Kids these days don't know what the fuck a liminal space is anymore but they use it to describe fucking EVERYTHING.

when i type a full stop . followed by a pause i need you all to imagine me looking around nervously like an easily startled prey animal to make sure i'm alone before continuing to speak

“fish don’t even know theyre wet” and? you don’t even know youre luft (air equivalent of wet)

so did that the vampire get the job

GIRL HELP I EVOLVED FRUIT GUMMY AND HES LITERALLY THE SIZE OF MY ENTIRE ROOM

Pokemon Go was worth it just for the occasional glimpses we get into what social media is like in the actual pokemon universe

Ace attorney is so funny for making a game where you play as a lawyer whose assistant lets him talk to dead people and the only dead person he talks to is a smarter, better lawyer

You: *panicking, running for your life through my labyrinth space station*

Me, over intercoms: You have terf bangs

Stoned off my ass currently and so fucking mad at this meme that i had to fix it. Google sheets you are fucking on the google sheets.

have you considered being like a mother to your actual fucking children

My boyfriend prefers his mattresses firm, and I need a soft mattress. He prefers his food temperate while I like my food hot and spicy. This is another good reason to not have a kid, because even if the kid averages out and prefers everything in the middle, there's the risk of some blonde bitch breaking into our house to rummage through our stuff.

first day in the time loop i suspect nothing

second day in the time loop i still suspect nothing

third day in the time loop i realize that it has been tuck him in tuesday for 72 hours

fourth day in the time loop i realize that spending money has no long term consequence. i go to waffle house 15 times

fifth day in the time loop i am now sick of waffle house. i look up how much horses cost

sixth day in the time loop i buy a horse. i dont know how to ride it

seventh day in the time loop i buy the same horse again and watch youtube tutorials on horse riding

eighth day in the time loop i buy the same horse again and i am getting better at riding it

ninth day in the time loop. i once again buy the same horse. i can ride it successfully. it seems to know me

tenth day in the time loop i buy the same horse and ride it to waffle house. i feed it hashbrowns and sweet tea

sometimes i forget wizardposting isn’t a regular occurrence on any other website. what do you mean your posts don’t randomly get taken over my evil wizards casting spells on your peunis

prepare thyself

ask not for who the willy wonks... it wonks for thee

stop reblogging this

Guillotines often backfired, leaving the victim's head even more strongly attached than it was before the attempt.

Facts-I-Just-Made-Up: Befouling the collective consciousness since 2012.

february 28th? whats next, february 29th?

[VERY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]

so after checking my calendar i realized that i fundamentally misunderstood the concept of the leap year. everyone feel free to buzzer me instead. op i hope you have a nice day