i wish more people would talk about how difficult it is to find a job in your twenties. after a year of therapy from the repercussions of working in a dangerous mental health facility, i’ve had the worst luck with finding jobs. even when i tried two jobs afterward, both times my employers were deceitful when hiring me and lied either about my safety or the lack of support in their facility. 

hello. 

it’s been years, like a ton of years, but lately i’ve been missing having people with common interests to interact with. twitter never seemed as friendly as tumblr did. i’m a very different person now, though, so i guess what i’m feeling is similar to ‘first day of college will anyone like me’ vibes. i don’t even know if anyone i used to know is still active on tumblr, it’s been so long. part of me wants to make a new blog and get a clean slate and away from all of the dumb shit that happened on here previously, but i guess i just don’t know what to do so i’m word vomiting. 

anyway, hi. i hope everyone i used to know on here is doing good. 

just dropping by to let the people concerned from other social media know that i am okay and completely happy now

I haven’t been on here for a long time and I’ve even thought of closing this chapter for good. This blog has been the source of good things like some monumental friends, but a lot of bad things that gave me a lot of anxiety and stress. The drama over a television show drained me to the point that I stopped caring about myself and more about trying to defend characters. I did not recover from the callout post made a year ago about me. It was my worst fear whipped into one form and while many could brush it off, it fed into my social anxiety and influenced a parade of anonymous hate. It lasted for months. I replied to some. I ignored more. I tried using an ip blocker. It followed me even after I changed my username. I shut off anons. I relapsed on self-harm. I was unable to breathe properly without my inhaler at my side for days from the stress. Every time I saw a new inbox message my heart clenched out of fear. I no longer associated what used to be my haven as a good thing. I just looked at my blog and remembered the things said about me, I was humiliated to talk to people from the fandom out of fear that they were judging me, felt like I let down my friends.  I tried moving onto a new fandom, I tried posting, but the hate kept up and I still felt uncomfortable.

I’m sorry for disappearing and I’m sorry because I don’t think I can come back to this blog without unhappy feelings. I’m a lot happier and healthier now. I have another blog that I am happy on and feel safe. I’m not going to delete this blog because I don’t want it to be gone. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to come back or not, or if I can find a way to not feel so much stress here. I’ve thought of taking snafu-moofins back as my name and just saying “fuck it” and doing what I want, but I’m still hesitant. This isn’t fucking shade. This is just an update and an explanation for why I’ve been gone as well as closure. It feels pathetic to be so weak, but social anxiety fucks with me a lot and I’ve worked really hard to become as confident as I’ve gotten today. I don’t care if people wanna talk about this like it’s dumb or mock me. I think I’m different now, I think I’ve grown up a lot, and I look back on a lot of stuff that’s happened and cringe, but this blog made me. It made me meet some of my best friends and made me feel very confident and actually give a shit about myself. So thanks. I still check here every blue moon, so if you ever need advice or help, I’ll be here, or if you need my number or fb or something, hmu. Stay frosty.

She said, "hello mister, knife to meet you." 🔪🔪🔪#big #knife #smol #body

BUT IMAGINE HOW FUCKING MUCH SCANLAN WILL HATE HIMSELF IF THE LAST TIME HE EVER SPOKE TO VAX WAS THEIR FIGHT BEFORE HE LEFT

Rumplestiltskin and Belle maintain the title of “most fashionable couple” on OUaT and I will fight anyone who claims otherwise.

idk like the wardrobe/makeup for Belle is hit or miss sometimes but tonight it was all so. Good.

Okay but Belle is really stepping up her wardrobe like this is Mrs. Gold, on a mission to save her son but is also able to stop for five minutes to dish such dignified, mature sass and shady glares at you that you’ll shrivel up into a prune.

if you like drama and shade and old hollywood watch feud asap omg

the ouat cycle includes me getting mad about no wish belle but then suddenly getting hopeful that this is a trick and she’s alive and then eventually, me being mad that there was no trick, she just dead