me in a pet store: i’d like to speak with your manager

cashier: what’s the problem?

me: you have ratatollie over there in a cage with no equipment… nothing to cook… you think these are fair living conditions? he lives to cook

The Wolf of Wall Street

when youre feeling affectionate but still gotta be metal

imco

in my correct opinion

OP didnt give us the source so I found it. Here is the UPS Dogs page. And since it’s on facebook, and I’m already typing this caption anyways, check out DMU on facebook as well. ;) 

👀👀 not gonna name names but SOME of u are sweet and kind and deserve the world and i am rooting for u

i love people who get excited about stars

I’m a hopeless bromantic, high five me in the rain, fistbump me gently as the sun sets.

my wife in twenty years, picking flowers along a mountain trail: what’s on your mind, babe

me: oh nothing. it’s just that this is…

my wife: just like in skyrim? :)

me, wiping a tear from my eye: just like in skyrim.

miles: anyone can wear the mask! 

my adult ass in a theater full of children: 

out of boredom i decided to scan a stuffed shark. here are the results.

when a gamer dies they go to the big discord server in the sky

#[user] has joined the server everyone give them a warm welcome! #entire chat: F

remember when you were a kid and whenever your parents came into the room while you were doing something for pleasure like looking at something on the computer or watching tv and you’d immediately close the thing like you’d just been caught watching porn when you were actually doing nothing wrong this post was made by strict parents with no boundaries gang

my dad: walks into the room while i’m playing club penguin the family computer

me: