegal social than the work event he was expecting, which is interesting, since his mistress was necking gin next to him the whole time. He should have just asked her, like. She could have clarified.

Then the Times reveals a source at the party who says that no, Boris stayed WAAAYYYY longer and spent his time wandering around and 'gladhanding' people (side note, posh people have weird words).

Then yesterday, even though we now have evidence and a confession of criminality, the Met Police announce that they will not investigate unless/until the Gray Inquiry finds evidence of criminality, which is just...an astonishingly open display of corruption, really. A real quiet-part-loud moment.

THEN, within hours, it's revealed that there were ANOTHER TWO PARTIES, except... Okay you're going to want to sit down, because shit hit the fan yesterday.

These two parties happened on the day of Prince Philip's funeral last year, aka Put Philip In The Floor Day. At the time, restrictions meant just 30 people could attend that funeral.

Which means, the Telegraph ran this headline and image:

I know we all hate the royals on Tumblr, but you have to understand just how hard that headline, and that image, and that message, hits British society. The Queen, beloved monarch, "forced to grieve alone" while the government danced and drank the night away. You cannot imagine how much power that image holds. You cannot begin to imagine the social power of it.

Boris Johnson can. He was polling only one point above Theresa May's all time low within the hour. That is a devastating popularity drop for the man who needs to be loved, who came to power on a cult of personality.

So, he went on PMQs again, to apologise to Lizzie Two. It's a really funny apology because he kind of can't apologise without admitting it and there's an enquiry going on so it's real vague, but he does cop to the parties on Put Philip In The Floor Day. Keir Starmer, in a rare display of actually providing some opposition, put the boot in quite nicely:

Which brings us to today! How is the Prime Minister coping with the situation?

Well, according to a leak from the Independent, he literally spent today working out which senior officials he can force to resign and take the blame in order to save himself in a move that he, a grown man who has fathered six or possibly seven children who is Prime Minister of the country, is without irony calling, and I am not making this up...

Operation Save Big Dog.

Big Dog is him. He is Big Dog. He has called himself Big Dog. He chose to call himself Big Dog.

Except, the Independent leaked it, as I say, so now he looks EVEN WORSE.

The Mirror's front page for tomorrow is revealed.

They have a photo of a wine fridge (capable of holding up to 34 bottles of wine) being delivered to Number 10.

Because, they reveal, these parties were not special events only.

Downing Street has been holding what they called Wine Time Fridays every week during the pandemic. They used to hold them before as well; but apparently, they've been particularly popular during lockdown.

Current polling as of 14th January 2022:

Labour 41%

Tories 27%

Those figures would translate to the Tories losing over 126 seats. Labour's largest lead since Tony Blair.

Side note to finish off for now:

Interesting how we now know a good 100 people who was at those parties, complete with photos, and yet Rishi Sunak is not in any of them. One might almost call it suspicious. And wonder at who the main source is.

HOO BOY THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN THIS WEEK LADS

I will try to keep this concise, and I will put in a Read More because fuck this is like... metres of political intrigue. Although first, quick housekeeping because I’m fed up of seeing some stuff turning up in the notes:

With that out of the way, it’s the 20th January 2022, let’s watch the elephant stand on a ball!

Earlier This Week

Let’s check the polls, after the fun of last week!

70% think he’s lying about the May 20th party, 63% think he should resign, 80% think he has not been honest, and 81% think the ‘work event’ that Big Dog described was unacceptable anyway.

But, how does that translate to politics? Well! The Police and Crime Bill is a monstrous piece of fascist legislation that the Tories are currently trying to get passed. This week it passed to the House of Lords. This would normally have been a very straightforward run through to the Queen to sign off, but LOL SOME PEOPLE ARE VERY BITTER ABOUT THE CHEESE AND WINE because instead the Lords have literally thrown out three of the worst elements.

Yes, you read that right. That Bill we’ve all been terrified about?

The Lords have rejected:

And then, just to rub salt in the wound, they approved two non-Tory amendments, including making misogyny a hate crime. In practice, those two amendments will now go back to the Commons to be debated more, but those three central pillars up there are just gone now. The Lords described the proposals  as “draconian”, “a wider assault on our democracy”, and “reminiscent of Cold War Eastern Bloc police states”.

Never thought I’d see the day...

So, Boris the Big Dog realises he’s in serious trouble now, because that means that even MPs who supported him now hate him because his actions are costing them the fascist laws they wanted to put in place. So he has a meeting with the one Tory you can absolutely count on to blindly and incompetently support Boris Johnson regardless of literally anything he ever does - enter, Nadine Dorres.

She suggests a zippy new ploy. he needs to shore up support from the backbenchers if he’s to survive it, so she suggests he give them everything they’ve been asking for like a gift wrapped Christmas gift of shit, and they call it Operation Red Meat, because neither of them is bright enough to consider not naming their illicit backroom plans to let them go undetected, and also, they learned nothing at all from Operation Save Big Dog. Here’s the problem: Tory backbenchers are fucking lunatics. Like, this is your mad Tory uncle who thought the highlight of 2021 was that we put a picture of a crown on beer glasses again TAKE THAT EUROPE. So what bones did Big Dog throw these people?

Except cutting the BBC alienates a chunk of the core Tory votership, which is old people.

(Remember Ghana, it’s going to be relevant in a sec)

And, it turns out, while the BBC has been very effectively muzzled by the Tories, if you then try to take away their funding anyway... they just might remember they have teeth after all.

THE CIRCUS CONTINUES, let’s see some acrobats!

Well, you know, some bathroom graffiti offers insight.

Red marker handwriting on a bathroom wall. Text reads:

“Boss made a dollar Granddad made a dime But that was a poem From a simpler time.

Boss made a thousand Gave pa a cent But that penny paid the mortgage Or at least it paid the rent

Now Boss makes a million And gives us jack Smugly blames the workers For the labor that he lacks.”

think about this every time i watch videos about youtuber drama

if you have Norton Antivirus or Norton VPN, delete the software ASAP.

Norton is automatically installing and running a cryptocurrency mining program in the backgrounds of their users. There is no text box asking to confirm the use of this program and is installed automatically, it runs during “downtime” on your computer . While the official announcement said that this program was exclusive to the US, international users are reporting it as well. We don’t know the exact scope yet.

To delete this program, must go into the files (Program Files/Norton) and delete the file NCrypt.exe. It will ask for the admin permission. (Some report having admin permissions on their computer but being unable to delete the program.) If the software is already downloaded to your computer, I would NOT recommend continuing to use Norton, as there is no guarantee that the .exe file won’t return in another update.

Tell your friends and family, reblog, spread this, please. It’s barely been getting any attention, and I worry that Norton is setting a precedent that other companies will repeat. However, if a large (or very vocal) part of the userbase continues to complain, it may make Norton or other companies think twice before mining crypto on your computer.

Confirmed on Norton's website 1/4/22.

This was trialed in their early access program in June of last year, and is now included with all subscriptions.

Don't want to mine cryptocurrency? You should use a different antivirus.

Windows Defender is actually pretty good last I checked.

...UGH. :/

May I offer as a superior alternative:

- Avira

Basic free version works on both phone and computer. One year package starts at $15. The bundles tend to be a hair pricey but the coverage is genuinely good.

- Hitman Pro

Specifically destroys malware and mining software. Sadly, it is not free, but a 1yr plan is $25 which isn’t bad.

UPDATE: According to a Norton customer service rep, the crypto feature is “integral to the software running properly” and cannot be manually disabled. Norton has now blocked any method of manually disabling the feature, and has deleted several posts outlining how to do so.

The only way to remove the feature is to uninstall Norton.

that looks like a condom and the fact that everyone in the notes is saying “the orb” proves that no one on this website fucks

the fuck kinda bouncy-ball ass condoms are you using

the fact that someone thinks that looks like a condom is proof that no one on this website fucks

ok y’all it’s LITERALLY taken from the “wizard pondering his orb” image

it’s an orb. 

ok not to beat a dead horse but i found the ORIGINAL image and it’s cover art from a lotr themed ttrpg.

so

No it isn't that's from 1993 you fucking poseur, it's from A SPY IN ISENGARD published in 1988 I'm SICK and TIRED of you people getting it WRONG

5 reblog additions later and this post is still best summarized by "no one on this website fucks"

I know things about the hobbit and I fuck like a champ, sorry about your personal failings but they do not apply to me

Honestly next time someone's like "wow I can't even draw a stick man 🥺🥺" I'm just gonna be like man that sucks. I can though

#i know people have started criticizing the#‘men are afraid of getting laughed at women are afraid of getting killed’#but this is real?

Oh, yes.

A few years ago I went to pick up a woman I met on OKCupid for a date, and a friend of hers was there. They kind of over-explained “Oh, she just showed up to say hi” and there was a vague nervousness in the air that even my autistic ass was picking up on. Her friend was playing conspicuously with her phone. I went “Ah, the safety. Need to get a picture?”

Dead silence for about a second and a half, then the friend took a picture, looked at my date, and said “Have fun” and walked out the door.

(I would ordinarily have been clueless, but I’d just been asked to be the safety the previous night.)

My advice to male-presenting folks: recognize that this not your problem. By which I mean, this sort of security check isn’t a problem for you. It doesn’t hurt you. You aren’t being insulted or disrespected. And if you treat it like what it is– a reasonable adaptation to an unreasonable situation– and just roll with it, your dates will be more comfortable, and you will have a better time as a result.

The same applies to phone calls mid-date. Let them answer the damn phone without drama.

They aren’t accusing you of being a dangerous person. The very fact that they are willing to go on a goddamn date with you means that they have extended a certain level of trust. But the fact remains that there isn’t really a way to distinguish between “a man who isn’t dangerous” and “a man who knows how to behave like he’s not dangerous.”

nothing makes me cry like the embankment tube station voiceover story !!! nothing !!!!!!!

embankment tube station voiceover story ❤️

Friend posted this to facebook unironically. What the fuck

HIS LEFT AND RIGHT SIDE ARE ENTIRELY EXPOSED. QUICK, VAX THe BASTARD

Takin the shot boss

i still think the best thing about lizzie/darcy is how almost nobody knew it was happening like it was SCANDALOUS and charged and they constantly oscillated between wanting to jump each other or jump each other's bones and everyone was too busy watching the vanilla trainwreck of bingley/jane and the victorian equivalent of a nuclear bomb that was lydia and wickham to realize that a whole THING was going on right in front of their respective perfectly boiled vegetables

#like it SENDS me that at the very end jane #who was the sister and confidante and like the one person lizzie wuld have gone down fighting for #literally was like rip bro i'm sorry you had to see darcy :/ #and lizzie is like jane *tears up* i want to sit on his face so bad (via @powerbottomblake)

MANNY JACINTO  Flaunt Magazine (2021)

i support universal free healthcare for one simple reason: if you are diagnosed with a terminal illness you should quit your job. quitting your job is the correct response to terminal illness. but you can’t do that if your healthcare is tied to your job

listen if somebody knows that they will be dead in a years time, and you are forcing them to continue to come into work, that’s fucked up. terminally ill people should be able to quit their jobs and live their last few months to the fullest. i don’t get how that’s a controversial opinion

i am formally asking all artists to PLEASE rb ur art after a while i guarantee people have missed it in the trenches that is the dash and ESPECIALLY PLEASE rb old art that u remember i would love to see it aswell PLEASE

this was the glass jar guy verbatim

I'm afraid to ask.. what happened? 😬

Are you fucking kidding me

Have some more screen caps, courtesy of @aita_reddit

Fuck this is so disgusting

This post is a fucking Pandora's box of awful

Oh my God. This gets worse every time I see it!

This is why I live alone. I don’t want to be remembered as a murderer, and I’d kill each and every one of these jerks.

It’s so interesting to see these men carefully plan and go out of their way to ruin something harmless and fun, like put real effort into it, and then go “it’s just [x]”

Like if it was JUST socks or an app or a blanket or some jars, why did it BOTHER you so much? 

Because it was a symbol of your s/o not being entirely dependent on you, on getting happiness outside of you, of being their own human with their own feelings. And you KNOW that deep down, or else you wouldn’t have gone to such effort to sabotage it.

At the end of the day, this is all about control. It's not about the jar, or socks or whatever, it's that they asked her to do/stop doing something and she said no.

If she'd said "yeah okay, I get it" right away, he'd probably lose interest even if she never actually followed through

i was talking to my mom about cardassians and said something along the lines of ‘what must it be like to be a cardassian civilian. like abstractly knowing the rest of the galaxy thinks of your species as ‘the evil ones’ and kinda sorta knowing your government runs labor camps and torture prisons and is a military empire, and it’s a huge deal for everyone else in the galaxy, but you just like run a restaurant so it’s not a big part of your daily life, so you just like, go about your day and make soup and don’t think about it’ and then halfway through my sentence i actually heard myself and then had to go sit down for like ten minutes. like sat down in a chair and stared at the floor for ten minutes

[ID: An exhausted and resigned-looking emoji face with shadows under their eyes holding a cigarette between their fingers. End ID]