I feel so... down whenever I want to watch queer or trans videos because I know in the back of my mind that none of the current large queer content creators' content or community is safe for people like me, intersex people.
I love their work otherwise, but it hurts badly to hear them toss around casual intersexism in their videos constantly when discussing queer and trans issues and nobody ever mentions it.
And because these are large, popular creators, nobody has ever listened when I've tried to ask they adjust their language. My dms go ignored or unseen and my public comments get drowned out by fans defending their intersexist comments. It's emotionally draining and exhausting, I just want to be included in my own community.
Genuinely asking if you are comfortable sharing, but what are some examples of "casual intersexism"? I'm honestly less read up on it than I should as someone who is intersex. Feel free to ignore this though should you not feel like it or anything.
- Stripping our intersex status when it fits an argument, ex. "Cis kids get put on hormones no problem while trans kids are denied them" (While they ignore that these are intersex children forced onto hormones)
- Using us when it does fit an argument, but ignoring us entirely outside of that context, ex. Using intersex people existing to validate trans people existing, but never doing any sort of intersex advocacy unless it directly benefits/includes trans people as well
- Erasing intersex issues while attempting to argue trans rights, ex. "No child is getting forced sex changes, that's not a thing that happens" (It doesn't happen to trans people, but happens all the time to intersex people)
- Saying that sex is binary but gender isn't (Neither of them are binary)
- Reducing intersex people down to cis people with disorders, ex. "Cis people without uteruses" or "Cis people with gynecomastia"
- In addition to the above point, generally acting as if intersex people are not oppressed or as though we have it better than trans people do, often by calling us cis and disordered rather than intersex, ex. "Cis women with high testosterone levels are allowed in sports but trans people aren't" (Which is not even really a true statement) or by wishing that they were intersex or openly admitting to calling themselves intersex in their personal life in an attempt to avoid discrimination
- Casual use of the word "Hermaphrodite"
- Calling intersex animals trans/nonbinary
- Ignoring blatant intersexism, never calling it out
- Calling bills/laws or other issues which directly impact intersex people "trans bills" instead of "trans and intersex bills", such as the recent Kansas bill directly targeting intersex people being called a "trans bill" - making these bills aiming to exterminate intersex people solely about trans people and ignoring the bills' direct attack on intersex people
- When these issues are brought up, saying that intersex people are "just caught in the crossfire/unfortunately affected by mistake but not intentionally, it's about trans people not intersex people"
- Saying that intersex people are not LGBT/queer (Not all intersex people identify as queer, but we have always been part of queer community and should not be pushed out)
- Reducing intersex people down to a statistic
- Common misinformation, such as saying that being intersex means "being born with both parts"
- Using afab and amab as equal to "perisex female" and "perisex male", ex. Talking as if all afabs are born with the same hormonal, genetic, or reproductive profiles
I wanna mention the rampant medical neglect that intersex people face too, and how perisex trans people also very much contribute to that problem. Because surprise surprise, even perisex trans people do not like to actually engage with the fact that sex isn't binary either
I've done some of these things and I'm intersex. Every time the word "intersex" doesn't come out of my mouth when it really should, or I avoid saying what I think about any of this stuff -
In the moment, I don't feel I have a right to say it. There are a million reasons. I can't convince myself that I owe it to myself to stop doing this.
I can convince myself, though, that I owe it to others to stop doing this. What if, next time I don't say the word when I mean that, or next time I try to address intersexism in a shifty, indirect way or let it slide without comment - what if an intersex kid is listening to me do that? What if my avoidance reinforces to them, exactly as it was reinforced to me, that We Do Not Talk About This, and that identifying or speaking up for yourself is rude?
Desperately wanting all intersex people to believe they have every right to talk about this; to demand the space we are owed, in conversation and society and medicine; to go howling it through the streets.